Should I be cross if DH went to lap dancing club?

[ActingNormal]

...and spent £60 on private dances (we aren't poor and he doesn't spend money on much that is frivolous).

Other people seem to think I should be cross but I can't see it. Am I being a mug? Is it a sign of disrespect?

He got a bit of female attention outside the marriage. He was consenting. They were consenting. I knew he was going there. There doesn't seem like there is a risk of him forming a relationship with the women but if a woman behaved that way with him in a regular nightclub that seems more of a threat to me.

He came home horny as hell and seemed like he had a good break from the stress of his job.

Many moons ago when I was in a little village in the hills of the west of Ireland I heard a saying which you may or may not agree with:

"It doesn't matter where a man gets his appetite as long as he eats at home"

don't know if this applies to the OP, but if what happened doesn't bother her, it shouldn't bother us?

SGB I get what you're saying - but only because I come from a country where feminism was a dirty word (like atheism) and women were obliged by law to give up their jobs when they married: but that was a generation ago. Marital rape is also illegal here in Ireland. Things change.

i don't know why i always open these threads

so far i've been called a prostitute, exploited, a victim, and several others i've forgotton.

none of which i was. i was young and had a great body and made fucking unbelievable money for doing very little.

i felt safer at work than i did in nightclubs because if any man touched me at work he's be thrown out the door whereas in a nightclub you spend all night trying to avoid being groped by sleazy creeps.

i don't regret it for a second and if i had the body these days i'd do it again..... and dp wouldn't mind one bit. i was working as a lap dancer when we met.

as for him going to a club, wouldn't bother me any more than him watching porn, which we do together. i trust him and he trusts me, that doesn't mean we can't ever admire an member of the opposite sex or be turned on by them, it means we don't act on those sensations except on each other.

clubs don't allow touching dittany, it's not worth it to them to break the rules as they'd lose their licence and be closed down.

any girl found breaking the rules in the 4 clubs i worked in was instantly fired.

'I suppose I should care more about the sexploitation angle but in reality, it's the seediness that bugs me' Quattrocento

'dont quite see whats so 'strong' about being ok with your oh going to a brothel lap-dancing club,but i suppose thats the attitude these days' divastrop

sorry, your right about victim... seashells and solidgold used the word in saying that most dancers don't feel like victims... it popped out at me while skimming. substitute 'objectified' 'tarts' and 'seedy' as words that were used.

i agree with you pt, well obviously i do i used work in a lap dancing club. but so long as the bad side is shown on tv so often then those on the outside will continue to believe that that is all there is too the industry and that all the dancers are pushed into the job for whatever reasons and feel worthless and ashamed and whatever else.

i also loved my job and the money i was making. some one tried to touch me once. he was warned by the bouncers and stopped immediatley. i worked in the same club for over three years and some one tried to touch me once.

a lot of clubs break the rules. or the three i worked in did but they did not allow touching or any kind of prostitution. it was not worth thier liscence. they may allow to dance closer than is allowed and maybe dance outside of the designated area (not all clubs have designated areas, the last one i was in did) but thats it. equally it is not worth the girls job to break the rules.

and i cant remember who said earlier that they know some one who pulled in a lapdancing club? are you sure he was telling the truth? i went home alone every single shift, or with some of the girls who worked there and no one ever pulled. or went home to have sex for money we didnt need to we made enough money without doing that. i have never met a dancer who has pulled in a club and shagged the guy that night.

Well, if you are not bothered, then you aren't.

But don't say "He got a bit of female attention outside the marriage. He was consenting. They were consenting" as if that is the rules that makes it OK. Because that would apply if he were fucking someone else. Would you be happy then?

At the end of the day, it is nobody elses business whether the OP minds her DH going to a lapdancing club or even if it spices things up for them in the bedroom

To the OP, if you ARE so happy with it, why are you posting questions on the interweb?

I think pinktulip and seashells speak alot of sense.

in our clubs we were sent home in taxis paid for by the club. we were escorted to the cabs by bouncers and most of the girls shared houses. those of us that didn't were often contacted to make sure we got home ok.

if a girl was seen swapping numbers with a customer she lost her job. if she was seen getting too chatty with a customer she was warned.

there was no opportunity to 'pull' a customer as it would be spotted instantly

how one girl behaved dictated all our safety so it was taken very seriously and very few broke the rules... and they regretted it when they did as it was the other dancers who were most likely to cause them trouble..... nobody wants to work alongside someone who's offering more than she should.

Dittany, not everyone finds the idea of touching or being touched (in those clubs where actual touching is allowed) as work as opposed to out of desire, or faking desire or showing one's breasts or vagina as horrifying as you seem to do Something that is often said to sex workers and sex industry workers is 'Well I would rather clean toilets than work in the sex industry.' And the opinion of those sex workers who are working in the industry out of choice (ie because they want the higher rate of pay than they would get elsewhere and don't find the work revolting or too traumatising to contemplate) is that they would rather do sex work than clean toilets, but that the other person is at liberty to clean toilets in preference to doing sex work.

Acting Normal is obviously broadminded and secure with her relationship and doesn't have insecurities about herself. Good for her. Some women can't handle it, they feel threatened by it and go OTT with the reaction. Don't listen to them luv, you are doing just fine.

No, I wouldn't be bothered.

why is it that anybody who detests the idea of their oh's going to lapdancing clubs is labelled as insecure and prudish on these threads?

if a woman doesnt want to be in a relationship with a man who thinks its ok to visit these types of establishments then that is her choice,and doesnt make her insecure.

selling your body for the sexual pleasure/gratification of others is prostitution as far as im concerned.therefore strippers,lapdancers,porn stars,glamour models etc are all prostitutes.

i dont think theres anything wrong with prostitution as long as its the womans choice to do it,but i dont see why one form of prostitution is any different to another.

Divastrop: it is indeed up to every individual to discuss what boundaries are acceptable in his/her own relationship. But if people who don't want their partners to visit lapdancing clubs are not insecure and prudish then why the vilification of sex workers and their clients (ie people who are not involved in the lapdancing-haters' relationships in any way).

Everyone is different.

Nobody owns anyone or has any claim over anyone else. Marriage is an agreement to share your lives, not own each other.

So if one couple is cool with one or both of them going to one of these clubs, then that's for them. And if another couple has issues, then that too is for them.

OP - why are you so worried that you are not worried about what other people would be worried about??

haven't read all the posts (and how I hate it when people write that but am supposed to be packing....)
I wouldn't be cross if my DH went to a lap-dancing club. I'd only be cross if he'd spent more than we could afford or if he'd done more than look. He's told you about it, he came home horny, you're treating him like an adult - recipe for a long and happy marriage imo.

by those standards divastrop most highly paid supermodels are prostitutes as are many hollywood actors. as lets face it, they're using their bodies to provide gratification, often sexual, to the men and women who see their semi naked bodies on billboards or watch them in steamy sex scenes in movies.

tbh..... cleaning toliets or working in a fast food restaurant for next to no money would demean and demoralise me many times more than being paid huge money to dance around half naked ever could.

dittany i would have been highly concerned if a man ever orgasmed while i was dancing for him. nor did i repress my own sexual desires in order to dance. i actually had a very healthy sex life with my long term boyfriend.

a mans orgasm isnt generally what lapdancing is about. its usually a group of guys having a laugh there is very little that is sexual about it. its guys egging each other on and taking the mick out of each other. have you even been in lapdancing club? or is that you have watched too many bad documentarys on the bbc?

I wouldn't like my dp to go but that's me not you. These things are very personal and it's only about how you feel.

most of my clients werent "letchy creepy guys" they were business men out on a staff night, stag groups taking the piss out of each other and very occasionally single business men who were lonely and went to the club more for company than dances. a lot were regular customers who came in the club most weekends. in my club the girls had most of the say over what went on and if any of the guys did behave in a "letchy" way we got the bouncers to ask them to leave.

i wasnt disgusted by myself or any of my customers. they were nice decent guys. and just because the women you know didnt enjoy it does not mean that is how the industry is as a whole and that is how most women feel. i worked as a dancer from being 19 to 21 and then after dd1 i went back for another 18 months before having dd2 in all that time i met one girl who wasnt entirely comfortable with what she was doing.