Am I being paranoid?

[nanog]

Last Fri at abt 5pm DH was about to get into the shower. He started to have a shave and I told him I was going out to meet a friend for a quick drink. I'd be back in an hour. DS1 and DS2 were both at home with him.

On my way to meet my friend, I recieve a txt from her to say she can no longer meet, so I turn the car round and go home. I was back home in 5min. As I enter the house, I see the kids both playing. I opened the bathroom door to pop my head round and say hello to DH, but DH wasn't there.

I searched every room and he was nowhere to be seen. The back door to the garden was wide open and so was the garage door. I entered the garage and he was sat naked, half shaven with a phone i've never seen before.I asked him what on earth he was doing sitting stark naked in the garage, in a jokey way. He said nothing and I'm just so confused by then that I didn't know what else to say to him. I also noticed a phone charger plugged into a socket in the garage.

I started to piece together things that have happened, like how he spends a lot of time in the garage when he returns from work each day. I always assumed he was putting his tools away, but now i'm thinking otherwise.

I'm questioning why he would need another (secret) mobile phone. i can only think the worst right?

It was bugging me all weekend so last night I asked him about the phone. He told me its a very old phone he used to own and someone at work told him he could enter a code and then make free calls from it. I questioned further whether it actually worked and he said he tried, but got cut off. I said how gr8 it would be to have a phone wher we wouldn't have to pay for calls, but he said that he didn't think it was possible. more like he didn't want me to see the phone right?

Since I saw the phone in the garage on the fri, he has hid it. I can't find it anywhere. He doesn't leave it around like his other mobile phone. Why would he hide this from me?

I've never felt this way before. We've been married for 10 years. Should I be suspiscious? Is he upto something and how do I find out?

Quinne you are so right. This is her awful reality, and some are being so cut throat. I am sure she has laid awake and gone through all this in her head millions of times.
Those of us that have suffered this sort of 'first-timers' awakening know that torture. Before this,for her, it seems everything was ok as far as OP was concerned so please don't be insensitive. This is not 'Yahoo answers' or something, and that is what is classy about this site.

I feel bad for Nanog and I just hope its just some footbally joke thing going on between the guys that got a bit outta hand.. But give her time to do what she's doing. Hang in there with her and don't go off squabbling as if she's not there.

I've been watching this post and think you are being very restrained about all of this. My OH would be wearing his balls as earrings by now - more because of the stonewalling than anything else.

As you suspect that something untoward is happening, have you tried googling any nicknames or passwords he uses a lot? If he has been a nuaghty boy you may strike lucky and find something e.g. registration on a dating website. Hopefully not, but clearly it's doing your head in not knowing.

If you share a computer I'd also be tempted to check the internet history - I'm not that great at computing but I think that if you've downlaoded pictures, even if the browsing histories are deleted, the downloaded files remain somewhere on your computer as .jpg files or .tiff files (computer bods - correct me if I'm being a thickie!)

Fantastic idea thederkinsdam, Google him, his nicknames, even his email address or any phone numbers that you manage to find out. Im trying to think of what I would do in your situation (im v secretive and cunning lol), but I think its all been covered.
But I would DEFINATELY play cool, and plant a phone/baby monitor in the garage. I know it must be hard, but he clearly isnt going to give anything away!
Id leave it about a week. Id also even think about giving him the phone back and putting the sims back!
You wont catch him at anything while he doesnt have the phone, so your evidence will always be limited.

thanks. I always check the histor and there is nothing untoward that he's viewing. Usually a football fan site. Can't think of any nicknames, but I will play it cool for a week. At least the phone is now in view in the house, yet I know wen it goes missing again, I'll just have to plug in that baby monitor.

It all blew up again last night. I'm no closer to learning the truth and we're not on speaking terms. I'm gonna string this one out as long as I can. He's got to realise how serious I am abt this entire situation. Claiming not to remember when he wanked, when he took the video and what he did with it - his 'i don't know' reasons are really pissing me off.

You have a lot more strength than me nanog. There's no way I could play it cool for another week in the circumstances. I've put up with a lot of crap from my h, but the minute I knew something wasn't right I wouldn't eat or sleep until I had answers.

I hope your strength and patience pays off. He is one cruel, cold hearted man to put you through this distress, knowing full well that he's lying. The truth will come out in the end. It always does.

nanog - perhaps he jammed the sims on purpose by entering wrong pin three times to stop you getting onto them?? Those are the sims I would be most interested in.

It's not a good situation at all, I can't understand why he didn't come clean when presented with the vids, but now the opportunity has well and truly passed. He is digging himself into a huge hole and he knows it.

Try and get some spying equipment on e-bay, much less obvious than a baby monitor!

Well hello nanog, I just caught up with 5 (!) pages of this thread...wow. I'm in another time zone than you and wanted to post before heading out. (Will be back ltr)

So, in rgds to the SIM card reader, we've used it on blackberries, mobiles, etc. In our office, most people lock their devices, it's actually compulsory. But they don't lock their SIM cards. (I hope this makes sense.)

If the SIM card itself is locked, then the SIM reader won't be able to access it, I'm sorry to say. If he's just locked the device, then you should be able to recover what's on the SIM.

Dalrymps is sooo good. Whoa girl, I'll remember you! Combining your knowledge with my criminal potential to snoop will make us invincible...[loud, evil, mad laugh echoing through study]

I think it's really, really important not to presume too much as fatbob says. We don't know why he's taken these vids, there's no proof of another woman. Keep your cool nanog, boys will be boys and a wanking vid is nothing special. I'm more concerned about the dashing out, leaving your dc unattended, sitting naked in garage and the continuous lying...

What does Orange require from your DH, nanog? A letter of consent? Could you write one and fake his signature? Could a male friend (your brother), a colleague call them and do you know your DH's password?

I can understand why you are being careful about handing out the phone to strangers, but TBH, I cannot see another way of you getting the truth out of DH other than enlisting professional help. What about ringing the service and explaining your problem. Ask for a quotation and duration. Say you're embarassed, techies are like gynae...they've seen so many fanjos, they're numb. I honestly don't know how many phone conversations I've listened into, it goes in and out of my ears, I honestly didn't care, never judged.

Will be back later hun.

Oh, in rgds to PUK, this code will be sent to him as part of the original documents of the Orange contract. When I got a vodafone mobile I received the phone and a few days before that I received only a letter with 2 codes.

A preliminary SIM.

And a PUK. (Have used it countless times bc I'm so secretive with my codes I forget them myself...)

Anyway, what I wanted to say is: find these letters nanog. They will be somewhere in your house/garage I assume. Good luck!

I don't think I could wait and go to all that trouble and through all that stress. My plan would be to confront him, pnone and sims and sim reader in hand and say you have got someone to view the content already.
You should be able to tell by the look on his face whether he has anything to hide.

I too am married to a 'stonewaller' and it is the most infuriating thing ever

How is it going, nanog?

Hello Star 6 - well, i was getting completely fed up with the non-existant conversation on his part to discuss this, so i text him. this is how it went:

me - i'm really upset. what do u expect me to think? can't b a coincendence with u in the garage with the same fone that had the videos on..why not use ur usual phone? why can't u just be honest with me?why hide the phone and then only get it out when i kept asking u for it?

DH - u just didn't look hard enough for the phone. i told u were it was and it was on the next shelf up..i don't remember filming and i definitely didn't film it for anyone else. i wasn't filming myself in the gargae that day. i was trying to enter that code in the phone. wat ur thinking is stupid.

me - i can't explain it then..cz why else wud u film it.filming urself, is it for ur own pleasure? if it was a one off thing, then u wud definitely remember it cz it could be like one of those silly things ppl wanna try out for wateva reasons, but surely you'll remember filming it. as for the phone i looked for it wher u told me to look for it AND i did look on the upper shelf and it wasn't there. why wasn't it in the box with the other old phones, the ones you haven't touched for years? why would u want to keep this phone active? and don't call me stupid

i'm gonna have to finish the rest of this later, cz i've got to get to an appt.

Alexa, thanks for getting in touch. I'm on a mission to find an o2 sim, cz i think that's wat he's been using, not the ones i've found.

really good for you, nanog! Keep that up, you're doing so well not letting him off for it. I can't imagine how frustrating it is for you that he won't just come clean with everything.
I would want to scream!!

Hey nanog, oh I see. O2, hmmm. If you need anything or want to chat just CAT me. It must be so frustrating for you. The truth will come out, he sounds like a spoilt toddler that has spilled pasta sauce but denies ever going near it. I bet he hopes you just get frustrated, fed up and leave him be. Maybe you're right about tuning it down a bit on the outside while staying vigilant and looking for SIM card.

Does he have a deep sleep? Any chance you could roam around at night, checking his pockets, wallet, etc. I've kept Sim cards in wallets, car ash trays (unused of course) and jewellery boxes. I hope you'll find what you're looking for!

Sellotaped to the underneath of a drawer. That's where dh used to hide things. But of course the easiest place is in the bin (

That wasn't meant to be a grin, sorry.

Muckypups, me too. Once you know they're capable of it, it's never the same again, imo.

any news?

What happened with this?

Oh he will keep it close to him I bet. Car. Can you look in there when he is not around?

bump!!!

bump?

BUUUUUUUMPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

???????

why LL