FAB & GLAM PART 8 - Onwards and Upwards!

[ginnny]

8000 posts - how do we find so much to talk about

oh yeah also going to watch rugby this afternoon too
Calm down ladies is only my 11 year old son.

will have to be tomorrow as he has a dinner meeting tonight and wont be home until at least 1am i should think - at least i doubt he will drink tonight though as he is nusing a sore head.
Should i feel guilty because i am not there to soothe it for him? What a bad wife i am.

So how do we expell the selfish bit of him?

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Hi everyone

First I've got to apologise for not having been around.

Second, I'm in a very weird place at the moment. I'm under a lot of pressure both at work and personally.

I'm just not able to offer any support or advice to anyone right now and I have decided to duck out of this thread altogether.

I'm sorry adn I feel like I'm abandoning you all a bit but I'm not contributing any good here and I need to step back and regain some positivity and perspective about life etc.

Good luck everyone, I really hope things improve for you all soon.

PC I'm so sorry you're finding things so hard but I do understand. Do whatever you need to do.

You have my e-mail and my number. I'm here for you anytime.

Another meet up, or visit would be great. Even for those who aren't on here much anymore - I think between us we all have everyone's contact details.

I will keep in touch.

Thinking of you xx

p.s. I don't think that's a bad lesson for us all to learn tbh PC. We all have some amaingly positive things in our life, not least our children! Relationships end, develop, change. And there's nobody in this world who will live their whole lives without some pain and heartache. It's how we learn. How we get stronger. How we rationalise what's important and what really matters.

Maybe we all need to take a bit of your approach PC and take a little step back.

Even in the midst of everything I am truly blessed to have my beautiful son. I have amazing family and friends. A great career. And even though the relationship with ds's dad wasn't meant to be - I wouldn't change it for the world. As it gave me ds

xx

Sorry to see you go PC. I can understand why though.
Baffy you are right. Sometimes we get so caught up in all the doom and gloom we forget that we all have a lot to be thankful for, most of all that we have our dc.
I have had the worst week ever but I think I'm all cried out now. I'm taking control again and hoping I can move on from him now.
I know for certain that it will be a hell of a long time before I even think of another relationship and I doubt if I'll ever completely trust a man again.
Huge thanks to MHIS for being so lovely on msn when I was having a meltdown on Wednesday night.
Hope you all manage to have a good weekend - at least the sun is shining.

Oh dear - a lot of sadness on this thread right now

Ginnny - so sorry you are having to go for STIs. Been there and it is so degrading
Did though at your ds losing 3 jumpers. I am anal about his clothing. Can't stand it when he loses stuff. Guess I better get used to it WW - also lol at your ds wearing a "polo-neck"

Lilyloo - how are you? I know you were really down quite recently.

PC - sorry things not going well at work and home Anything we can help with/advise?

Dior - how's the diet going? Is h back yet?

Baffy - yeah,he's still playing her games. If he'd come to his senses, he'd have twigged that he needs to detach from all that nonsense. So what if she has no petrol. Hardly an emergency situation. She will be 100 times worse when the baby arrived. I can understand why you are annoyed, as it impacts on his contact with your ds.

HW - I agree with Dior's advice wrt dh with the caveat that I would feel exactly the same as you!! If he hadn't cheated on you, you wouldn't be hung up on him calling you late. He's probably wondering when he can stop having to prove himself to you and cease being under suspicion. Imo the alcohol has brought out the frustration he feels about the situation, wondering when you will both be free of the past. Because he was intoxicated, he couldn't express it this way so it came out as anger/resentment. Also alcohol does make people more sensitive/paranoid/generally dickhead-ish, so I would accept his apology and take it at face-value. Now, I personally do not know when or if I will ever be able to trust dh again. It is really hard to accept that this is how I feel. I am a forgiving person, but I am not naturally very trusting. I did trust him before - I don't know if I ever can again. That makes me feel very sad. I think the two of you need to talk about what happened and try and move forward (together). Find out from him how he feels. My dh doesn't talk about how he feels much. I've been so busy at work for the past 2 weeks that I haven't asked him. I will this weekend. Do you think it would help to have individual counselling? I also think counselling is not something you can only have once. I would go back and see the counsellors if I felt we were struggling.

Ginnny - just read that back. Looked a bit insensitive to be grinning just after the Sorry I really hope it is third time lucky for you and you meet a great bloke, but don't rush to find him. Take your time to work out what you want. Thinking of you Tell him to shove his caravan where the sun don't shine.

So much still going on I feel like I am on the worlds longest rollercoaster - up and down...I think the worst thing is that H is NOW trying his hardest and it is just too late for me and I just wish he could have realised and done what he needed 18 months ago
For those that don't know he had an affair over 2 years ago now and really messed me about saying he wanted to come back begging me not to divorce him, all along seeing and stringing the OW along too.....She really is a piece of work - selfish and immature and totally obsessed with him and "having my life" - she got pregnant in a last ditch attempt to keep him (yes he helped too ) and her baby is now just over a year - H sees the baby regularly but swears he is not with her and has only a civil relationship for the baby We have been living apart nearly 2 years now!
I find it so hard and think the only reason I am still sane is because of my little accident baby DD2 who is now 9 months old - she truly was a surprise having tried for no 2 for years before the affair (DD1 is 7) and was conceived on a attempted reconciliation
every day there is something else to deal with - the latest is my attempt at a will to protect my daughters future but it seems that no matter how we write it as long as we are married the OW baby will have a large claim to any joint assets (which includes my insurance policies, ISAS and pension )...the bulk of any joint estate will be mine but even if we don't mention her and nominate my sister as exceutor/beneficiary etc the OW could mount an contest and would almost ceratinly win...Worst case scenario is one of 2 - H dies first and everything becomes mine - OW could contest this and force me to pay her a substantial sum as her child is still a minor dependant of my husband (I would then be forced to sell property to pay her which is meant to be my childrens future), second is all 4 of us die (say a plane crash) so leaving it all to my sister she could mount an almost certain contest and get the lot (in my estimate not far off a million pounds ) EVEN if as I suggested we make her and my sister half equal beneficiaries she could contest that
I do struggle as I genuinely hold the baby no malice and can undertsand my husband wanting to make sure she is cared for as well and can even understand her lunatic mother wanting the best for her...the thing is though I have worked my socks off to give my girls a safe secure future, I owe this child no responsibilty - this lunatic tart walked into my life and wreaked havoc she treated me and my daughter with an appalling lack of human decency morality or concern and almost drove me off the edge .....I just cannot stomach her benefitting from her self centered destructive behaviour....
This will now push the divorce situation as this is the only way to safe guard my girls inheritance and H knows it ....it is all such a mess I still love him he is a good dad and loves my girls ..but he is and always was a rather crappy husband and will never change - I know I have to accept this divorce him and move on

Oh McD I agree. I think your hand has been forced. Your last sentence is the most significant I think.

LL - you weren't being insensitive at all.
MacD - It is time to push for that divorce. I know you love him and that won't change but once you are divorced you will be free to lead your own life and build a future for your little girls.
You're right, this baby although innocent is not your responsibility, its H's and OW's.
I had a rubbish night out. I offered to drive because I'm quite skint, so we went to a neighbouring town. Then came back here and they wanted to go to a pub xp used to drink in. One of his arsehole friends was in there and started having a go at me for taking all X's money and cancelling his bank cards. All lies that he's been spreading around. My friends stuck up for me and my friends Dad actually told the guy to shut up, but it ruined the evening for me and I came home early. Good job I didn't drink or I might have thumped him.

X has gone away for the weekend to 'think and be alone' MY ARSE!!!

McD So sorry you are still having to go through it. I think you know that you really do have to divorce him now - otherwise ow and her baby will always be able to take from your girls. This is showing everyone that you are being practical and putting your girls needs first.

I know no-one likes to think about the worst with life insurace and wills ect but these things really do happen. Just recently i have known a few families in similar situations - and with divorces involved it is still complicated. Trouble is no-one can really blame ow for looking out for her dd either - and solicitors certainly would go for all they can.

I can remember my solicitor saying that if i went ahead it would be important to 'get' as much up front as any future ow could have a claim above me if h died.
It sounds harsh and money-grabbing but if you dont get the control in the first place you could end up with no choices at all.
Now is the time to be selfish and act in your and dds best interest. He will probably kick off and get angry (maybe he will then at least understand some of your anger about what has happened).
Please please go ahead with the divorce - even if you do get back together as then you can start with a new set of rules with the protection in place.

It is hard enough without the complications you have with ow baby. At least i know they will never be anyone else with a claim if h were to die. But i think if i were you i would want to wipe the slate and start again even if that meant divorce and then a new marriage with pre-nup drawn up.
McD this is not just about you and h it is about your girls remember.

If you need a hand holding i will do what i can. Thinking of you.

H being very very remorseful - he feels he has a problem with alcohol - oh theres a shock.
He said although he did not go out to overdo it he did feel his anger rising and admits to wanting a fight - but then also says he cant really remember some of the things he says.
He says he does feel he has to still 'prove' to me all the time - but that comes more from him actually.
We always used to telephone each other when he was away anyway so it is not like things have changed that much - but i suppose i do get more upset if he doesnt stick to the 'rules' we have together put in place.
We are going to go back to a counsellor - although i think we both know that it is just a case of talking to each more without being so defensive of our own feelings.

We also have some time away together coming up which we will both enjoy anyway.

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Well hello everyone

Finally I have had enough!! Today I went out and got a brand new laptop as my old pc has finally given up the ghost, am sick of not being able to get on internet especially speaking to you guys.

How are things? Am shocked to see PC going. Are you ok?

Dior, Baffy, HW, ginny, mac d, good to see you all again, I have got a lot of catching up to do.

I am ok, been struggling with RL, trying but not really winning to get myself back together after my seperation from H over a year ago now! It's so hard bringing up kids
on your own

Hope to be in touch with you all again now xxxxxx

Or OSJ for those of you that remember lol xx

We remember welcome back you
Yes it is unbelievably hard being a single parent ....and so frustrating how the men get to swan off to start their new lives leaving all the day to day grind to us and swan in and out being Mr Wonderful dad

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Hi OSJ. I remember you.
Good to see you.

Thanks for the welcome ladies

Totally agree macd they do swan in and out, isn't it amazing how quickly they lose touch with the day to day stuff. I remember my H crying his eyes out when we split cos he couldn't imagine not waking up with them every day. One year later he has new life & gf which clearly take priority to them.

Is everyone on the new FB now? Am going to try sit down tonight when kids in bed & do some proper catching up!!

Dior, I have been meaning to text or call you too! How are things?

xx

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Just marking where I'm up to

OSJ lovely to see you!

Hi to everyone else.

Some developments with H but if I start here then I'll never stop!

Macd Your post has given me some massive food for thought xx

Dior, would love to meet up again next time I come up. Not sure when it will be yet as working all half term unfortunately.

Glad to hear things are good with you, look forward to catching up properly xx

Baffy, good to be in touch again (as goes for all of you!). Hope things are not too bad. Was hoping to get a bit of catching up done on here tonight but am really tired so will try again tomorrow!

Thinking of you all xx

Think I might name change back as you all know me as OSJ lol.