Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

FAB & GLAM PART 8 - Onwards and Upwards!

1009 replies

ginnny · 18/09/2008 12:16

8000 posts - how do we find so much to talk about

OP posts:
Baffy · 18/01/2009 16:54

Hi

I'm ok thanks HW, house is all progressing nicely and should have a date for completion by the end of Jan

OW's baby is due in the next week or two so very mixed feelings right now. I want to be able to accept it and have it as part of ds's life but I'm still so haunted by everything OW did and said. Her NM has left her by all accounts (whether or not you can believe anything she says), apparently his mum hates her and being the mummy's boy he is, he's decided that she (plus another man's child) is too high maintenance after all...
Who knows. My only concern is the impact on H and therefore, impact on his time with ds. Such a mess. I've found myself buying a few bits for my new baby and contemplating getting things for her lo too. I've literally had to walk back to put nappies, babygrows etc back on the shelf that I almost bought for her. I think I'm losing the plot!! One minute I want to kill her. The next I just want us to all put the past in the past and do what's best for our children.
I don't know what to do for the best anymore.

I'm honestly ok though. Baby is growing nicely and am really feeling it move now. MW thinks I have an infection and have been incredibly tired and headachey over the last week which has been hard work. But other than that all is ok

I have also told ds now and he's been an absolute star. Wants to call the baby Bart or Lisa. Really must cut down on how much he watches the Simpsons

HappyWoman · 19/01/2009 08:00

Baffy you are still being too nice - and i am worried that there is still so much anger inside which you will not let out - and i think this will make you sad in the long run.

How is h - you say you want to put it behind you, so is he back?? Please dont have concern for him - he must learn to cope and not allow you to take any of the brunt (which you are by feeling even a bit sorry for her).

Anyway good luck - and do feel free to email me - always here for you.

Baffy · 19/01/2009 09:02

Thanks HW

I think you're probably right. But I don't know how to let the anger out. The thought of counselling again, and re-living all those memories and feelings, makes me feel sick. I can't go through it all again - not even in my head.

H isn't back. But is doing everything he can to be back. Yet another complication just when I'd finally got my head around life on my own.

But by taking him back I take on her, and the child too.

So face life on my own with the two children just when I could potentially have us all back together as I always wanted. Put my faith in a husband who was amazing for 13 years, but has frankly been beyond horrendous for the last 2 years! Hope it can all work out. Or take my chances on my own...

I'm not sure there's any answers or anything anyone can say to help. Probably why I'm not posting for advice. I think I just have to take this one day at a time and do what feels right (and best) for me and the children. (Once I figure out what that is!!)

You're right though HW, I think there's lots buried deep inside and I'm just not sure I want to face any of it again...

One way or another, it will all work out in the end. It has to

HappyWoman · 19/01/2009 09:12

I only say that as i too am having a few wobbles, especially with the trust issue.
Understand about not wanting to re-live it all again.

Take your time and find the wonderful you inside and treasure those lovely children.

Just remember i am thinking of you.

ladylush · 19/01/2009 11:13

Baffy one thing is certain - it will not be easy whatever you decide. I sit here sometimes and am aware of the deafening silence - all the things I am thinking,feeling but can't bring myself to say. It causes a distance between h and I, yet tbh bringing it all up again doesn't feel like the right thing to do either. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Just make sure whatever you decide, that it's the right thing for you foremost. That's very important.

Dior · 19/01/2009 12:18

HW - hope you are ok? Want to meet up? I can't do this week but would be ok Mon/Tue/Thur next week...

TANEE!!! You free?

Tanee58 · 19/01/2009 16:09

Dior & HW, I can't do next Monday (I am doing an assertiveness training course ) but Thursday would be good.

HW, best thing when H is in a mood -especially if alcohol induced - is ignore him! I'm using this tactic with DP and so far, it works like a dream. For instance, this Saturday he was really tired in the morning and looking forward to a lie-in. DD's radio was on in the next room and he found the vibration really irritating (I could barely hear it). So she turned it right down. I went downstairs and turned on the TV (quite low), but he could hear that too, and came downstairs looking like death warmed up and declared, 'OK, you have defeated me' - as if we were in a plot to destroy his sleep . I was all sweetness and light, did things with DD and left him to it and managed to keep it going into the evening, when he drank his usual but things were ok until DD came home after midnight, when he suddenly went off to bed without saying anything, leaving his DVD still playing and half a glass of wine undrunk, and when I went up to see whether he'd actually gone to bed, and said I just wanted to know as he'd left his film running, he said, 'Well, you know how to turn it off, don't you?'. I ignored prattish answer, went down and spent some quality time with DD (who'd just been proposed to by some ex-con on the Underground whom she'd never met before ). Yesterday morning DP got his lie-in, came down around mid-day and apologised for having been such a bear the day before. I know if I'd retaliated on Saturday, things would have escalated into one of his full-on depressions, but this way it dissipated after he'd had a good night's rest. I think, on some level, he appreciates this, as he's always particularly nice afterwards!

ladylush · 19/01/2009 17:55

Bloody hell Tanee - you are one patient lady

Dior · 19/01/2009 18:15
Dior · 19/01/2009 18:47

AAARRrrggggghhh! I am really down today. I should be bouncing back from PMT as I have come on, BUT I am feeling really paranoid and low. WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH ME? I want to mash my head in a big mangle.

HappyWoman · 19/01/2009 19:08

Dior would love to meet - I will check if i can next thurs if that ok?
Tanee - i too am going to ignore him - and yes it does work - he came round last night and said 'i thought you would come and give me a cuddle', why would i want to when he is i such a foul mood, and yes it was alcohol induced too.

Lush - dont you think the silence could turn to real resentment in the future - i just hate the idea that i will turn into one of those bitter women who obviously has a problem with something but just wont say what it is?
Most of the time we can make a joke of it - but it really is not a funny matter.

I think this time of year is hard on us all too.
Do you know it is nearly 2 years since h had all that time off -where has that time gone and we have been in this house for nearly 2 years too.

ladylush · 20/01/2009 09:21

HW - I hope not. Most of the time the foul mood I'm in passes and dh is completely oblivious as to how I was feeling anyway! I don't know what the answer is tbh. Talking about it makes him stressed (and doesn't make me feel that great tbh). Email is his preferred mode of communication. He can be surprisingly expressive by email!! I think you're right though.........it's a shit time of year. I dragged myself out for my birthday at the weekend and actually it was quite nice spending it with dh and ds. I got some nice pressies

Tanee58 · 20/01/2009 15:16

Dior & LL, sorry you're both feeling low. LL, perhaps you should email him???

Yesterday was certainly a bad day chez Tanee. DD's gone down with the flu bug, her oyster card failed and a nasty bus driver wouldn't let her travel unless she paid £2 - which she didn't have. If her friend hadn't paid for her, she would have been stranded in central london with no way of getting home! Bast*. I feel a letter of complaint coming on...

LL, I am just adjusting my halo - it certainly seems to work with DP. I don't ignore him completely, but I just behave so NICELY and normally to him, as if nothing's been said, that he can't keep on being grumpy! What I ignore are his grumpy snipes. It's so tempting to snipe back and tell him to grow up or whatever, but I don't do it, so he has no excuse to continue the grumps. Glad it worked for you too, HW It's also a good excuse for me to go off and do something nice for myself.

HappyWoman · 20/01/2009 16:08

I have just sent a rather cryptic and rather odd email to h at his old firms email adress - the auto-reply says all emails will be checked to see if it work related.

Still they think i am mad anyway - there werent too many personal details.

Tanee58 · 20/01/2009 17:01

HW for you! Hope it wasn't too personal?

Dior, how are you feeling today? The halo looks great, by the way .

I'm feeling better after a nice man at Transport for London said he'd sort out DD's oyster card. Just shows how being pleasant to customers can make one feel better (I have to do this all the time at work, so it feels like second nature and I know for a fact that I have made someone's day better). She left her best leather gloves on the bus too. I don't suppose we'll see them again, but I'm trying Lost property just in case. I shall still complain about the arsey bus driver though. His only comment when she found her card didn't work, and she had no money, was 'Goodbye'. How utterly, utterly rude. And drivers are supposed to use their discretion not to abandon minors - particularly girls - when their cards don't work through no fault of their own.

Baffy, lol at DS wanting to call the mini teabag Lisa or Bart ! Mind you, Lisa's a great role model!

ladylush · 20/01/2009 17:47

Tanee your technique with dp is perfect, but I'm afraid I am far too stubborn and fiery to do the nice act if I feel h is being unjust. Actually, that's one of the things he likes about me But respect to you for doing it That's outrageous re your dd. What a bastard Glad she got home safely. I don't think I will email dh. I'm just feeling weird right now because I don't know what is happening with the pregnancy. No signs that anything is wrong, but have had a few mmc so doesn't mean much.

HappyWoman · 20/01/2009 18:03

no it wasnt personal as such - just made me look a bit dippy - but i am sure they would know that anyway.

Anyway now i know they are reading them - who says i should send some old ones back??? With some nice juicy bits in. That will keep the office amused and put an end to the january blues.

Whoops no halo for me then!

Dior · 20/01/2009 19:48
Dior · 20/01/2009 22:26

Guys, I am having a bit of a break for a while. I am going to concentrate on crafting and not keep reading the car-crash threads. Unfortunately, that means that I will not be reading this thread for a while.

HW/Tanee/OSJ/PC have my mobile numbers if anyone needs me.

Take care of yourselves. Will be thinking of you all - you have been my life-line at times.

ladylush · 20/01/2009 23:19

Understand Dior. Hope the crafting keeps you happy and hope to see you back on the thread just as soon as you feel ready. Take care of yourself.

TimeForMe · 21/01/2009 09:33

To be honest Dior I don't blame you. I'm thinking of giving MN a permanent break. Some of the threads on here disgust me and most others, threads which start off completely innocent turn into nasty argumentative threads. It's like being back in the playground at school! I have never known there to be as many bullies on MN as there are right now.

Happy crafting Dior

ginnny · 21/01/2009 10:11

We'll miss you Dior - but I do understand why you are having a break. Maybe we should chat more on FB till MN gets nicer!!I only ever tend to read this thread these days unless I'm very bored at work then I have a skim down Active Convos.
I find relationships threads make me feel quite disheartened and it does sometimes spill over into real life which is not good.
Tannee - that bus driver should be sacked. FFS for the sake of £2 he could have left DD in real danger. Lucky she had her friend with her.
HW - send send send!!! Go on cause a bit of mischief
Baffy - pmsl @ Bart / Lisa. DS1 wanted to call DS2 Percy or Diesel after his favourite trains
I'm not very happy. Been on the phone to the tax credits people constantly for days now trying to sort out my new hours. If I don't work 16 hours a week I will not only lose £200 from my wages I also lose £200 from them so I'm going to have to ask my boss for 2 more hours a week, which won't go down well since we are struggling anyway. I would be better off if I stopped working and claimed benefits, but I won't do that because I actually want to work to support my dc. It makes me so
Anyway rant over ... deep breaths!!

OP posts:
ladylush · 21/01/2009 10:26

Ginnny, it's so frustrating isn't it. You want to work but end up worse off than people claiming full benefits. What a crap system we've got.

TimeForMe · 21/01/2009 10:54

Ginny, can't you claim a top up of income support if you are below the 16 hours?

TimeForMe · 21/01/2009 10:56

Here Ginny, is this any help to you?

www.adviceguide.org.uk/index/life/benefits/benefits_and_tax_credits_for_people_in_work.htm

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is not accepting new messages.
Swipe left for the next trending thread