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Original poster

Should I be cross if DH went to lap dancing club?

860 replies

ActingNormal · 03/08/2008 21:49

...and spent £60 on private dances (we aren't poor and he doesn't spend money on much that is frivolous).

Other people seem to think I should be cross but I can't see it. Am I being a mug? Is it a sign of disrespect?

He got a bit of female attention outside the marriage. He was consenting. They were consenting. I knew he was going there. There doesn't seem like there is a risk of him forming a relationship with the women but if a woman behaved that way with him in a regular nightclub that seems more of a threat to me.

He came home horny as hell and seemed like he had a good break from the stress of his job.

OP posts:
Rhubarb · 03/08/2008 23:10
Original poster
ActingNormal · 03/08/2008 23:21

I can't imagine I would pay a man to do that sort of dance for me. I don't think I would find it very erotic, just hilarious! It does seem like men and women have a very different approach to sex.

Women look really attractive (IMO) doing that sort of thing but a man would look a bit ridiculous.

Have any of you been to one of those Chippendale type things?

OP posts:
solidgoldbrass · 03/08/2008 23:21

Dittany, sometimes sex for money, money for sex, is a fair exchange as long as it is agreed by both parties. Fairer, perhaps, than sex for a wedding ring when the deal is that by accepting the wedding ring you have given up the right to refuse sex, ever.

solidgoldbrass · 03/08/2008 23:22

AN yes I have been to quite a few male-stripper shows, some of which were sexier than others.

DrNortherner · 03/08/2008 23:22

Some of the women I saw doing it did NOT look attractive...........

There is quite an art to swinging round a pole how they do it though I must say. I was intrigued.

Rhubarb · 03/08/2008 23:25

Do they get "pole burns"?

DrNortherner · 03/08/2008 23:27

I wondered that. They must. Unless they use vaseline or summat. But that would make them slippy on the pole wouldn't it?

Original poster
ActingNormal · 03/08/2008 23:29

From what DH said and from what I've seen on TV and read there is more skill to a lapdancer's job than a lot of people might realise + fitness and physical strength. I would respect anyone who can do it! I just can't see it as degrading unless they are being forced to do it. DH didn't talk about them as though he thought they were beneath him (not being dirty)

OP posts:
nappyaddict · 03/08/2008 23:29

For me it would depend on the lap dancing club he went to. Some are above board, which i wouldn't have a problem with, but others are virtually brothels and that i would have a problem with, even if he didn't do anything, but i feel those sort of places shouldn't be encouraged.

Original poster
ActingNormal · 03/08/2008 23:36

Better go to bed now, DH gone already, he gets jealous of me being on MN instead of giving him attention I think , he gets more funny about that than I get about his lapdancers! (only jokingly cross with me)

OP posts:
theexmrsfederer · 03/08/2008 23:48

DrN, I still say that someone who went to a lapdancing club in Jan 2007 has been "recently" and that is not "hardly ever".

No offence to you or your DH.

Best to be real about these things.

dittany · 03/08/2008 23:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

theexmrsfederer · 03/08/2008 23:54

I wear a wedding ring.

I would like to see my DH try to get sex if I decide I don't want to.

SGB, that is utter bollox what you just said.

solidgoldbrass · 04/08/2008 00:09

Dittany: I am aware that marital rape is now illegal. However, the traditional deal with marriage was that the man provided the money and the woman provided the domestic, emotional and sexual servicing. Marriage can be and has often been another form of prostitution: just a 24/7 contract with one client rather than an hourly rate for various clients. This is obviously not true of all marriages but it's certainly true of some.

theexmrsfederer · 04/08/2008 00:10

bloody hell SGB, this is the 21st century

dittany · 04/08/2008 00:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

solidgoldbrass · 04/08/2008 00:19

ExMrsF: so? DOesn't stop some marriages being abusive and some being pretty much business deals.

theexmrsfederer · 04/08/2008 00:25

I feel sorry for you SGB if this is your eperience of relationships.

I agree a MINORITY of marriages are abusive or business deals but I think you paint a pretty poor picture of feminism today (if indeed that is what you are trying to highlight, I'm not too sure).

theexmrsfederer · 04/08/2008 00:25

*experience

solidgoldbrass · 04/08/2008 00:31

I am not married (and never have been and never will be). Pointing out that not all marriages are great, and that sometimes exchanging sex for cash when done willingly is not such a bad thing doesn't seem like a 'poor picture of feminism' to me.

dittany · 04/08/2008 00:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dittany · 04/08/2008 00:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

theexmrsfederer · 04/08/2008 00:35

Don't knock it till you've tried it SGB.

theexmrsfederer · 04/08/2008 00:36

Marriage that is.

Must type faster!

solidgoldbrass · 04/08/2008 00:47

Paying for sex isn't necessarily bad. Taking money for sex isn't necessarily bad. A sexually repressive society which fetishises marriage as the only appropriate setting for sexual expression is bad.
And, dittany, almost all customer service jobs involve pretending to feel sympathy and interest and pleasure when dealing with bores, arseholes or morons. It's just that the sex-industry ones often pay better.