Do you REALLY trust your husband?

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I have followed several very sad threads recently concerning infidelity and the heartache it causes and I have a question for all Mumsnetters. Do you really trust your man, I mean trust to the extent of never checking he is where he says he is, flicking through receipts etc.

Like many women who contribute to this site, my DH frequently works abroad, often with very little notice and would have every opportunity to have an affair/ one night stand. I am not, by nature, a very trusting person even though DH and I have been together about 15 years now and have 3 kids. I admit (though not to DH)to checking mobile phone messages, going through his receipts/ plane tickets/hotel invoices and to asking who was on such and such a conference. I realise this sounds very sad, but when I look around me, so many people seem to be breaking their marriage vows/promises to each other.

Does anyone else not completely trust their man? I should add that I have no evidence that DH has ever been 'physically' unfaithful. I do suspect him of flirtations/closer than I would like frienships with female colleagues (but quite a few years ago).

Good God, Gilbert, that is foul

Some of these replies are so naive they are delusional.

I trust my dh not to have an affair 100% and trust him not to leave me for another woman 99%, because there is always a chance that you can meet someone and its instant love. I know this because this is how we met.
He is too honest for affairs, doesn't see the point etc.
Tbh I don't neither, its just the cowards way of preferring one person to you and not telling you.

Affairs are 50% Opportunity and Location (far away from home - business trips) and 50% Motivation (lack of sex/affection at home).
And sometimes it's just because they can.
Love and trust have nothing to do with it.

My ex loved me, I trusted him, but I still found out he had 3 affairs (that he confessed to) on business trips and work courses over the years..
People used to describe us as the perfect couple

There is a VERY good chance that if your husband is going on regular business trips, that he HAS had the odd one night stand or affair over the years.

Colleagues sometimes get very close when they are stuck in a hotel for a week, maybe two.
Shared dinners every night, drinks at the bar, late nights, buddying up for day trips during free time, shared table at breakfast every morning.
It's a very cosy situation to be in when you stop to think of it. And sometimes people get too close.
When you stop to think about it, those are all things you only normally do with your wife when you are on holiday.

Sometimes things 'progress' further, and even though your husband loves you to bits, he is going to take the 'opportuinity', especially if he knows that there is NO way you will ever find out.
So, in his mind, what you don't know can't hurt you.

Anybody that thinks they can wave their husband off on a business trip and trust him completely is being naive, 'm afraid .

I know some stories that'd make your hair curl.

Yes.

I work away a lot and, let's put it this way, if i were a woman i would never trust a bloke. The cliche about it being the quiet ones - it is true.
Stag-do in poland a few years ago, 22 blokes, range of backgrounds, but mainly well educated as majorty had met at uni in their 20s. Now all in their 30s, 21 out of 22 were married or in a relationship. Majority had kids. 15 that i am aware of used the services of a brothel on at least one of the nights we were there, not sure about the others. Most women think their bloke is 'different' and 'not like that'. Tis very naive IME.

I trust my DH 100% with regards to other women. I don't trust him 100% re money. I've always said he'd never cheat on me but if he dies suddenly I might find out he's remortgaged the house behind my back extreme but it's crossed my mind before

Not you though, simon ?

Simon is right. It doesn't matter if they are loud or quiet.
Opportunity is all it takes.

Anyway, trustworthy is only a label that we stick on somebody. It's not a solid thing.
A person doesn't become trustworthy just because YOU think they are!

Nah, feeling the entitlement to cheat is all it takes. The rest is created.

Simon, entirely agree. As a guy I know it and have seen it. Women who think their guy can't or won't cheat are naive.

They may not have do it actively but if they were presented with the right situation, they would go for it irrespective of how they feel about their wife or gf.

In my early career I worked away a fair bit and yes, dinner, drinks and bed were common. Older guys trying to pull the new grads was a common "sport".

god no.

I don't blindly trust anyone. Not a soul on this earth.

I trust my husband because he's a good, decent man.

That doesn't make me naïve. It makes me a good judge of character who has picked a good man.

Deep down, yes I trust him more than anything....However I have a VERY overactive imagination and am also extremely nosy, 2 traits which have occasionally had me come to the conclusion dh was having it off with someone else. I also do his tax returns so am privy to all comings and goings financially, but I still have the odd peek at his mobile to satisfy my nose.

And what about blokes who're convinced their partners won't have a quick fling on a work trip? Just wondered if they're naïve too?

Whether or not I'd 'trust' my partner - and I think it's pretty unlikely, frankly, that he'd have sex with another woman - I'm really not prepared to spend my life spying on him. The idea of combing his messages and receipts is repulsive. I'd hate it if he did it to me.

So what do you 'you're so naïve, any bloke who goes off on a work trip is busy trying to get into other women's pants' advocates suggest partners do? Spy on them? Resign ourselves to these Frightful Male Libidos?

vestandknickers im not sure it is about how good a judge of character (whatever that means) people are, it is about the fact that men - IME - have an ability to transform into completely different characters depending on their setting. I wish some women with these so-called saints of men could be a fly on the wall to some of the shennanigans i have witnessed. They wouldnt believe their eyes. Given Alcohol + opportunity + circumstance and i reckon 90 per cent of men would, were it offered on a plate with somebody they found attractive, say yes - assuming they knew they wouldnt get found out.

simon, in those sets of circumstances I reckon most women would too

Well Simon I know who's view of the world I'd rather have.

My husband would be appalled by the type of behaviour you describe. I've known him for over 25 years. He is a fundamentally decent man. It has got nothing to do with getting found out and everything to do with having a bit of moral fibre.

You may surround yourself with the kind of man you describe. Or you may be one of those men and find it easier to believe that all other men are equally shallow and lacking in morals.

There are good men around though and I know my husband is one of them.

What a shame for you that you cannot appreciate that.

Yes, but what do you recommend we do, my partner and I? Never go anywhere without each other, in case we succumb to crazed lust for someone else? Forbid each other nights away with friends of either gender, much less work conferences? Should we police each other, and go through each other's email inboxes and log receipts?

I really can't be arsed to live with that level of insecurity.

I completely trust my husband, he travels sometimes for work and it would never enter my head to check up on him.

Interesting. And if you went off on a business trip, would your husband be naive to assume you weren't going to shag Gavin from accounts the minute you arrived in the conference centre in Milton Keynes?

Yes, I trust my husband 100%, more than 100%. He is my best friend. He has ample opportunity in his line of work, and I have no problem with lads golfing holidays.

I on the otherhand ..... well need I say more?