Glam & fab part 7 - from strength to strength

[UC]

Thought I'd start this one off on a positive spin? Hope you all find it..

LL I lasted a day... maybe next wednesday.

Dior I hold you up as an example of where I can get to ... don't go.

MHIS - sorry I didn't mean to come over all preachy about the in laws. It is just I feel that you and I are about the same place yet doing things really differently, so when your way makes me question my way I get a little deffensive. Sorry hun. Forgive me.

Baffy you are sounding much better... long may it continue.

Lovev to you all you have all been so good for me xxx

Evening all quick one!

Baffy glad you keeping a step ahead!

Tannee i hope he knows how much you love him , for me it's so evident in your chat here. He is very lucky you think of him so much. Actually your posts have made me think how little i actually think of dp with the 3dc's to think about !

LL wow you sound very busy but glad you seem positive! DD fine now thanks other than the bite mark think she is going to be scarred

MHIS you too keep up with the positive and glad to see counsellor agrees with us

HW Hope doc apt goes ok tom! You sound really down

WW hope the grots doesn't last !
Agree the final point is happiness for all f and g's eventually ?

Still p**d off about money and lack of but hey ho we have our health which means more i know and sometimes i loose sight of that which i vowed never to do after my mum so i feel very lucky in that respect tongight!

Hope everyone else ok and Dior flying the happy flag

PC hope you ok

Anifrangapani I didn't take what you said re inlaws as Preachy in the slightest! I admire how you are handling your situation and like you say we are dealing with a similar thing very differently - doesn't make either of us right or wrong (I hope!) What's meant to be will be we just have to find a coping mechanism to get through this terrible time.

Also don't be afraid to change your mind. If you are really questioning how you have handled things it is never to late to change your mind - either way. Do what is right for you right now.

Baffy - you are doing amazing - I take my hat off to you I really do. You are an extremely strong woman and you deserve a man who will treat you how you should be treated - with respect and love.

Dior you are giving us all hope!

HW Must be so hard to be scared to accept DH offer of support 100% - this is something I fear if DH and I can ever work things out. I suppose as the trust grows more you will start to accept him more hopefully.

Tannee, so sorry he's hitting the wine again. I know only too well that feeling.
A lot of his problems seem to be of his own making. He doesn't feel like the house is his home, yet he doesn't take any responsibility for things and acts like a teenager (in fact your dd sounds more grown up!).

Morning - how is everyone today?

I'm still trying to be positive but it is waning somewhat after DD woke every hour through the night

morning, just a quick one before I go for my haircut.

Things feel a little better today. Sounding of to all of you helped - and had a great message from TFM - TFM, Thank You! We were still tiptoeing around each other last night, until Lodger went to bed - early again, says she finds London exhausting - and for once I'm glad to live in the Great Metropolis! Joined DP where he was lurking in the kitchen, as he seemed more approachable. He asked how I was feeling, and i admitted I felt shattered. He said things had seemed better until Relate, but talking there had brought it all flooding back again, and he really hadn't wanted to be near me the last couple of days. So I did right to follow my instinct to leave him to it (TFM, you were right). We agreed it's going to be tough, but we'll give it a shot - just hope we don't bankrupt ourselves. Looking forward to the 'games' the counsellor said she'd try with us - if only because we're not sure we'll be able to take them seriously .

Well, he didn't quite get through two bottles last night as I had the last glass - and we got a decent night's sleep together. He's not going to Norfolk till tomorrow, so let's hope we can build on that detente tonight (shaky )

God, feel like I've been through the wringer & come out all wrinkled! Hope the rest of you are feeling better. catch up with you later.

Glad things are better Tannee. It was only your first session so hopefully things will improve. You can take what happened this week to your next Relate appointment and maybe the counsellor can advise you on how to handle the aftermath of the sessions.
Hope everyone else is OK.
I'm feeling a bit rubbish today. He's back tonight and he's already been on the phone. He owes me some money which he promised to give back today but now can't do it. I'm so angry that I am in debt because of him. When I get angry about it to him I get reminded of how much money he spent on us over the years. I'm starting to think he could pay it back but is withholding it as a way of controlling me. He mentioned that I'll get it as long as I'm nice to him . God knows what that means.
I just want to get away from him and sever all ties, I feel like he's constantly dragging me down. I've been feeling so good this week on my own, now he's coming back and its like a big black cloud is looming ahead.
Sorry to go on and on.

Message withdrawn

Message withdrawn

Wow Dior - that is brilliant.
He's not the same man he was 3 years ago that's for sure.
Sadly I think he'd laugh in my face at a solicitors letter. Thing is I can't afford to write it off. I'm thinking of emailing the guy he's been working for. He owes him money on a job and I'm thinking of asking him to pay me before he gives him his money. Don't want to involve other people but maybe I'll be driven to it and while I'm at it I might let a few home truths slip out.
I'm feeling rather vindictive and evil today and its not nice.

Ginnny - I'm not surprised you're feeling vindictive. The man you love and have made tons of concessions for, is actually mocking you. Drink or no drink.........totally not on. You can do this on your own, but it's whether you want to that's important.

Angi - not a good time to try and give up so don't be too harsh on yourself.

Baffy - how are you? How is ds getting on now at nursery?

HW - still having wobbles? I don't know about you, but I wish I could just wake up one day and not think about it (the affair). Would be so nice to feel free.

Tannee - hope things get better soon. Alcohol is escape for him. He needs to learn how to cope with problems without it. I went through a phase of drinking to unwind after work. One glass became 2 etc. A very stressful day was 3 and so on. Well over my recommended units by the time weekend arrived. I decided to only drink for pleasure. Felt much better, more in control etc. Thinking much clearer. In fact I made this change before Christmas last year, so when I found out about the affair it wasn't my inclination to drink. Quite the opposite.Is his alcohol problem psychological or is it a physical addiction?

Dior - well done on the overall weight loss. Do you think your happier outlook has anything to do with losing weight? Bet it is nice shopping for new clothes

Just wanted to say Hi on here. My Other Thread's gone - crap hit fan last night after H read it. I will try to get involved here although not feeling fab or glam but very impressed by all of you

Oh God that's the first time I've left the D off of DH

Message withdrawn

Hi Shiny! I'm sure I've seen your thread but can't remember the details.
I think we were all fab and glam once before these men came along ruined it. We will get back there again though! (Except Dior of course who is there already!!!

Well that didn't last After such a positive day yesterday today started off well - despite DD waking every hour through the night.

Then DD has been a bit grouchy this afternoon then as I gave her her tea she touched a hot pan (STUPID me) and now has a blister on her hand - very superficial (checked her out at the GP) but I feel soooooo bad and she cried and cried (as did I)

Just feel so alone and wish I had a DH who actually cared to be here with me when these things happen, the lack of sleep and now this has left me feeling really shakey.

So much that I have actually considered asking DH to come and spend the night in the spare room so that he can get up with her tonight....would this be a really bad idea?

Hi everyone - been to the hospital today and hopefully all sorted - but bloody smug dr just smiles and says 'well you should be ok to have sex again by xmas' . I think it was only a joke but now feel pissed off again.
why is there no equivalent awful embarrassing thing for h to go through - something to quell his libdo for a while?

Hi shiny - glad you can join us - you dont have to have dh - mostly i dont and at the moment mine really is most fantastic man.
He is making tea for the dc and i am resting up for a while - how long do you think i should milk it for girls? .

Lush - if you feel like a chat you can cat or email me - TFM, Dior and Baffy all have my email - i have still not re-newed my mn so cannot cat at the moment. I am not sure the thoughts will ever go away tbh but i think you will one find it may not be the first thing you think of and you will be able to put it in its place and embrace it as a part of who you are now - sounds depressing doesnt it? Remember you have had a huge shock and it will take time to come to terms with it - dont be hard on yourself either.
Does your h find it hard when you a bit down? Mine does sometimes but he too is learning how to deal with it.
We cant always be jolly an happy all the time. H is realising this now and knows that i am not doing it to make him feel bad either it is just part of what i am now.

Hi to everyone else and hope you all have a lovely weekend.

MHIS - you could ask him and say that it is not the start of him coming back. It sounds as if you do need a bit of a break and it woud also do dd some good.

Thinking on another level if ow is still waiting for your marriage to fail she will be livid too .

Take it slowly and dont think of it as anything but him helping - it may also make you see if you do want to give it a try agian.

There are no rules and you have to do what you think best - just take care not to get hurt in the process.

Good luck

Thanks HW - Anyone else? before I ring and ask him.....do you think maybe I sound weak by asking for his help?

sorry HW that sounded as tho I was just ignoring your advice - I wasn't just wanted a few opinions!

You do not sound weak - you are actually being mature enough to ask for help when you need it.

I do think that sometimes we soldier on as if we are supermum. I had some fantastic friends who helped me and now i am far more willing to ask for help.

not a good time for a chat and ask for lots of advice by the look of it.

Just do what you feel comfortable with.

I know

I want to ask for him to come over but I could equally ask my mum or sister so my gut reaction is that I want hin here therefore it isn't a good idea IYSWIM. I'm also scared he might say no then I'd feel very stupid.

Also I look a mess, the house is a tip etc and I don't want him thinking I can't cope.

DD will be in bed soon - fingers crossed - and hopefully we will have a better night tonight.

thnks for your posts HW - hope you are feeling a bit better too x

Decided against asking him over but rang to let him know about DD. He was quite chatty. I ended the conversation tho.

Feeling calmer and better about the situation.

MHIS tough call and odn't think i would have advised either way just what you felt comfortable with and you have already answered that! that you have to do that though! We having tough time with dd too. I think it's teeth so we doing the ashton and parson powder! Hope she hasn't hurt herself too much!

SHINY have seen your thread agree maybe it was good for him to see the hurt he has caused. Glad you found yourself over here. You are in the majority most of us not fab or glam and either were or hoping to be!

Dior well done!!

Ginny i would email him!

HW glad it sorted at hosp but agree it doesn't h can't really understand it! I hope you pick up soon you sound much more down than you have for ages!

Tannee glad you feeling better and glad TFM still around! Why she not speaking to us ? Would be lovely to hear from her!

Well same old same old except we al got stinking cough , cold! Am off out tom though to Manchester to watch Flashdance at theatre with my rl bf! I bought it for her 30th pres so am off at 4 tom and leave dp to it!

PC you ok ?

Have good weekend all!

Thanks Lilyloo - I've been using a teething powder too. Do you live in Manchester?