Should I be cross if DH went to lap dancing club?

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...and spent £60 on private dances (we aren't poor and he doesn't spend money on much that is frivolous).

Other people seem to think I should be cross but I can't see it. Am I being a mug? Is it a sign of disrespect?

He got a bit of female attention outside the marriage. He was consenting. They were consenting. I knew he was going there. There doesn't seem like there is a risk of him forming a relationship with the women but if a woman behaved that way with him in a regular nightclub that seems more of a threat to me.

He came home horny as hell and seemed like he had a good break from the stress of his job.

I do believe men are very different to women, especially after reading Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, and Why Men Don't Listen and Women can't read maps. So many of the different behaviours described in the book made me think "Yes, that happens in our house, he does do that (typical male behaviour) and I do, do that (typical female behaviour).

We are influenced by our hormones too. Whatever behaviour we learn it can still be disrupted by our hormonal changes - and that's both men and women.

That's not to ssay all women are effected the same, or all men are but.

I think the biological is overstated and the cultural understated - both in contexts like those covered by this thread, and many others.

OLKN: yes, fantasy and reality are different things and it it not impossible (or even that unusual) for a woman to find the fantasy of street prostitution exciting.

Mind you I think we might just about be hitting a point where DIttany and I are going to agree: books like John Gray's Mars/Venus ones are witless sexist and possibly even harmful bullshit. He might as well just have called them all 'Look, men want sex and won't do housework, all you bitches better get used to it'.

There is nothing inherently unhealthy in having one-night stands, though to have them happily requires a degree of self-knowledge and self awareness ie if you know you will be hurt if your sex partner never calls then steer clear: equally if you love group sex and one night stands, steer clear of the partner who is a passionately romantic needy monogamist. THis applies to all genders.

THough FWIW when it comes to personal experience, some of the most misogynistic and indeed borderline dangerous men I have ever met were those who despised sex workers and the men who used them. Whether it's the more-feminist-than-any-woman type who'se so conflicted about his own 'feelings' he starts throwing the furniture around, or the religious nut who thinks recreational or commercial sex is bad because women belong in the kitchen doing what they are told, it's not all or only the buyers of sex who display bad attitudes.

PMSL at 'Look, men want sex and won't do housework, all you bitches better get used to it'.

Sgb - re John Gray I actually wonder what percentage of readers are female - my guess would be pretty high. Have you read Susan Maushart's Wife work - not one to read if you have just had a row IMO!

Sorry completely off tangent now but still interesting.

"He might as well just have called them all 'Look, men want sex and won't do housework, all you bitches better get used to it."

YES.

remeber that other book - damn what was it called... 'the rules' about how to get a man to marry you ... I hate books like that. All that going into his cave bullshit.

This isn't what I meant when I was talking about hormones.

LA YES, fantastic book, sadly someone pinched my copy of it a few years back. Thank you for the author's name which I had forgotten, because I always want to recommend it to posters on threads that start 'My DH won't wipe his own arse etc'.
The Rules made me spit and swear too: what I never understood was why any woman would want to be proposed to by a prat who thought that laydeez shouldn't eat pudding or initiate sex or sit with their legs apart...
But you know, one of life's essential truths that most people never even think about is this. GENDER IS NOT BINARY. It's not even good enough to say that women have babies and men have cocks: while intersexuality and hermaphroditism are rare, they do exist. And while there may be general tendencies towards difference (men are bigger, women have better fine motor skills or whatever) there is enough of a large minority of big, mathematically obsessed (or whatever) women and petite, extremely nuturing (or whatever) men to make a nonsense of the idea that so many differences are hardwired.

I like this thread. Will look out for the book you recommend.