traded in for a 20 year old !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[theboob]

my dh and i were having a few problems,but had decided to work through them,he went to work on thursday night and never came back.......... he said he's been staying with a friend but after a b of digging i found out he was lying,he admited he has slept with someone and then took it back,but will not tell me where he is,i asked if it was this girl he says not,but i know her address and when i said i would go round to check he got all jumpy and said whats the point ,its none of my buisness,he works with her in the bar
so know im left heartbroken and crying while he is having the time of his life with fresh meat
i cant eat,or stop crying im a horrible mess and cant seem to pull myself together
has anyone else been through this and does it get better ?????????

Also, get drunk with the girls, unload all the hurt off your chest, dance like crazy, color/cut your hair, and start your new life once the hangover clears.

You are only 26 years old. You are so young! There is lots of time for you to find love again. Hopefully, this time it will not be a coward who turns his back on his family to run after a girl barely out of her teens.

i went out last night only for a few hours ,but while out i was filled with panic and sickness
i came home broke down and threw up,dont know if i will be able to mannage to go out tomorrow.............will i be entiteled to legal aid for divorce
i hacked in if you know email address and you know how to get into email account then you can say forgot password and reset via email as easy as that,my mum stayed with me last night but thinks i to pull me socks up now,she has no idea how i feel but she hates him now

i just wish i could skip these next few months

A fast forward button in these situations would be great.

You arent going to enjoy yourself getting hammered yet. Everything for now is just a time filling thing. I painted a lot when I first split up with my xp and it was me who had done the throwing out(god relationship gone too rotten to fix) It gave me something to do, made me feel like I could achieve things on my own(heaving heavy furniture about swearing and crying).

You do get a free session with a solicitor and they will give you forms that will let you know if you are entitled to legal aid.
Also tell tax credits you have split up. They will stop your money and arse around no end I imagine but you must do it within 30 days.

These are all practical things if only you you buy something to mend a heart. It will be ok eventually you know. Whatever happens. xx

Hi

When something similar happened to me, I felt like I had a bone stuck in my throat, found it difficult to speak or eat, I kept retching. You do feel it physically.

Re. your finances, the Citizen's Advice Bureau are a good place to start for information about legal aid, etc.. They will be able to give you the basic information you need about legal/financial matters. And then get an appointment with a solicitor. As CharlieCat says, many offer the first appointment free. You could also post on the Lone Parents board for advice on financial, legal matters. You are maybe not a lone parent yet but you will feel better in your mind if you find out about things and make preparations.

Do you have to pay fees for your study currently? You could also approach the college for advice on possible help with fees for single parents. You might also want to visit the job centre and speak to a lone parent advisor. They are not there purely to get you into work, they can give good advice about your rights and other sources of support.

Your husband will be expected to continue to support you and his children but this will take some time to sort out. You can set the ball rolling at the job centre to get child maintenance via the CSA but it would be better if you can speak to your husband and agree on how to manage finances during an interim period (before anything formal is sorted out). I can imagine that you want nothing to do with him at the moment so maybe this is not an option. The problem is that it might take a while through the CSA and, in the meantime, you may only get the minimum.

Whatever happens, things will not be as bad as you might fear. It is difficult to think about practical matters when you heart is breaking but the more informed you are, the stronger you will feel.

I get the feeling you are on good terms with MIL. If so, tell her how much money you will need per week to look after children & yourself and let MIL force it on him.

mil is visiting tonight ...my finans are sorted and informed tax credits,i have no study fees as was entilted to it from tax credits,college also pay my childcare,my results are due in 2 weeks ,we were going to open them together,wont feel the same now
i still cant eat ,still being sick etc,but have removed his number and cant phone him,have had a message from the OW on facebook she said nobody cares
i sent one bck saying i dont blame her and wish her all the best ,even though i wont to scratch her eyes out,it really has sent me back to square one,and she changed her profile picture to one of her on a motorbike,you can imagine how

Why would she even message you on Facebook?

"Nobody cares"?!? His children do, for starters.

Why are you friends with OW on Facebook? Break the connection and she can't message you anymore nor will you have to see her face every time she changes her profile picture.

What a silly little bitch this OW is!
He has probably been telling her all kinds of lies.

At least this has happened in the summer holiday. It could have affected your exam results if it had happened during term time. Not much consolation I know.

I am glad that you are not too worried about finances. You have enough on your plate. Also that your MIL is coming. Hopefully, she will be a good support to you through this.

What an evil bitch to send you a message through facebook!

I would make sure that your h knows about that so he can see what a bitch she is being.

I can't believe it, I truly can't. As if you aren't tolerating more pain than you can handle at the moment, she tells you nobody cares?

That is disgusting. What a prize he's got himself there.

And I'm fairly sure there is a rule that unless there relatiionship is established 6 months, you are entitled t ask him not to introduce the OW to your children.

Do please see a solicitor to find out if that is true. I am so angry on your behalf, and hope your anger gives you the strength to toughen up. It will frighten the cr*p out of him.

I think in their heads they have it all figured out that they will walk away into sunset with OW, the kids will still adore him, and his ex wife will remain his best friend.

What farking planet do they live on?

i am totally that she had the nerve to contact you, let alone saying something like that.

what a nasty, nasty little bitch.

will he really want to stay with someone like that? just think how she will feel knowing she has broken up a family when he finally leaves her because you know he will.

you are doing so well to maintain your dignity. your kids are lucky to have such a lovely man.

it does get better honestly.

oh god sorry typed in such an anger...

i meant your kids are lucky to have such a lovely mum. sorry.

I also typed in anger and spelling on a par with 3 year old

B, don't let them bully you!!! How dare she contact you on FB? Deffo block her and keep that message.

If I were you I'd do the following:

• see CAB
• inform your bank of your current situation and put a block on account to stop him taking it all
• see a solicitor for advice (check if you can bring insurance policies, bank statements, etc. with you)

Do not write back to her, keep a dignified silence. Keep that message.

Should you file for divorce you can name and shame her. Her name will then be on public record, incl. where she lives. This will cause her problems in the future in regards to getting a job. Many good, traditional companies check the public register and if she's named as the OW they'll see her as morally void and disloyal...and someone else will get the job. Also, she will have to bear part of the legal costs of the divorce.

And: in the future your dc will know exactly what went on, once they're old enough to check. You will be the winner, innocent and loving. Your ex will be the tosser that left them for a slunttweenager.

With the message in hand you can also lodge a police complaint (can be done online) to file against harassment. That way it's recorded she did something and if she does even more or goes anywhere near you, you can sue her...

The bonus of this: if you can prove you feel threatened and harassed by her or she keeps contacting you with nasty words, then chances are = nil that she'll ever be allowed near your lovely children.

I really hope you get all the support you need now. I really feel for you. What a deluded idiot your H seems to be now.

Wanted to add: ConstanceWearing is right: he has to prove that his relationship is stable and has been ongoing for longer than 6 months before he can introduce your children to OW. I know this to be the word of the law.

What a wealth of knowledge you are Alexa.

I hope you will be on my side should me and h split

Thanks stirlingmum, I always wanted to study law...maybe I'll get around to a Masters once bubs is here in Oct.

Also own a Beretta and am happy to be on your side should you need it

Thanks!

well,mil never turned up,children were heartbroken,all the why is daddy not here questions started ,dd was sick from crying,then he strolls up takes his stuff ,tells the kids it just like when he works away
he said there is no going back i should of thought about all this before i made him sleep on the couch for a few motns while we worked things out
im not her friend on facebook she can still message me,will block her though
had a phone call from dickhead going mad cos my friends had given her a few choice words due to her comment to me,he said she going mad at him ,he cares more about her feelings than mine or our childrens.............
i have been nice as pie told him its fine and lets get on with it for the sake of the children,he cant understand why im being so nice and its really annoying him,he is coming to see dc tommorow and i will leave them here ,god this is all such a mess and have since found out she is 19 not 20

I'm so sorry.

This makes me sick.
So, let me get this right: He was over-spending and galivanting because he was having a mini-mid-life-crisis about having chosen to settle down young and supposedly missing out on some years of binge-drinking and shagging around. He was irrationally blaming you for this and and running rough-shod over your feelings. You tried to talk to him and he wouldn't listen. You resorted to asking him to sleep on the sofa as a protest and to try to make him address the issue. He is now using this as his excuse for why he has run off with his tweenie. Is that right?

It's such a shame. He sounds such an immature £$%$%?!!!!. I would not be surprised if this is resolved in time (once he gets it out of his system and realises his mistake) and he wants to come back to you. But, even if you did take him back, it will never be quite the same and your children will never feel as secure as before this happened. I suppose we all make mistakes but this is a big one he is making.

Maybe you could suggest counselling/mediation - not to get back together but just in order to help you and he communicate better for the children's sake. Maybe, when he calms down a bit, he will still be a good Dad to his children.

B - I just wanted to say that I too have looked at your pictures and you are a really attractive and young (very young !) woman, with beautiful children.
I had the same thing happen to me, after many years of marriage, when my DD was three months old. All I can say is that the sort of woman who will start a relationship with a man who is not only married but has very small children is really not a very nice person (to put it mildly !) and your DH will never be truly happy. At the moment it may feel like your life is over (that's how I felt anyway) but you are so young, and you have a whole life ahead of you - things will be good again.

He is an absolute fool. You are attractive, intelligent and from the way you have acted after what he has done to you you must be a really strong woman. He will regret this. To leave you and his children for a silly, nasty little 19 yr old? He will realise extent of his mistake when the honeymoon period wears off. Keep your head held high and keep up the calm exterior in front of him, he will soon come crawling back, believe me, and then you can decide what you want to do. Meanwhile, keep yourself busy! Thoughts are with you. Men can be bastards.

Agreed with scheery, keep your composure and don't chase him but act with the dignity that you are already showing. Juvenile bloke (as he sounds) will wonder if he is missing something and come chasing back then you decide what you want. Your inner strength is your key weapon and the only certainty.