How can you tell if your DH/DP is having an affair?

[HelpMNINeedYou]

What are the 'give aways' of someone having an affair?

I have had some slightly suspicious feelings for a while now about DH and a person he works with. (I will call her X for now)

I have never had cause to not trust him before and TBH I don't have cause to not trust him now. BUT .......things don't feel right with regards to X.

There are many things like this that I am adding up and maybe I am coming to the wrong answer but I have NEVER felt like this at all in the 11 years we have been together (Married for 4 years)

That sounds like an excellent idea Help, will do you the power of good I'm sure! x

Well done you, am very !!
Enjoy your evening

The more busy, involved and happy you seem, the more boring, intense and available that FaceBook girl will seem. If he sees her every day in the office, same-old same-old, but barely gets 5 minutes with you as you whizz around conducting your fabulous life, you are the one he'll start craving.

"Mmm, what's that, DH? You're going out again? Fabulous, I've got X, Y and Z coming over in 10 minutes so it'll be nice to have the house to ourselves. Don't rush home. Bye!"

That is a great idea., thank you.

I've just text her to let her know I am fee tonight if she wants and she text back, that she will kick her DH and DC upstairs for the night so we can have a girly night.

She sounds lovely. And how quickly you'll start feeling you're getting your old self back!

I am feeling very positive and optimistic about all this. Honest.

way to go.

Oh - are you going to be telling your dh that you're going out tonight? Because tbh I would. He needs too see that you have a life as well.

"just to let you know, I'm going over to x's tonight for a drink etc. Mum is coming over to sit with dd," if he doesn't like that then he'll just hav to rearrange his plans won't he.

wannaBe has hit the nail on the head - if he's not happy for your mum to pop over to babsit then HE will have to do the childcare himself!

PS Your mum sounds great, will she pop over and watch my two some time?

Message withdrawn

What exactly is the reason that he doesn't like your mum babysitting? Is it just control - he doesn't want you to go out without him, and he also doesn't want to give up time on his own to spend time with you?

How selfish.

Does he object to your best friend babysitting? If you were stuck for a babysitter, how about you and DC go to your best friend's for a girly sleepover some night - just inform him at the last minute that you won't be home

Even if you just go for the evening (but make sure it's a late one!) it'll let him see you have a life of YOUR OWN.

MNneed, it's great that you're feeling more positive. Having a bit of fun should lift your spirits.

It's also excellent to be supportive of your partners needs in a marriage, but not at the expense of your very basic needs.

Try and remember the person you were 10 years ago and imagine what she might have thought about you going essentially shoeless while your husband does what he likes. Or picture your DD in your situation in a few decades time and imagine what you'd think of a partner who treated her that way.

Sadly it reads as though you felt better after that first chat simply because he'd paid you some attention, not because he'd taken your concerns seriously or addressed them at all. He flipped them round and made it all about him.

An affair is almost irrelevant when you put it into context. Are you really happy to continue feeling insecure, worrying that he'll be angry because your mother babysits, going without and taking the blame?

Feeling positive is a good aim, but first you need to work out if it's possible without significant changes.

Don't ask him if you can go to college, go out to visit friends, or do stuff you like.

Just do it. Make arrangements, and go off and do them.

It's what he does isn't it?

Message withdrawn

Hi all, I have been meaning to come back and update, but I have been very busy

I went out to my friends house and had a great time. I texted DH to let him know that I was going out and mum would be here when he got back, TBH he didn't seem that bothered.

I've also joined the gym and I aim to go at least 3-4 times a week. Mum has said she will have DD, mum and I are sitting down over the weekend to go through our weekly diaries to work out when is best for both of us.
DH wasn't very happy with that, but like I told him it is only #25.00 a month for my gym membership and he spends that same amount going out once a week, let alone anything else he does.

I have also enroled on a 10 week peadiatric first aid course which starts after xmas, this means that DH will have to stop karate in the week if he doesn't want mum to babysit.

DH seems the same as usual TBH, I hoping that he will start to miss me and actually show me some love and attention.

But I shall see....

Wow - what a positive update - I hope things work out for you

I'm impressed!

Maybe DP will start to come to gym with you even? Perhaps he could do some karate or kickboxing type thing there?

I too hope it all works out!

Hey well done. Getting a bit of a life will boost your confidence and you will be back to your old self in no time.

Once your not so dependent on him his attitude will soon change, my Dh is getting clingy now i have become so much more independant. Sometimes i really dont want to go out but i plaster a smile on my face and go. Im so pleased for you, keep it up!!!