Glam & fab part 7 - from strength to strength

[UC]

Thought I'd start this one off on a positive spin? Hope you all find it..

Message withdrawn

Dior - I think you need to give yourself a break. Try congratulating yourself for being a quarter of the way there, rather than three quarters not. Really, you have lost that stone quite quickly and if you lose the rest that quickly then you are lucky because it probably took longer to put it on. I was also wondering whether you have ever thought of hypnotherapy because I have heard it can be good for people who use food as an emotional crutch.

Lilyloo - yes h is trying. I still find it hard at times to deal with the fact he has let me down so badly, but I am trying to look forward. I went to the dr the other day to get my Thyroxine increased and she said she can now refer me to infertility clinic as I have been trying for a year. I couldn't tell her that actually I have not been trying since February because h was unfaithful. I did tell her that I have just started a new job and wanted to wait a little longer so she has given me a form for bloods then she can refer me in about 6 weeks.

We're going out for lunch to a Country Pub today. Hope everyone has a good day.

Lilyloo - weather here a bit unpredictable. Hope it's sunny for your garden party.

Message withdrawn

Thanks everyone

Just a very quick one but I will pop back in later to catch up properly.

Annie you always speak such sense, thank you, I totally agree with you.

For once, I have all good news! It seems to be working. We had a really important night last night, friend's 30th that H has known since he was 5 and I've been best friends with since high school. She invited us both to her meal and night out last night.

H was stressed all week over it. I knew he didn't want to go. He hasn't faced any of these friends in 2 years and I knew it would take a lot for him to go.

When we got the invite I told him, and at that point really really wanted him to go. It's all couples. It's all joint old school friends. First time everyone's been together in years and they were travelling from all over the country. And it really wouldn't have been the same without him.

Anyway, given that I was sticking to my guns over everything, when he called on Fri/Sat all stressed out wanting me to help him decide what to do etc,, I just couldn't do it. I said to him if he went then great, and if he decided not to then I'd have a good time anyway and that was his choice.

And that was how I felt. It really was up to him and if he'd have made the choice not to go I'd have gone without a second thought. I need him to start making these decisions for himself, based on what he wants to do.

He blummin came with us!

Now, I know you might think 'so what?!' But this was a massive massive step for him. He faced all his peers who he hasn't faced since the day he left me. He spent the night by my side and enjoying our time together. And most of all everyone welcomed him back without question and he seemed to really turn a corner and realise that the whole world isn't against him if he's genuine about putting this right and making me happy...

He had a bit of a wobble after a few drinks, towards the end of the night, when I was talking to a (male) friend at the bar and he got jealous.
I could see things turning and his attitude towards me start to change. And I hadn't done a thing wrong! I really quickly made it clear that I am not her, if I'm with him I have eyes for nobody but him, and I will not be treated as though I'm going to jump into bed with any good looking bloke that speaks to me!

I've had nothing but apologies since. Which is good because I really can't cope with the fall-out from the way she behaved, and him taking out his issues over her behaviour on me. I'm not her! (Thank God!)

I don't think it did him any harm too, to realise that I do get speaking to people when I'm out and if he's not there, I do get chatted up. IYSWIM!

So things are good.

Still not backing down over OW though, so watch this space!...

PC, how's dd?

lily hope you had a lovely day today

Dior, I totally agree with PC. The pic on your blog is lovely, you look beautiful. You do not look fat. From what you'd said before, the picture was honestly a complete surprise to me. I was not expecting to see a beautiful, attractive, gorgeous woman. But I did From your pic I found you on FB, have sent you a friend request, hope you don't mind!

Lily, how was the party. Hope the weather was better than here...

Baffy, [gri n]. Fantastic!!!!! you are doing incredibly well, and you're right, it was so brave of H to come with you. And good on you for chatting to another man - see, he doesn't like it when boot is on other foot...

I had a nice weekend staying with my brother. Went clothes shopping, got some new (cheap!) stuff, went walking to the pub, watched Kevin and Perry and giggled a lot. H had the DSs. I am maintaining the friendly and beautiful stance, tonight I called him love by mistake though, oops. But he noticed my new necklace, and touched my arm, although that was when he was mentioning meeting up again... I know that sounds ridiculous, but it's the first time he's touched me at all in 4 months.

Message withdrawn

Dior, don't do yourself down. your face is lovely. And I don't blame you checking out who people are! Very wise!!

Think I might just go to bed now... Yawn, yawn. Another week starting...

Thanks UC

Sounds like you're making good progress too. I know it's baby steps, but totally understand the significance of the small things. Keep up the good work!

Totally agree with you too, Dior is absolutely stunning. I hope you'll see that yourself soon too Dior!

Dior - I confess to being nosey. Had a look at your profile. You are stunning. No more self-deprecating comments please They really should be reserved for mingers and you do not qualify I'm afraid

Baffy - so pleased your newly adopted stance is working. Also agree that it's good for him to see other men noticing you. Must have taken some courage for him to go and hopefully this is a very good sign You passed the responsibility back to him. Good - keep doing that

UC - things looking good for you too. Great stuff

How's everyone today? Had a stressful day at work. One of those days when you step into help a colleague and end up regretting it! I didn't think it was my role to run around trying to access emergency funds, buy 4 bags of food shopping and bring it to that person..........but apparently it is.

Very quiet on here at the mo. Hope everyone's ok??

Message withdrawn

not really but have no idea what to do about it

hope everyone else okay.

What's up PC??

Am not too bad thanks Dior. No change since the weekend. Big progress on Saturday. But he still hasn't spoken to OW and I don't see any way for us to move forward properly until he does.
OW moves into her house with her new bloke this week

too much Bafffy

am trying to articulate what#s going on and how i feel about it but i just actually can't get any words together in my head.

not feeling well and have no idea what is wrong with me. brain seems to have seized up and i am not functioning very well.

nothing majorly bad is happening but i'm not comfortable with how things are right now.

have no idea what to do about it tho. or maybe i do know but i can't face doing it.

arg!

sorry, vague whinings from me aren't very uplifting are they!

you don't need to be uplifting, just need you to be ok

has anything in particular happened? when you say you can't face doing it, I assume you mean regarding H. I hope not though as it seemed to be going so well.

sorry for all the questions. don't answer if you're not feeling up to talking. we'll be here to help when you are ready to talk xx

Morning all

Baffy soooooo pleased for you. That is a major step for h. I also think a major obstacle in you two making another go of things too broken down. Friends and their opinions are very important and blokes don't do 'contrite' very well. Did you tell him how pleased you were he made the effort ?

LL hope you have a better day today and good idea r/e the doc. She doesn't need to know the reasons but your right to wait until your ready.

UC well done you it sounds like it's going to be a long hall but baby steps are good.

Dior BEAUTIFUL picture and lovely jewellery!

PC what's up ? Sorry can't really make out why your upset but it's not nice ot see a post when you were making such inroads with h.

Well we had lovely day on Sunday thanks. All the good weather vibes worked too. It rained am but the sun came out in the afternoon so much food and drink later it was all done. DD loved the service and kept trying to eat the vicars hands , robe, service sheet etc. and then did a massive loud yawn when he was talking it was very cute!
I actually took a step back at one point in the day to realise how lucky i am to have all this and know that all the pain/hurt of the last couple of years was worth it
I think that's enough house parties for the next few years though as cleaning the house with a raging hangover wasn't very pleasant

to all and have lovely day!

lily I'm glad you had a lovely day dd sounds gorgeous. And I'm glad you can look back now, and look at what you've got, and know it was all worth it. Gives us all hope for the future

I did tell him how pleased I was that he went and what a massive step it was, and most of all, how much that meant to me.

I guess it was overshaddowed a bit by the way he was at the end of the night. And the fact that I still have this massive barrier up over OW and the fact that he still hasn't told her we're toegther. Just makes it all feel like a farce
I think that now I've set that boundary I just can't back down on it because it's the bare minimum I need from him to understand that he's serious about us and she is no longer his priority...

I honestly don't think he's going to do it though. It's excuse after excuse. Then if that doesn't work he ignores me.

Even texted this morning as he's trying to make plans for us in a couple of weeks and I said I won't agree to it until he's told her the truth. No reply.

One step forward and ten steps back at the moment I think.

Will he give you a reason why he won't tell her ?
Do you think he is scared of upsetting the applecart with you two if she becomes crazed psycho about it all ? Maybe he thinks he is protecting you by not telling her iykwim.
You are right though you do have to stick to your guns on this one.
Maybe set out a list of what you need from him and what you would like from him. That way each small step you notice rather than aiming for the final goal set small steps to get there.Only you can say what they must be and what you are and aren't prepared to compromise on. Maybe he could do the same ? You are moving forwards so don't see it as a farce.
Why do you need him to tell her ? Can you not do it ?

Er Lily... I've always admired your posts and your advice is generally excellent, but you have just astonished me. This is not about telling Psychowoman anything she needs to know, but about HIM demonstrating his ability to actually say no to her, to show some kind of backbone, to prove not only that he has gone back to his wife and child once and for all but that he deserves them to take him back. For his wife to sort it out for him yet again, doing his dirty work, will not help him to grow up one little bit. It's not just about giving up the OW, it's about taking responsibility for his own actions for a change. If he can't do that then he is not a man at all, barely a mouse.

Naughty thinks: if he can't face Psycho himself, he could always ask her New Man to pass on a message. >

Ach, stupid autosmilies, that was supposed to be an evil grin.

Thanks lily

When I get ds from him later I'll ask him outright why he still won't tell her. My guess, is that he knows she'll flip out and he's scared she'll contact me. He hates it when we're in touch and 'killing each other' as he puts it. I know he doesn't want to hurt her too. He wants a quiet life.

But tough! I've been hurt enough. It's been about those 2 for long enough. Now this is about me!

The reason I haven't told her myself is that I've been trying to build up some trust with H that I'll allow him to deal with issues regarding her as he sees fit. I thought it was the best way to go if we have to have her in our lives forever and he wants to build a relationship with his child. He made this mess, he needs to deal with it, and I want as little involvement in that as possible.

I'm in the process of changing my phone number so she no longer has the ability to contact me too.

I do want him to start dealing with these things himself. Over the past 18 months, whenever she wasn't getting her own way, she contacted me. Partly to hurt me. Partly so he'd have to face up to his actions.
I don't want to turn into her.

And I guess I want him to face up to his actions himself, because he wants to, and because he loves me. Does that make sense?

Believe me, I am tempted! One text and it would all be out in the open.

But I think that would potentially do more harm than good in the long run (in terms of damage to the trust we're trying to re-build and the loyalty I said I'd show him if we do sort this out). Do you agree, or am I seeing this all wrong?

I honestly don't have enough things to do a list for him. I don't expect miracles. And the little things he's doing for me are more than enough to show me that he really is trying. The one thing I need him to do, is tell her the truth.

x-posts

Annie you said it more succinctly than me - I do need him to start being a man and face up to this because he wants to be with his wife, and he no longer has any loyalty to that slapper.

lily I do see where you're coming from in terms of just getting it out in the open. I've been tempted more than once! But yes as Annie says, I would then have no confidence at all over H's intentions... for all I know he could be in touch in the background saying, 'just humour her, I'm just doing it for ds, you know the score babe' etc etc... It's been known in the past!

I completely agree Annie but playing the devils advocate here.
What your saying is exactly what he should do but is Baffy prepared to give up their future if he won't do this ? Which he may well not given he has buried his head in the sand thus far for the best part of two years.
Tough decision.
You are right she shouldn't have to do it but if she did would that mean they could move forward towards what she ultimately wants.
Likewise if she does have to do it will she feel resentful that he hasn't.
What i am trying to say is is this line in the sand important enough to be the make or break ?

x post

Baffy then you have your answer then. You need this more than anything else so therefore he should do it for you.