Am I being paranoid?

[nanog]

Last Fri at abt 5pm DH was about to get into the shower. He started to have a shave and I told him I was going out to meet a friend for a quick drink. I'd be back in an hour. DS1 and DS2 were both at home with him.

On my way to meet my friend, I recieve a txt from her to say she can no longer meet, so I turn the car round and go home. I was back home in 5min. As I enter the house, I see the kids both playing. I opened the bathroom door to pop my head round and say hello to DH, but DH wasn't there.

I searched every room and he was nowhere to be seen. The back door to the garden was wide open and so was the garage door. I entered the garage and he was sat naked, half shaven with a phone i've never seen before.I asked him what on earth he was doing sitting stark naked in the garage, in a jokey way. He said nothing and I'm just so confused by then that I didn't know what else to say to him. I also noticed a phone charger plugged into a socket in the garage.

I started to piece together things that have happened, like how he spends a lot of time in the garage when he returns from work each day. I always assumed he was putting his tools away, but now i'm thinking otherwise.

I'm questioning why he would need another (secret) mobile phone. i can only think the worst right?

It was bugging me all weekend so last night I asked him about the phone. He told me its a very old phone he used to own and someone at work told him he could enter a code and then make free calls from it. I questioned further whether it actually worked and he said he tried, but got cut off. I said how gr8 it would be to have a phone wher we wouldn't have to pay for calls, but he said that he didn't think it was possible. more like he didn't want me to see the phone right?

Since I saw the phone in the garage on the fri, he has hid it. I can't find it anywhere. He doesn't leave it around like his other mobile phone. Why would he hide this from me?

I've never felt this way before. We've been married for 10 years. Should I be suspiscious? Is he upto something and how do I find out?

Long time lurker. I hope everything is OK with the OP. Having read through the posts, I hope that the OP's DH can't track her access to MN via cookies etc.

hmmm....

when a man accuses you of being stupid after he's been caught doing something questionable you know the worst is about to explode. and your closer to the truth.

when the truth comes out though, he's gonna say you drove him to it.

flub, the wasnt at you

Any news, nanog?

Firstly, I'd like to apologise for not having responded sooner. A lot has happened since my last post. Basically, to cut a very long story, I took the kids and went to stay with my mother for a few weeks. I'm now back at home and the boys went back to school on Mon. My mother has no internet access, so I wasn't able to update you with anything. TBH, i was in such a state, that I didn't want to communicate with anybody. People always tell me, when I walk into a room, I always seem to light it up. My smile, my persona and positive outlook on life has suddenly been taken away from me, by my DH's constant lies. From thinking, I had it all and life really couldn't get any better, my world came crashing down. You may think my behaviour may seem a little extreme, but you have to remember - I completely trusted my DH 100%. and now - I feel very insecure and very paranoid.

I've come back a) for kids to go back to school and b) to complete the puzzle. I've made out to DH that all is forgiven, BUT as far as I'm concerned it's not! Because I KNOW he is upto something.

He thinks he doesn't leave a trace, but I've managed to get into his online mobile account. He doesn't know that I've been accessing this. I have downloaded the last 6 months mobile phone bills.

I have spent nearly 2 days scanning through every itemised bill. The phone records show a pattern of calls, texts and pic messages to many different other mobile networks. These are made at times when I'm working away from home or out with friends for the evening.

I know you will all speculate, but I just want to deal with the facts. It's going to take time, so please bear with me.

THANKYOU to all of you who have stayed with this thread and with me. Alexa, I will CAT you. I'm finding it difficult to open up to my friends about this. I'm just not ready to talk to them about it yet and a chat with you will really help.

I'm so sorry nanog, you are still struggling with this. I was following your thread when it was active.

Look after yourself and your dc, and come back and update us if you feel that you can.

Nanog. I was following your thread. I hope you get ot the bottom of what your DH is up to. Good luck. It must be awful for you.

Thanks AF and PDDO. Once, I have pieced this all together, I will share this with you and would very much appreciate your thoughts and advice on how to proceed further. The obvious being to kick him out of the house. But I know what to expect when this does eventually come to a head - he'll want me to give him another chance. With how I'm feeling at the moment, all the suspiscions, the lying and sneaking around, I won't be able to stand him being around me. Will post again soon..x

Hi Nanog, just saw this. Have been lurking for a response from you. My heart really clenched. I'm 7h ahead of you time wise but do cat me or email. adeeva at arcor dot de
or auric1 at gmx dot net

Hugs.

Oh Alexa, ur so fab! I will email you straightaway.

Here goes my suspiscions - Do you think a service exists, where a brothel type call centre handles calls from man clients and then puts the man clients in touch with women who talk dirty with the man clients on the phone? (sorry for my terrible description, but I don't know what these things would officially be called)

As I said in my previous posts I have found various other mobile network phone numbers on the itemised billing. These numbers are dialled at times past 10pm until the early hours of the morning, on days when I'm out with my friends or working away from home.

But there is a landline telephone number which he's called before calling the other mobile numbers. I called the landline number today and a lady responded, 'good afternoon, how can i help you?' I asked if Dr X had any appts available. She said I had the wrong number. I asked her what organisation she was calling from and she said I had the wrong number and put the phone down.

I want to call back, but not sure how to approach her. Any ideas?

Oh Alexa, ur so fab! I will email you straightaway.

Here goes my suspiscions - Do you think a service exists, where a brothel type call centre handles calls from man clients and then puts the man clients in touch with women who talk dirty with the man clients on the phone? (sorry for my terrible description, but I don't know what these things would officially be called)

As I said in my previous posts I have found various other mobile network phone numbers on the itemised billing. These numbers are dialled at times past 10pm until the early hours of the morning, on days when I'm out with my friends or working away from home.

But there is a landline telephone number which he's called before calling the other mobile numbers. I called the landline number today and a lady responded, 'good afternoon, how can i help you?' I asked if Dr X had any appts available. She said I had the wrong number. I asked her what organisation she was calling from and she said I had the wrong number and put the phone down.

I want to call back, but not sure how to approach her. Any ideas?

Hello, sorry to jump in, only read the first few pages and this last one but just wanted to suggest putting the landline no in google. I have had to do that before

OMG Pamelat, I've just enetered this number in google and my suspiscions have now been confirmed: Massage listings, personal services!!

I'm going to have to leave shortly to get my train. A 2hr journey home and time to comtemplate on this revelation.

Sorry nanog.
It might be worth finding out what they offer. Get a man to call?
Good to get all the facts before confronting someone, or assuming the worst (although it looks bad on face of it). Sorry

Someone I used to know actually started up a sex phoneline a few years ago.

From what I can remember the guy's used to phone the advertised number, which was old friends business line, they took their details, credit card, phone number etc and then they rang the girls with the guy's number, they then rang the guy's back.

To be honest it's a bit hazy as I was very [shocked] my old friend was doing this, and distanced myself from her.

nanog I too was a lurker when you last posted. So so sorry you and your DC are going through this. I don't have any great advise but just want to let you know I am thinking of you and hope you get this sorted soon. {{{{hugs}}}}}

yep its not nice, but there is (IMO) a big difference between something happening over the phone and something face to face.

My DH was calling (when drunk) sex lines (occassionally), and we were able to work through that. I went crazy first. I don't even remember how I found out but I called them back and went ballastic (not their fault really either, poor women)

I arrived at the train station. Got it to my car and burst into tears. I feel lost. I don?t know which way to turn. I can?t forsee what may happen with my life. Do I now confront him again knowing he has called the personal services number several times?

I feel utterly disgusted by his behaviour. At least once a month, he will raise the issue about the lack of a sex life. He says I don?t give him enough sex. It?s usually the cause of our domestics. We have sex at least once, sometimes twice a week. Yet, he wants more, but my body doesn?t desire any more, because I?m physically exhausted.

I think he;s into more sordid things, which I can?t begin to think about, without heaving.

We?ve been together just over 10 years and I just don?t know what I?m going to do about this. If his family were to find out, they would be mortified.

At this moment in time, I want to humiliate him. I want to hurt him as much as he?s been hurting me since the garage incident. I now know who the videos were for. There was obviously more, but he deleted the texts and pictures.

I want to phone these women and I want them to tell me explicitly, what they talk about. I need to know whether he has ever invited one of them back to the house, whilst I?ve been away. I?m only away from work once a month and go out with friends at the end of each month too. However, the phone records indicate he has been making these calls during the daytime too. The landline number must be in operation 24hrrs.

What do you think I should do?

Here are my thoughts ? please feel free to add / contradict ? anything. I don?t think I should confront him just yet. I want to attach some kind of device to his phone that enables me to record his conversations. Is this possible?

Or plant a secret video recorder in the house, so when I?m away it can capture any conversation / meeting.

I feel like a vindictive cow ? why do I feel this way? i just need to remain strong and focussed. I can?t allow myself to think it?s okay and we?ll work this out. I can?t bear the thought of him with OW ? god knows how many. Or if he is full of disease ? oh shit. I hadn?t even considered that kind of impact.

There is no coming back from this, is there?

You feel vindictive because you have been betrayed.
the mature thing to do would be to just walk away - dont even give him the satifaction of knowing just how much this has hurt - especially by thinking of videoing him ect. Although i am sure i would think of such things too so you are not mad.

Even if you did tell his friends and family he would somehow make it out to be your problem - well if you had given him more sex in the first place blah blah.... there was nothing in it ...... So it would be futile imo.

You do know you cannot live like this - and so what if it is just phone sex - if you find it unacceptable then that is enough for him to respect that surely.

Do get yourself checked out for disease though - it is awful but will make you feel better in the long run and stop you worrying about it.

Sorry you are going through this but good luck with moving forward now.

Oh this is awful. Sorry, I have no words of advice but can only imagine the gut wrenching feelings you must be going through.

so sorry nanog

I know you feel utterly destroyed by this at the moment

however, without checking back thru this very loooong thread, how much have you actually talked to him about this?

speak to him of what you know

you may be able to find a way through it if he opens up to you

at the moment you don't seem to be giving him a chance to do this. I know he gave you some stoopid story when you caught him in the garage, but that was probably a knee-jerk, caught-in-the-act male reaction. He may be desperate to get out of this sordid habit. BTW, I am in no way excusing him.

if none of this has turned physical, could you forgive him? Perhaps you need to decide what your "cut-off point" is?

this has all got to come out sometime, you are going to make yourself ill if you carry on trying to live this lie

I am so, so sorry

I have googled another landline telephone number and it's the number to 'angels and sinners' - a sex shop, selling thongs, sex toys, gels etc. Whatever he has purchased I've not seen it.

It's also just occured to me to check the history on the desktop. On Fri night (when i was out with my friends) he went onto many websites - 'girls in coventry looking for sex', girls in birmingham looking for sex' and it goes on and on. i can also trace calls that were made between 10.30pm and 1.30am that night too. who too, i don't know.

Nanog, have been watching this from the start, and I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Have no words of wisdom, btu am thinking of you.

fucking hell nanog, its getting worse

you have got to talk to him

I think you've got enough evidence to make him @fess up, to be honest. Is there any way you get your brother or a trusted relative to be with you while you confront him with it? It won't be so easy for him to wriggle out of it and blame you then.

I would ask him to leave for a while while I got my head sorted out too, seeing as how you need to be at home for the dc's school.

What a prize idiot - and you poor love I do hope you can sort through this x