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Original poster

Am I being paranoid?

391 replies

nanog · 04/08/2008 12:28

Last Fri at abt 5pm DH was about to get into the shower. He started to have a shave and I told him I was going out to meet a friend for a quick drink. I'd be back in an hour. DS1 and DS2 were both at home with him.

On my way to meet my friend, I recieve a txt from her to say she can no longer meet, so I turn the car round and go home. I was back home in 5min. As I enter the house, I see the kids both playing. I opened the bathroom door to pop my head round and say hello to DH, but DH wasn't there.

I searched every room and he was nowhere to be seen. The back door to the garden was wide open and so was the garage door. I entered the garage and he was sat naked, half shaven with a phone i've never seen before.I asked him what on earth he was doing sitting stark naked in the garage, in a jokey way. He said nothing and I'm just so confused by then that I didn't know what else to say to him. I also noticed a phone charger plugged into a socket in the garage.

I started to piece together things that have happened, like how he spends a lot of time in the garage when he returns from work each day. I always assumed he was putting his tools away, but now i'm thinking otherwise.

I'm questioning why he would need another (secret) mobile phone. i can only think the worst right?

It was bugging me all weekend so last night I asked him about the phone. He told me its a very old phone he used to own and someone at work told him he could enter a code and then make free calls from it. I questioned further whether it actually worked and he said he tried, but got cut off. I said how gr8 it would be to have a phone wher we wouldn't have to pay for calls, but he said that he didn't think it was possible. more like he didn't want me to see the phone right?

Since I saw the phone in the garage on the fri, he has hid it. I can't find it anywhere. He doesn't leave it around like his other mobile phone. Why would he hide this from me?

I've never felt this way before. We've been married for 10 years. Should I be suspiscious? Is he upto something and how do I find out?

OP posts:
RambleOn · 05/08/2008 21:18

JodieG1 - because he'll just lie. He's already lied by saying he was doing nothing in the garage. He was clearly doing something naked in the garage.

Original poster
nanog · 05/08/2008 22:04

It pains me that HE IS lying to me. Having it out with him and accusing him with no evidence, will only mean us falling out in a BIG way. I don't want. i hate conflict, but i'm also going mad inside my head!

He went out an hour ago to buy a wardrobe from Ikea and he's left his car at home, because the wardrobe will only fit in my car. I've searched the entire car, lifted the carpet in the boot, checked under the seats and nothing. however, since he left he has phoned me twice for lengthy, repeated conversations about wardrobes. We saw the one we wanted yesterday so why the phone calls? i tell you why, because now HE's getting paranoid, because he senses i'm on his case!

I don't know whether i can deal with this. these past few days, my relationship with him has felt pretentious.

OP posts:
Original poster
nanog · 05/08/2008 22:06

btw - for those of you suspecting he's gone out to see someone else? He's taken my nephew with him, to give him a hand to lift the flatpack into the car..lol

OP posts:
theexmrsfederer · 05/08/2008 22:17

It sounds to me that you will BOTH feel better if you get whatever it is out into the open.

He may be unable to talk to you about something and so trying to "force" the issue by behaving strangely. It may be something he wants you to find out. Something that is not nearly as bad as your imagination is trying to convince you of (on very little evidence!) Many men are like this.

You can't carry on like this, either of you.

Sit him down and tell him to explain his recent behaviour and don't let him wriggle out of it.

quinne · 05/08/2008 22:17

If it is eating you up, and you are ready to take bad news then sit him down and ask for the truth.

If he's innocent of doing anything wrong, he'll hate the lack of trust, but then rushing naked to the garage as soon as you've gone out, using a new mobile which he won't let you look at and not offering an even vaguely plausible excuse would make anyone distrustful (and he must know that!).

If he's not innocent and there is something you won't like, then don't ask for it until you are ready to hear it.

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 05/08/2008 22:18

He must have it with him, or stashed somewhere in the garage/his tool kit. Could he have left it at work?

All you need is a little bit of proper evidence to confront him with and then you can catch him out in his lies.

cluelessnchaos · 05/08/2008 22:42

you are goign to send yourself insane, you have a right to ask him to be honest with you.

Kally · 06/08/2008 10:23

Nanog - I agree with quinne.
You as a couple are close. You should be able to talk to each other about it. It may all just be just a silly laughing matter and there may be no need for all this torture you are putting yourself through.
Sit him down and tell him you want to talk about something that has been bothering you. You'll see from his answers and his face whether he is fibbing or fumbling for answers.
Stark naked in the garage, is not such a concern to me, he may be the unihibited sort and it maybe a private back yard garage type set up (where it's of no consequence if you run about in the nude). The 'leaving the shower in the middle the minute you went out' is more perplexing... So ask him.. make a cuppa, make sure the kids are occupied, and sit and talk to him about it.
As quinne said, he must realise this is 'questioning' behaviour.

Baffy · 07/08/2008 10:00

how's things nanog?

Kally · 07/08/2008 12:10

Yes very curious to know how it turned out. Hope all is well and sorted!

Original poster
nanog · 07/08/2008 19:47

Right, i've decided i'm going to have it out with him tonight and I'm going to be very diplomatic about it too. i don't want to start accusing him of anything and I don't want us to fight. I just need to know what's going on.

The night before last, I asked him whether he'd spoken to his 'friend' about 'the code', which would enable him to make free calls. He said 'his friend' hadn't been at work, but will ask him the following day. I know this is all a pack of lies! He is for some reason, putting off any prospect of revealing the truth.

Tonight, i'm going to ask him about this 'friend' and I will ask him outright where the phone is and i'll demand to see it. I don't care if he's deleted everything, I just need him to show it to me. If he doesn't then it confirms my worst suspicions.

I'll prob never know the truth, because he can't be honest with me. We all tell white lies now and then, often to avoid a massive bust up, (like, 'no i haven't bought another pair of shoes today - when i have!) but I've never lied where i've thought it would put my marriage / relationship with him at risk.

Whilst, he's being extra nice and cuddly since the garage incident, i'm behaving in a stroppy manner, feeling annoyed with him and frankly I don't want him anywhere near me. that's how strongly I feel about this, because I KNOW he's lying. He's not convincing when he's prenteding to make something up as a joke. I've always seen thro that and this is exactly the same. And i think he knows, that I know, he's lying! (if that makes sense!)

OP posts:
cluelessnchaos · 07/08/2008 19:52

Good luck it wont be easy but at least you can have some peace of mind afterwards.

quinne · 07/08/2008 21:33

Just remember it could be that he is planning a good surprise for you.

I forced a confession out of my BF once when I'd caught him in a lie. I got really upset and demanded to know the truth. So he told me.. he'd been organising a surprise for me for our wedding day. He's never let me forget that I ruined his surprise either (nor the clear distrust on display)!

Alexa808 · 08/08/2008 03:20

Nanog, if you can keep the sim card or the phone, pls do so. There's a sim card reader on the website I recommended which can make old sms, contacts etc. 're-appear'.

It costs £59,- .

www.spyequipmentuk.co.uk/index.php?page=shop.product_details&flypage=shop.flypage&product_id=79&cate goryid=28&manufacturerid=0&option=com_virtuemart&Itemid=36

If he'd be planning a surprise? Why does he have to run out stark naked into the garage, seconds after the OP went out???

notasheep · 08/08/2008 07:22

nanog- how did you get on? Was the truth revealed?

Seabright · 08/08/2008 09:15

What happened?

Fatbob · 08/08/2008 10:00

Alexa808 do you work for spyequipmentuk.co.uk? or something ?

ConstanceWearing · 08/08/2008 10:03

Well, if she doesn't, they ought to give her a job, FB

Baffy · 08/08/2008 10:28

Hope it went ok nanog?

Kally · 08/08/2008 10:38

We are all here waiting for the outcome Nanog!

Original poster
nanog · 08/08/2008 11:31

Right, last night, I told him how I felt. How since i saw him in the garage last fri, i've become increasingly paranoid, unable to sleep properly at night, worrying about what or who he maybe calling with this other phone.

I recalled the events of last Fri evening, when I saw him in the garage and asked him what he was doing, he said he was doing nothing. I asked the question several times, amused at first, but when he kept saying nothing, i became more suspicous.

Then I went onto explain how wen i asked him about the phone a couple of days later he told me about this code for making free calls. I questioned why he didn't express this reason at the time wen i saw him in the garage. His blank face just stared back at me and then he said he doesn't know.

I also asked why I haven;t seen the phone since then. Why is the phone in hiding?

He said that i was imagining things!!! FFS! and that I'm worrying about nothing. Its a phone that he owned a long time ago and he thought he would check to see if it still worked. He was now getting a little stroppy.

I replied by saying, in the middle of ur shower, u decided to run into the garage and why was the phone in the garage and not inside the house. He said because the charger was in the gargae and its always been in the garage. i said what was the point in doing that when all your other chargers for his usual phone, sat nav, nintendo DS were in the house. He said he didn't know and I was reading too much into it.

I then said what else did he expect me to do? If he could see it from my perspective and found me in the gargae naked with a phone he'd never seen before, then he would be suspiscious too. He went into a strop and said he wsa going to sleep.

I'm not getting anywhere, and its obvious he doesn't care abt how i feel. He just wants me to brush everything under the carpet.

Just give me time and I will find out. I need to get hold of that phone and then the SIM. I will buy the SIM card reader and then I'll have some evidence to show him.

OP posts:
beanieb · 08/08/2008 11:34

There is always teh chance that however wierd it may look, he is telling teh truth. A slim chance admittedly but I think if you keep on at him then he will just get more annoyed. He could be genuinely annoyed because he has done nothing wrong OR he could be trying to deflect it from himself and make you feel bad for asking because he has something to hide.

Do you have or have you had any other suspicions about his behaviour?

Might be worth just cooling off about it and waiting to see what else happens. Otherwise you'll just be in a frenzy the whole time.

fizzymum · 08/08/2008 11:38

It does sound very suspicious. It must have been something important to him or something he wanted to do in a hurry to jump out of the shower half way through shaving and not even bother to put any clothes on to go to the garage.

Did you ask him if you could see the phone?

Original poster
nanog · 08/08/2008 11:55

I did ask to see the phone, but he said it was downstairs and we were in bed at that time. he left for work, before i got up.

You see I now understand why he always spends a lot of time in the garage when he returns from work. the phone charger for that phone is plugged into a socket in the garage. So i'm assuming he always comes home and checks the phone for any messages or calls, right? but who could they be from.

i don't think he is meeting anyone, because if we're not together then he's playing footy once a week with his mates or he is down his parents house.

I just need to see the phone or SIM card, for my own piece of mind.

OP posts:
themoon66 · 08/08/2008 11:57

Tell him if it's nothing, then he needs to show you that phone.