Do you REALLY trust your husband?

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I have followed several very sad threads recently concerning infidelity and the heartache it causes and I have a question for all Mumsnetters. Do you really trust your man, I mean trust to the extent of never checking he is where he says he is, flicking through receipts etc.

Like many women who contribute to this site, my DH frequently works abroad, often with very little notice and would have every opportunity to have an affair/ one night stand. I am not, by nature, a very trusting person even though DH and I have been together about 15 years now and have 3 kids. I admit (though not to DH)to checking mobile phone messages, going through his receipts/ plane tickets/hotel invoices and to asking who was on such and such a conference. I realise this sounds very sad, but when I look around me, so many people seem to be breaking their marriage vows/promises to each other.

Does anyone else not completely trust their man? I should add that I have no evidence that DH has ever been 'physically' unfaithful. I do suspect him of flirtations/closer than I would like frienships with female colleagues (but quite a few years ago).

The deleted thread gave the number and contact details of a marriage guidance "doctor" together with gushing praise about how the "doctor" had helped the poster forgive and trust again after an affair

I think it's about opportunity and consequences. Traditionally men have had more opportunity (it's hard to cheat when you're stuck at home with a baby plus prostitution set up for them) and less consequences (social acceptance, double standards and the fact that the pregnancy isn't happening to your body)

Of course all those factors are changing so women are becoming more promiscuous.

Having said that the trade off to staying faithful is love and if you love your partner you have less incentive to do something that could lead to you losing him.

I don't think you can fully trust anyone DH or DW but you should give the impression of doing so because lack of trust can lead to problems itself.

I always trusted my ex DH. I know some men are expert at conducting an affair and covering their tracks but I feel I would have known if he had been unfaithful or considering it as his behaviour was always so predictable and transparent.

I do agree it is about opportunity. And I could imagine a scenario where if a female colleague had shown an interest in him he would have been very flattered.

It is interesting to try and see whether attitudes have changed in 10 years. Have women moved on - become less reliant on 'supportive loving husband'. My mother is discovering in her 80's how many of her friends were in fact cheated on. It can take a lifetime for these things to come out. I don't trust my DH 100% neither would I want to. It implies some sort of bizarre Stepford Wife set up. I want a human partner that I feel equal to - not grateful for.

mysteryman - i agree it's not necessarily that simple. Trying to respond to the question 'do you trust your DH', in a nut shell, is tricky. I suppose i trust him at the moment not only because our relationship is good, and he seems very happy, but that also that he loves me and respects me too much to be unfaithful. Even if he could 'get away with it'. We've been through a great deal to get to where we are.

It sounds ridiculously naive written down i know

However we both have infidelity in our relationship histories (not necessarily as the victim IYSWIM) and have had good honest talks about this issue. We're both insanely jealous people and therefore suit each other well