Glam & fab part 7 - from strength to strength

[UC]

Thought I'd start this one off on a positive spin? Hope you all find it..

mhis - please dont let him go - yes you may sound like a nagging old wife for not letting him go - but who cares really.
I too did this and tried to get over it too quickly.

This will have to be whole new relationship now and he needs to understand that too.

He should not even put you in a postion to make the decission for him.

Tell him what you NEED (and you must not feel bad if that is what you want), and then if he goes he has again shown you that your needs are not as important as him losing face.

Sorry mr mhis if you are reading this and you will probably say i am a busy body who does not know your relationship and should keep out. But i have been there too and regret not being so strong myself then.

MHIS - you will need to trust him again but it is too soon imo.

will email you so you have my details too.

"maybe he should ask himself what he'd prefer to lose, face at work or his wife and child?"

Hopefully he is reading this and will ponder on it and get back to MHIS with an answer.

At 31 he should be mature enough to make the right decisions.

Pubs are full of sad middle aged blokes drinking on their own who made the decisions based on what their friends thought and sacrificed relationships in the process - the guys with happy family lives make their own mature decisions and can cope with a bit of ribbing from the boys

HW It is not my decision to 'let him go out'. He knows how I feel and that I am willing to try and see if we can have a future but I can only do this if he can respect my feelings and put me first.

I dont think you can stop them from doing what they want to can you - but if he knows it potentially could stop you from getting back together with him....and if cares about how his behaviour hurts you then he will come to the decision that he really shouldnt go himself.

WW exactly. He knows what I want and need to give our relationship a chance. What he chooses to do about that is his decision. Only he can decide if he is willing to give Us a chance.

sorry mhis - i did not mean to imply that you are 'letting him go' I meant that by him even saying that he feels he should go to save face he is looking for your approval of his behaviour.

If he does not go and says its because you did not want him to go again he is shifting the responsibility onto you.

I would bet that he will say something along the lines of 'I would really like to go to prove to you that i can be trusted but i will not go to make you happy / i know that you are not comfortable with that.

All i am saying is take care and if you do not feel ready for him to go out after work then you must say it but not make demands on him.

No contact ever is really the best policy imo. Seeing her will just be a reminder to him of what he has done - i know it is not always practical but you must work together now to get her out of your lives forever - and again i say this from experience - you do not need to ever be reminded of this time.

Agree with WW,HW and Ginnny. MHIS - he needs to do the right thing by you. You are the person he let down in a terrible way and you are the person he needs to make amends to. Stuff the work night out. Is it worth sacrificing a relationship for? A question: is he the more dominant one in the relationship usually? Just wondered if this is more about not letting you dictate what he does, than about losing face at work.

WW - sorry to hear you are feeling down The gym does help but it is so hard dragging yourself there isn't it. I sometimes just do the bare minimum of half hour cardio because I just don't feel like being there. Other days I can stay much longer. Winter feels like it's almost upon us. Dark, cloudy sky, dreary.........had to put central heating on last night. Oops...meant to be trying to cheer you up Sorry Hope you feel better soon. Well done for forcing yourself to chat in the playground. I'm not a natural with superficial chat so this would be the first thing to go if I was on a downer.

Also agree with MHIS - it is hard enough knowing that he works with this woman without him socialsing outside of work with her. My h carried on working with ow for 7 months post-affair. He was at least looking for other work, but it was very hard for both of us.

I meant also agree with HW - though I do agree with you MHIS

So ok Mr HHIS, ARE YOU LISTENING? You won't lose face if you skip the works do - unless your colleagues are shallow, in which case, do you need their approval so much? But you WILL regain your family. Which is more important to you?

And you will gain a bit of cred with the Fab & Glams

my h too returned to work with ow - we both found it very hard - at first i had support from his firm but then they promoted her - it was too much and i wish now i had insisted that he not return to work with her.
He is about to start a new job and although it could still so easily be going on - even more so with a change of job - it has been the gesture i needed.

Yes his job is important to you both but it is only a job anyway and so what if he loses face with his mates.

I know it is hard mhis - but please take the time to know your own boundaries now - you are worth everything and more than he is doing now - remember you did not destroy this. Please dont think you are not doing your bit if you feel uncomfortable with him going.

Hi everyone else. Wily, sorry you are feeling low. This weather really doesn't help. I reckon the nation is going down with SAD after the summer we've had.

Relate went quite well last night - DP dropped a tear or two, took my hand and apologised for what he's putting me through. Counsellor says he may need to sort out his depression independently, as that's more specialised than she's qualified to deal with. Not quite sure whether the depression is causing our problems, or our problems are causing the depression. I think the latter, he thinks they're not related. Humm - think this is going to drag on a bit.

Our 'homework' is to have some time alone together on the weekend (DD will be at her father's and lodger leaves on Saturday thank goodness) and have a meal together and talk about his depression. Oh joy. She advised us not to drink until AFTER the talk! DP said (I hadn't known this) that he was on Prosac for some years after his father died, but it left him feeling in a fog, and he stopped because it seemed better to FEEL - whether high or low - than to live muffled.

At least he didn't retreat into himself this time. He said he'd just felt so full of self-hate last week and couldn't bear being near me - oh, and he doesn't like our cats . Getting rid of them was top of his wish list (though he knows that won't happen, as DD & I would not forgive him!)

Tannee - sounds very promising. At least he is talking Better that he hates the cats than your children. The cats won't mind too much Hope you enjoy some time to yourselves at the weekend.

MHIS don't go... do as ginny says I am shocked by showing this thread to OW...but if she realises the pain she has caused, maybe she will think twice about doing it again.

TO: MHIS husband's OW - please leave them to repair their marriage. There are plenty of other men out there to choose from.

Hi to the rest of you... I have been a bit absent here over the last few days b/c I have been having a fab time with friends and dh..... I really do think I am on the mend. Thanks for your help.

Great news angi

I mean ani

MHIS - I am that he would show you thread to the OW and I hope things will work out the way you want it would be a shame for you to leave as from reading the threads you will be missed.

Ani - well said about OW I hope she takes that advice, and glad to hear you are on the mend.

Tannee - Sounds good has it made you feel better this morning?

Jenk - After reading you threads you sound very strong and I hope he realises before its to late what a great women you are. His family sound a nightmare how do you manage not to say anything?

Last night had upsetting news off my own that came from DS1, that my DP has been sending rude pictures / video of me round the pub prior to us splitting up on the Sunday . I know its my own fault for doing something like that, I feel so stupid, just dont know what to do. How can someone that is meant to love you, as he keeps telling me since he left on Sunday do something like that?

I have yet to confront him,I have even been speaking nicely on the phone to him this morning.

Its poor DS1 I feel sorry for as he was so sad as he like DP very much now he is calling him a 'Pr**k'. Oh dear what do I do?

I just keep shaking.

What a bastard witchy Your ds1 is right in his description. A small one at that

To true

Just dont know what to do, and if I should confront him, and you think you know someone.

Witchy that is awful. I admire your self restraint, if that were me I'd have been straight round to beat the daylights out of him, but then I can be a bit of a loose cannon at times
I guess the right thing to do is not to even dignify such childish behaviour with a reaction, but not so easy to do when you are seething inside.
Your poor ds being caught up in it too. How old is he?

DS1 is 14 so you can imagine. I hope nobody at school has them.

I feel that i have to say something but dont know what yet. I am suprised at my self as dont normally have this much self restraint.

I am so embarrassed, and I will be wondering who has seen them.

Only thing is at least I look good well I thought I did. I have to look positive, when I feel like crying and curling in to a ball.

You poor thing.
Hold your head high whatever you feel inside. You've done nothing wrong. In fact this is showing him up to be nothing but a worm!

Message withdrawn

Well Done Dior.

New post here