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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

traded in for a 20 year old !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

109 replies

theboob · 05/08/2008 13:27

my dh and i were having a few problems,but had decided to work through them,he went to work on thursday night and never came back.......... he said he's been staying with a friend but after a b of digging i found out he was lying,he admited he has slept with someone and then took it back,but will not tell me where he is,i asked if it was this girl he says not,but i know her address and when i said i would go round to check he got all jumpy and said whats the point ,its none of my buisness,he works with her in the bar
so know im left heartbroken and crying while he is having the time of his life with fresh meat
i cant eat,or stop crying im a horrible mess and cant seem to pull myself together
has anyone else been through this and does it get better ?????????

OP posts:

Collision · 05/08/2008 13:30

Oh how awful!

I dont know what to say but didnt want to ignore you.

I just looked at your profile too and saw that you have 3 lovely children. Men are so stupid in giving up so much for so little.

Lots of people on here are going through the same thing so will be here to support you.

Has your H said when he will see the children?

and how cowardly not to tell you!

Original poster

theboob · 05/08/2008 13:33

i have arranged that he can visit them through his mother,i cant bear the thought of her near them,
i have seen a photo and she is everything i used to be before we had childeren and now he has everything and im left broken and alone

OP posts:

themoon66 · 05/08/2008 13:35

Why do they do this? There seem to be so many on MN at the moment. All with gorgeous DCs too

princessglitter · 05/08/2008 13:37

I'm so sorry you're going through this

charliecat · 05/08/2008 13:37

He will do the same to her.
What a fool he is. You and your children look bloody lovely.
Try to eat, and crying is your way of coping and healing yourself.
Has he been back to see the kids?
Would you have him back if he realises what ahuge mistake he is making?

MmeLindt · 05/08/2008 13:37

What an idiot he is. Don't say that you have nothing, you have 3 gorgeous DCs. And you look fab too. He is the daft one for giving up a great family for a 20yo.

As for him going to work and not coming home. That is very immature. A shitty thing to do to you and your DC.

Original poster

theboob · 05/08/2008 13:39

because something better came along,we have been together since school married for 5 years bordom i guess

OP posts:

Collision · 05/08/2008 13:39

Do you work?

Will he support you for now?

Were your problems too big to make your marriage work?

do you think you can cope without him?

charliecat · 05/08/2008 13:40

And im sure she will get bored too when she realises shes just taken on a man with 3 kids.
Fool. Honestly.

Original poster

theboob · 05/08/2008 13:42

my dc are very confused and worried,but i cant get a grip,i have been sat here all day ,not dressed,and only moved to feed them and dress them,and my 7 year old keeps bringing me tissues and telling me he will look after me ,which makes me worse
he has not been to see the kids just said he will take me to court to have better rights,i just cant send the her

OP posts:

Original poster

theboob · 05/08/2008 13:43

i'm a student and all our problems were him spending to much money trying to be 18 again,im ok for money and can support myself

OP posts:

MmeLindt · 05/08/2008 13:43

Do you have anyone who could support you a bit? Mum or sister or friend? You really need some RL help just now until you get your feet back under you.

princessglitter · 05/08/2008 13:44

He's an idiot who doesn't yet realise what he's lost. You and the children look lovely. There is lots of support for you on MN.

stirlingmum · 05/08/2008 13:45

How very sad

Just as collision says, this happens so often. I really dont know what goes through these men's minds (nothing probably).

And shame on the 20yr old tart that has allowed him into her bed. I can assure you that she wont want to take on 3 dc's, not at that age.

I can see from your profile that it probably isn't mid-life crisis time but it does sound like it. They think that is they are with someone younger, they will be younger, but in truth it makes them look older!!

I hope that he comes to his senses soon and that you are both strong enough to rebuild your relationship.

Original poster

theboob · 05/08/2008 13:47

have lots of friend sand never ending phone calls,but they have there own lives to worry about,had a visit this am from my friend but i just sat and cried,my mum has been but my brothe rhas just ;landed from germany with his fiance and has to meet them
im goout tonight with friends to see a medium but fear i will just sit there blubbing all night

OP posts:

ConstanceWearing · 05/08/2008 13:50

This happened to me four years ago, theboob.
All our problems were him trying to be 18 again too (oh, and the other woman/women). I'm so sorry, you must be devestated.

If you can't do anything, don't do anything more than you need to. Meals, drinks, nappy changes etc. Everything else is really quite non-essential. You are in shock. That's why you can't function.

Hope you are okay.

prettyfly1 · 05/08/2008 13:52

right one:

you look lovely, your kids are beautiful and your obviously bright so stop all the "what i used to be" crap. This isnt about you and its not your fault.

Two:He is the one losing out. not you from all accounts.

I am sorry for how much you hurt - been there and yes it does get easier but i wont bs you - not for a while. Who have you got for support - friends, mum etc lean on them as heavily as you can. dont give in to the misery - its the only way. have you spoken to the kids? how much do they understand?

Original poster

theboob · 05/08/2008 13:53

thankyou ,i am gutted and cant stop thinking of them ,i just want my life back
and i ha a little voice in my head telling me to stop being pathetic and get on with it but i cant

OP posts:

ConstanceWearing · 05/08/2008 13:55

Yes, your friends do have their own lives to worry about, but you would give them everysupport under the sun, I dare say. Let them do that for you too. You will really need them to get through this (he'll probably come back, to be honest. But if he does, make sure you march him straight down to Relate because he seems to think marriage and children are a trap he's too good for. He needs an attitude change, imho).

MmeLindt · 05/08/2008 13:57

You have to allow yourself time to grieve and cry. Don't feel bad about that.

Sounds like you have a good support network there, lots of people to take care of you. Let them. Even if it is just someone bringing you and your DCs a shepherds pie to save you cooking. Accept their help.

Original poster

theboob · 05/08/2008 13:57

not spoken to the kids,think my 7 year old has an idea ,5 year old just keeps hugging me ,will sit them down when i can stop crying for longer than 5 mins,have chucked all his clothes outin bags in the rain and am playing with the idea of golfclubs on drive with "free" sign on

OP posts:

ConstanceWearing · 05/08/2008 13:59

Go on then, if you want to

ConstanceWearing · 05/08/2008 14:00

sorry, shouldn't encourage you to take steps to make the situation worse.

But I know I would have done it.

Original poster

theboob · 05/08/2008 14:02

have a girls night out planned for thursday ,has been for months fond the perfect dress shoes etc....butn he will be work as will she dont know if i can stop myself walking in and smacking her head off the bar,and its a mother sfrom school night out,but i can kiss goodbye to nursing if i do that,but it would feel good

OP posts:

raggety · 05/08/2008 14:04

You are very attractive. Your children are beautiful. You are a good Mum - that is obvious from the photos, look at the lovely Hallowe'en costumes. I bet you are a good wife too.

He's a shit-for-brains-head for doing this to you and your kids. What a fool.

I can only think, as you have been together since school, and have spent your time since then with your young children, that he thinks he has missed out on some stage of growing up - out on the Raz in night clubs.
?!

She is inconsequential - could have been any little tart. She is too young or too stupid to realise what a mistake she is making. To her, he is older and wiser and she thinks he knows what he is doing.

There is nothing wrong with you. It is something messed-up going on in his head. Sadly, he will only realise his mistake in time, and it may be too late.

Take care of yourself lovee. Take as much support as you need from your friends and family and us. I hope this can be fixed if that is what you want.

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