Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

FAB & GLAM PART 8 - Onwards and Upwards!

1009 replies

ginnny · 18/09/2008 12:16

8000 posts - how do we find so much to talk about

OP posts:
ohsmellyjelly · 29/09/2008 23:16

There we go.... feels better!

ohsmellyjelly · 29/09/2008 23:17

Don't think my nearly-ex H will be spying on me these days as he's far too busy with his new life...

ginnny · 30/09/2008 00:51

I can't sleep. Its been a very eventful night. After a whole weekend of no contact XP called tonight, he had great pleasure in telling me that he had taken OW away for the weekend and slept with her and it was all my fault as I apparently drove him to do it
I broke down on the phone and couldn't even speak any more so he came round and apologised and said he'd only done it to hurt me. I asked him what is going on with her if its serious or just a fling. He said "that depends on you!". . He said if I'm willing to forgive and forget and have him back he'll drop her. He spent all weekend wishing he was with me.
I asked him to go and told him that now I knew for certain what had been going on there is no way in the world I'd have him back, so he left.
Later, after much crying on the phone to my Mum, I calmed down slightly and sent her a text saying "x just told me that he spent all weekend thinking of me and that if I will forgive him he'll drop you. I told him where to go so I guess he'll stay with you. Aren't you the lucky one?" Bitchy I know but I felt much better for it.
So thats it. Over. She hasn't won, he used her to get at me and it backfired on him big time. Even if he talks his way out of it with her she'll always know she's second choice.
Strangely I feel better tonight than I have in ages. I'm free of him and his lies and drinking and all the other crap.
Just got to find a way to keep feeling like this and not let him get under my skin ever again.

OP posts:
macdoodle · 30/09/2008 10:26

Ginny you and me both - massive fight this morning in front of the kids ...not gonna even go into what it was about you guts must be so sick of hearing it ..
he wouldn't even talk to me afterwards and said he doesn't know how he keeps his hands off me (he means stops from hitting me)
I have written him a letter telling him that I really don't want to see him as we just keep going round in circles and that all kids contact neds to be via his mum - I have geared up some emergency childcare in case he doesn't have them when he usually does
And I have made a soicitors appointment for next week!
These men are toxic - Ginny why do we let them treat us like this - I would never ever allow anyone to treat me like this in any othr aspect of my life...I am determined not to cave in again I can't keep doing this forever - can I have some strength please

ginnny · 30/09/2008 10:58

MacD that things have gone so horribly wrong for you.
We have to take back the control MacD stop letting them treat us like this. They only do it because we let them.
I actually phoned him this morning, told him I still love him and he got all excited and interested saying ?I love you too ? so what can we do then, where do we go from here ? is there a chance for us now??. I said ?NO?. You?ve slept with her and I?ll never go near you again ? you?re soiled goods now and I don?t want you anymore!?.
I just wanted to hear him say it one more time . But strangely I?m not down any more. I?ve won in all this. Everyone knows he loves me and not her and he?ll have to live with the fact that he threw it all away for what is little more than a fling for the rest of his life. I?m the one who is walking away with a clear conscience knowing I?ve done everything I can to make it work, and I?ve still got the boys and a great family and friends, something he?ll never have.
I'm feeling strong and in control today, and like you I need to find the strength to keep this going and stop myself from slipping back again.

OP posts:
Dior · 30/09/2008 16:31

Message withdrawn

Dior · 30/09/2008 16:31

Message withdrawn

ladylush · 30/09/2008 18:06

Was it really mean? When Ginnny and xp were not really finished? Assuming ow knew this I mean. Plus if I was ow I would want to know I am second best - I really would.

Dior · 30/09/2008 19:11

Message withdrawn

anothermum92 · 30/09/2008 21:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ginnny · 30/09/2008 21:35

I'm not proud of it Dior, but I was in such a state and he was taunting me with his new found love life. I just thought why should she be happy when I'm so f*ing miserable .
And, he is playing us off against each other so I thought she should know what she's getting into.
It backfired on me big time. She went wingeing to him again and he had a go at me. Serves me right I suppose.

OP posts:
HappyWoman · 01/10/2008 06:48

Welcome anothermum - the thread is a bit quieter than usual but is still great and the people here are great too so please stay.

Ginnny - dont beat yourself up about the text - it is done now and is still not as low as what he did. And hopefully it has got something out of your system too. Hope you try and keep that feeling of control too.

McD - so sorry it is still going on - is he trying to push you into this so he does not have the guilt of actually going for the divorce himself?
See that solicitor and take back some control.
Like you said you would not take this in any other area of your life - and you do not want your dds to see this as normal.
This is not your fault remember that - he has had so much time to show you otherwise now but he still seems to turn it into your fault somehow.
Thinking about you and you know where i am if you need a chat.

ginnny · 01/10/2008 10:12

Thanks HW
This has all upset me so much, in all the time I was with x I've never cried as much as I have in the last week.
I think the reason is that he was the one pushing for us to work it out. I'd given up on it all after we got back off holiday and I really thought that was it. Then he was making all the big promises, being so nice and trying (not always successfully I admit) to sort out his drinking. So I think I still thought of him as 'mine' - I never ever thought there would be an OW in the picture. That is why this has come as such a blow to me.
I know in my heart I have to walk away, but I can't help the fact that I still love him and wanted more than anything for us to find our way back to the way we used to be.
Anothermum = welcome. Sorry you are going through it too. Your H has to make his mind up what he wants. What he said to you about OW was horrible and cruel. How do you feel about him now? Do you think you could stay with him knowing that's how he feels?

OP posts:
Dior · 01/10/2008 10:20

Message withdrawn

ginnny · 01/10/2008 11:15

You didn't offend me Dior, only said what I already knew (and probably what nobody else dared to say out loud )
You are right. Alcohol is at the root of all this.
I hate myself for even saying this but I love him and I want more than anything for him to come back and stop all this. But it won't happen and I have to try and get over it.
Something about all this is not adding up. I've got a million unanswered questions floating round my head. Can't go into all the details on here - it would bore you all stupid and take ages, but things aren't quite what they seem with him and her.

OP posts:
Dioriffic · 01/10/2008 13:41

Message withdrawn

sugarpear · 01/10/2008 13:46

Ginny fwiw i think it was perfectly understandable the way you texted her. The fact is you obviously know her to have her number. I havent read the whole thread as im so behind. didnt even realise he had cheated on you. Im really sorry to hear it.

If you think he would answer the questions, then ask him.

sorry your hurting xxx

WilyWombat · 01/10/2008 14:28

tbh Ginny I would probably have not been able to stop myself from texting her either, and yes I would have regretted it afterwards.

I know he was telling you he wanted to get back together with you and chasing someone else whilst doing this isnt exactly proving his dedication to your relationship but werent you technically separated when he was with her - so he was really free to do what he wanted.

You really are better off without him this relationship is heading into abusive territory with his behaviour on holiday and whilst you are free to go that route if you really feel you cant live without him do you really want that for your children, do you want them to think that that is how relationships work and accept that for themselves when they grow up?

Im sure you can find someone who will treat you much better when you are ready to.

ginnny · 01/10/2008 14:41

Thanks Dioriffic!!!
Sugar - no I don't know her. I copied her number down when I found the texts on his phone .
Wily - yes technically he was a free agent. But he begged me to give him a chance to straighten himself out before I met anyone else so we both agreed not to see anyone else for 6 months (not that I had anyone interested anyway ). He saw me go on a few girls nights out when we came back from holiday and panicked that he would lose me. Thats why I'm so upset. He stopped me moving on then went off and did this.
I think I've been pushing myself to get over it too quick. I need to just take my time and cry it out before I can move on.
Thanks you lot - you really do help

OP posts:
Witchybella · 01/10/2008 15:36

Hi not been on this thread for a while as keep bursting in to tears every time I try to write something. DP has finally decided that he wants to be with other women as he just cant let go of her

Tanee58 · 01/10/2008 15:39

Hi everyone, sorry not to have been around this past week, have had a stinking cold & couldn't bear looking at a computer screen, even to catch up with my lovely MNetters . Only good point about it was that DP actually behaved really well and looked after me, did all the household chores I'd been planning to complain about in my Relate homework - even put out the recycling without prompting (I had to remind him that the rubbish needed to go too, though ).We were asked last night how he'd behaved during previous illnesses since living together. My last bad cold was last November, and his behaviour, frankly, stank. He just left me to it without even offering me a cup of tea or checking to see if I was still alive (he was quite depressed at the time) and I felt rotten. The counsellor suggested to him that caring for me this time was hugely positive for both of us (especially as he hates illness) and that not only does it show he can think of how I might be feeling, but it might positively aid my recovery. (He was certainly a help when I had cancer years ago, even though we weren't together. I used to look forward to his phonecalls after each chemo, checking on progress - and he made me feel beautiful even with my bald head!)

OSJ, good to see you again - how are you?

Ginnny, - how COULD he! It was naughty of you to text semi/OW - - but I don't blame you, and now she also knows exactly what he's like & where she stands. if she's got any sense she'll dump him pronto.

HW - how are you? You sound very low.

Dior, look at you, missing him

Will catch up on all of you later, but really should do some work now!

Tanee58 · 01/10/2008 15:39

Witchy - before I go - oh, so sorry. Can I send hugs if that's any help?

Witchybella · 01/10/2008 16:00

Tanee58 - greatly recieved thank you

And to every one else sorry not much support to you.

HappyWoman · 01/10/2008 16:13

Hi Tanee

I am feeling much better - done some retail therapy today so that always helps.

H and I have some time away soon so that should help too.

But we have been let down by the person who normally looks after the children.
It makes me very cross as i had a feeling she would do this - why cant people be relyed upon?
Anyway after some frantic calling we think we have it sorted. But it was more stress i just didnt need at the mo.

Trying to enjoy the sunshine but it is bloody freezing and i am being mrs scrooge and refusing to turn the heating on. Might give in tonight though.

HappyWoman · 01/10/2008 16:17

Sorry whichy and ginnny too - its not fair you feeling like this.

Would send you all hugs but actually need to hug myself to keep warm atm. .

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is not accepting new messages.