Do you REALLY trust your husband?

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I have followed several very sad threads recently concerning infidelity and the heartache it causes and I have a question for all Mumsnetters. Do you really trust your man, I mean trust to the extent of never checking he is where he says he is, flicking through receipts etc.

Like many women who contribute to this site, my DH frequently works abroad, often with very little notice and would have every opportunity to have an affair/ one night stand. I am not, by nature, a very trusting person even though DH and I have been together about 15 years now and have 3 kids. I admit (though not to DH)to checking mobile phone messages, going through his receipts/ plane tickets/hotel invoices and to asking who was on such and such a conference. I realise this sounds very sad, but when I look around me, so many people seem to be breaking their marriage vows/promises to each other.

Does anyone else not completely trust their man? I should add that I have no evidence that DH has ever been 'physically' unfaithful. I do suspect him of flirtations/closer than I would like frienships with female colleagues (but quite a few years ago).

Bells, how on earth does he cope with life in the City, then?

I am pleased that there seem to be so many decent men around BUT I would have also given exactly the same answer 5 years ago, I never had any reason to doubt my DH, I did trust him completely & I believed we had a good relationship; we always have had a joint account & joint credit cards. He was the last person in the world I would have thought likely to have an affair, a church-goer, does loads of voluntary & community work, devoted uncle, even used to get incensed about other men cheating on their wives ....... he then he did the same. I really thought I 'knew' my DH so well, how wrong I was.

Yup ... totally and utterly trust him ...

After reading Bugsy's thread, I was wondering the same thing while driving home last night. I hear about really nice 'normal' colleagues of my dh who use prostitutes in hotels when they are away and really think nothing of it. Their wives have no idea and the men just don't count it as an affair or being unfaithful because its so mechanical. And that's why they can lie so well about it cos they don't feel guilty.

Therefore I'm just not sure they can be totally trusted when they are away from the cosy pull of their wife and family. Wish i could be more optimistic.

I did for 20 years now I don't.
I never checked /snooped but have been for the past few months and hate the fact that I do.

I would say that, yes, I do trust my husband. Although I know he treated previous girlfiends badly, from the moment we met he was different with me. In fact we even had an HIV test each when we were first going out which I think is a pretty good indication of an intention to be faithful.

But, my parents broke up after 25 years of marriage and sadly it does affect my outlook on relationships. I sometimes have to remind myself not to take my marriage for granted.

non-one else would have him

Yup. There are a lot of things that drive me mad about him, but I know 100% that he is faithful and trustworthy.

Have to add that ditto to Zoe he can drive me insane and I'm not immune to days when I wonder why I married him I do know his loyalty is unfalterring. We used to live in Holland and when friends and Buisness colleagues etc came to visit they would want to "party" in Amsterdam I was pg so had no inclination to join them, they did end up in some questionable establishments but more often than not dh would come home early on his own to me giving friends a spare key.....as others have said he couldn't lie to save his life....bless

Completely and utterly. Although I did go through a very bad patch when pregnant when I was so convinced that he was having an affair with our personal trainer that I used to sniff his kit when he came back to make sure it was properly sweaty! The things hormones do to you

I trust my dh, his ex wife cheated on him and at the time he was very devastated (worked out well for me ) because of this I know he would never cheat on me. He knows I would never forgive him cheating and he wouldn't risk what we have.

I trust him right now...I don't think I could live in a marriage where I felt compelled to check on him all the time.

Not totally, he admits that he knows people working abroad who think nothing of using hookers etc. and then going home to wife and kids guilt-free. I can tell when he is lying or guilty because when confronted the corners of his mouth twitch. If innocent, he hits the roof.

Trust mine totally, except when it comes to money where he has a financial phobia... Still working on the we don't have seperate finances we are a family concept - hey, but after 7 years and an unfortunate incident with the purchase of a car we are getting there. Hey, imagine he might even check his bank statements in another 7 years.

He had a very bad home life when he was growing up, so his family and my family with whom he gets on very well with, are the most important things in the world to him. I have to nag him sometimes to get him to go out and do things like get drunk with his mates.

Dh and I was just talking about this last night. I was totally honest with him and admitted that, no, I can't say that I trust him 100%. That's not to say I think he'll have an affair or something - I just know from what's happened to me previously (in other relationships) and what I see around me that people's lives can be turned upside down overnight, and forewarned is fore-armed, as such.

I hate thinking that I will never have that 100% faith in someone else ever again but I know I can't. Dh constantly shows me that he loves me and dd; he's a caring, affectionate, sensitive man who tells me he loves me and that I'm gorgeous every day. Unfortunately he let me down badly some time ago by telling me he'd quit smoking for 6 months, while all the time he was smoking behind my back. I know this isn't the end of the world but it showed me that he could lie to me to avoid a scene and cover things up from me. It took a long time to forgive him and he's gutted that this contributes to my lack of complete trust for him. I love the bones of him and I love my life and I should be able to trust him but I think you can never say never.

Yes trust him totally. His mum left his dad for his dad's best friend and the heartache that family went through has had a deep impact on dh. He is a great dh and daddy to ds.

Trust him...yes, trust the floozies who eye him up when he takes the sluglet to the swings ..No (You know who you are you floozies!!!)

Much to his shock he has discovered for the first time in his life that he's a babe magnet, but only when accompanied by the small one. I'm constantly being told of encounters with 'babes' (his term) who seem very keen to give him parenting advice. Poor man wouldn't know what to do with one if they made a move though, I practically had to do a stiptease to convince him I wasn't really interested in his CD collection.

Bless, slug . One of dh's friends uses the 'her mum left us, I'm all alone now' line in those circumstances, so he tells us (his isn't and I know he wouldn't).

Totally trust my dh, he quite simply isn't the type. Never go through his stuff (poor love had to give up his office - he works at home - to dd for a nursery, so his stuff is scattered around the house). Have to go through his receipts as I do the tax returns but I don't suppose there's anything incriminating there... . Of course, I still take him for granted and he deserves more of my attention. In fact, I think I'll email him now to tell him so...

Not having a husband I can't comment.

I can and do say openly though that there are a number of things I do not and even cannot trust my DW with. Money being the main one. Absolutley no financial sense what so ever.

I don't usually check up on her though unless I think she is going nuts with the money again.

Implicitly. But the ex husband, well that's a different kettle of fish :0)

Slug, What is it with women when they see a man taking his son to the park alone. My DH often comes home and tells me someone tried to chat him up. Think its quite funny actually, and when you are down the park, people interact because the kids are playing together. Don't want to burst his bubble though, let him think hes pulled .

My Dh would describe the warm smiles he got from young, attractive women when he took DS out as a baby. I didn't want to shatter him by telling him they were probably smiling at the BABY (as single women do) not him. Poor chap, people definitely give him a wide berth now when out with rampaging toddler.

Dh went out with the boys last night and was approached by a young woman. He told her immediately that he was happily married with a dd but this made her even more persistent! It obviously made him all the more attractive to her! She had about 4 goes all in all - each one as unsuccessful as the last- before she finally took the hint. Talk about sisterhood!

Funnily enough, I DO trust dh implicitly in situations like this. My 1% lack of trust must come from somewhere else...? Still, fairly chuffed dh is seen as a sex-god (even by someone as deluded as this girl last night!)

My dh was approached by a girl in a nightclub who tried to join in his conversation with his mates. He turned round and said 'Sorry, do I KNOW you?' Poor girl. I told him that she probably just fancied him, but he was more annoyed at her temerity in joining in his conversation! I do trust him, but am not sure if I care at the moment