Glam & fab part 7 - from strength to strength

[UC]

Thought I'd start this one off on a positive spin? Hope you all find it..

Hey Everyone. Hi to all the newcomers - I'm struggling to keep track of you all .
Lily, HW, MacD and Baffy - sorry to hear you are all feeling so down. Hope things turn around for you all soon.
TFM - hope dp's Nan is OK.
Tannee - Good luck with Relate tonight.
I've had a busy few days at home. Ds2 has come out in a horrible rash all up his arms and legs and nobody seems to know what it is. He's fine in himself but doctor says not to send him to school till its cleared up. Its been really lovely, I've felt like a sahm again, but I need to go back to work tomorrow as I don't have many days holiday left and I've done as much housework as I can stand! I think I'll send him back to school as it is fading a bit today.
Xp and I called a truce (again!). He's promised to pay back the money he owes me by the end of the month . He's got his Mum staying with him atm as she's not well again so he's got his hands full and its keeping him out of the pub (for now) but it won't be long before the pressure gets to him again and he goes off on one

Hi Ginnny, have you got his promise in writing? don't want him to drink it all away when his mum leaves!

Oh, do you remember the dreadful scenes we had with DP's alcoholic sister & BIL after the Cup Final? She finally sent us a 'sorry' card last week, apologising profusely and enclosing £10 because she's sure she 'stole' a bottle of wine from us! Only one? . Either way, they're not coming back to visit us in a hurry if I have anything to do with it!

tanee! I do remember that. Think you're best keeping as far away from them as possible!

ginny, glad things are ok at the moment.

LL yes it'll definitely be me in tears!
He's gone into school great yesterday and today so I think we've cracked it

Oh tannee - so you dont need us now. Just as well as i am very tired - just been on a long walk and can feel it in my legs already. So the new plan is to flirt with him like mad (just to make you feel better you understand)

Can anyone shed any light on this.
I really don't know what to do?

im trying to read the whole thread so i know whos who etc,but keep getting sidetracked by children!!!!!

ladylush-we did the relate counselling last year,but tbh my heart wasnt in it and he wanted to do the mend the marriage counselling while i was of the no its over opinion,a couple of months ago i asked him to go back to relate and he said no, i know i hurt him last time because i couldnt/wouldnt contemplate every being with him again.

Today he text me,he starts a new job tomorrow so wouldnt b able to put kids to bed,and asked could he today,he asked coule he pick dd up from school,so i said yes,he came here and spent time with DS and i made him his tea,and it was nice.
however he was getting texts from his siter wanting to know where he was (he has moved in to his dads house and his sister is very posessive over him,hs caused major probs in the past)are you at jenks, he said yes and she said i f**king knew it,so he told her to shut up and she wasnt his mother. i was impressed with him for doing that,there will be an almighty row tonight cos she said shes going round.

i asked him what hes doing about his debts and he said hes about to go bankrupt,which im pleased about because maybe the phonecalls.letters will stop.

we have said we may go out on sunday with the kids,cos i dont drive and usually in the past one has one and the other has the other cos they are both ASD and hard work and the thought of them both being cooped up in the house with just me isnt appealing,but we,ll see.

Jenk - you are being very mature about it I must say. His sister sounds nice I think you are right to enlist his help while he is willing as otherwise you will find it so tough going. Will he babysit them so you can go out in your glam new coat with your new hair and nails? Hope so, you could do with a night out I think. Sounds like you don't get much time to yourself.

hiya ladylush, yes hes having them overnight on saturday so i may be going out if i can find anyone who is!!!! my sister prob will.

am trying to be very calm when all i want to do is call SIL and tell her what a nosey obsessed cow she is,but thats not my dept thats his.

apparantly according to his family,if he comes down here to see the kids hes "chasing me" and running around after the kids and im taking the p*ss out of him, hmm it could be said the other way as i made him his tea and was very polite to him and im letting him come round to my house to see them,i could say no just weekends,but i have to think of them and they being the way they are,have taken this very hard because all their routine has changed.

Hi All

Just wanted to come on here and say goodbye

As planned DH came to look at the nurseries with me yesterday. Had a 'normal' afternoon and appreciated his support. He came home with me and we had a nice evening together as a family. As the evening went on we started to talk about Us and what we both wanted for the future.

DH told me that he had slept with OW after we returned from holiday on several occassions. He also admitted to sending her emails and almost daily text messages. He said that he stopped seeing her towards the end of August/beginning of September because he was unsure what he wanted and whether to try again with me. He however admits that the text messages have continued until yesterday.

We continued talking and he said that he wanted to try again with me and that he wanted to be honest with me. He showed me the texts from her sent since we came home from holiday. The earlier ones made it clear that he was telling her that he loved her and that something was still going on the later ones were less clear and seemed to indicate that he was telling the truth that things had stopped - more her asking him to go out and then saying she understood or presumed he wouldn't be etc.

We hugged and this lead to a kiss and then to more - initiated by him. I wasn't sure I was doing the right thing but he was saying all the 'right things' that he loved me, he prefered my body to hers, sex with me was better because he felt closer to me because of our history, how I always turned him on but that he had sometimes had 'problems' in that department with her etc . We ended up making love.

We talked some more and he said that he still loved me and wanted to make a go of things. He said that there would be no more contact with her and blocked her number on his phone. We decided that needed to take things slowly and talk and see if we could have a future together.

He then told me that he had been watching this thread and my original one. He apologised for this. I was understandably upset but was even more so when he went on to admit that he has shown the OW and his mum the thread too. Apparently they have all been following it for weeks now. He was upset about it as was I.

Despite this and how I felt about it I decided that I would stand by my decision and see if we could have a future together.

We agreed that he would come and stay over at weekend and help with DD and spend time together.

He went home and sent me a text saying he loved and wanted me. Today he has sent me several texts, asking me round for a meal tonight (I said it was too soon for this), saying he didn't regret last night and saying how much I had turned him on and how much he had wanted me.

He also emailed me again apologising for looking at my posts and saying how much he regrets showing his mum and the OW. Also said that he knows he needs to prove to me that he wants to try and that he is doing this on the understanding that I can not give him any guarantees about the future.

As the day went on I started to regret what I had done. I felt that by sleeping with him so easily I had made a mistake. I needed more from him before I could decide if we could have a future together.

When he brought DD home tonight I asked to speak to him. I told him that I felt that last night we had moved way too fast. He said he understood. I asked if he was wanting to try again because this is really what he wants. He said it was. I said that I need to know that there would be absolutely no contact with the OW. He agreed .....except he has arranged to go on a works night out later this week for her birthday. I said that I could not accept this and that by choosing to do this he was not putting me first and this is what I need.

He disagreed and said it wasn't that he was going out with her. It was with everyone from work and basically he didn't want to loose face by not going out.

I have told him that if he is choosing to go then as far as I am concerned our marriage is over as he is not putting me first.

He disagreed and said he does want to make our marriage work and is choosing to be with me not her.

Sadly though actions speak louder than words and if he goes out he isn't choosing me. I deserve better than that.

Obviously I feel unable to post on here any longer. However I will check in with you all and see how you are doing. Hope you all continue to go from 'strength to strength' and that you all find happiness

Thanks for all your support over the past few months. I feel sad that I can no longer be part of this thread but feel stronger than I have in a long time. This is DH's chance to do the right thing. Only he can decide if he will.

Message withdrawn

mhis - sorry you are leaving. But i am glad your h seems to be turning that corner. The road you are now taking is not an easy one and i do wonder wether you will need some more support in the future? Like dior said you know where we are.

My advice now would be to talk it all out until there is nothing else to ask (he will not like that - but it will prevent the questions building up in your mind), also remember how strong you are and that you can do this and never be scared of getting your needs met in the future.

Not sure if my h likes me talking to you lot either but i am dammed if i am now going to give up on the lovely support and real friends i have made for him now.

Wish you all the luck in the world and hope he now devotes all his attentions to you and making you feel loved again as you should.

Dior It's not so much my fears re him going out. More that this is the first chance he has to show me that he is willing to put his all into our relationship. To take that first step to see if we can make this work. I need him to respect that I am not comfortable with him socialising or contacting the OW in any capacity if we are to have any chance of a future together.

HW Thanks for your comments and support.

My DH doesn't mind me talking on here. It's me that feels unable to continue posting because he, the OW and MIL have been reading this post. It would be lovely to continue having support from you tho you can email me at [email protected]

MHIS sorry that you are leaving,ive read your story and you are a very strong person,i hope it works out for you,it sounds like its going that way, id be really upset too if H had read on here and shown it to the OW and fully understand why you feel unable to post anymore.

i am in a bit of a dilemma and wondered if anyone could give me advice.

My 2 DC are disabled,DS has AS and DD has ASD/CP, we have a mobility car for her.

The agreement was that H would pick DD up from her school and either drop her here or take her to her after school club,the school is a good 25 mins walk away and means im not back in time for DS when his bus arrives and obv him being AS someone has to be in.

my neice has been staying with me since H left,but wont be here today as her college doesnt finish till late.

I text H and asked him to pick up DD,he hasnt replied yet as he started a new job today but ive no doubt he will do it.

His family have told him that him picking her up is "shes having you running round when she could do it" (i dont drive) and that when he comes here hes "chasing me" and that im "taking the p*ss".

his dad doesnt want H to move into the house at begin of oct be wants him to stay at his and sleep on his couch,he is quite a controlling man and used to bully H and a lot of H,s probs have come from that,but i have started thinking am i taking the p*ss and is he chasing me?

yesterday was lovely,he took me shopping and came back and picked up dd,spent time with DS and i made him his tea and he put kids to bed,it made me think of happier times,i still care for him and love him and hope he will come to his senses and realise what hes giving up.

but the niggling voice of his father is in the back of my head,so far H is ignoring him and standing up to him which is good,he actually phoned me last week trying to get info out of me but i gave him none.

Just ignore them Jenk. As long as your h is ok with it (which it seems he is) I wouldn't give a toss what they think tbh.

MHIS - why did your h show ow and his mum the thread? Pretty strange imo. I can understand him reading it to keep up with what you're thinking (I let h see the one I started when I discovered his affair)but why show it to them as well? Wrt the work do, I can see that he probably isn't going there to be with her but if it means that much to you that he doesn't go, then it doesn't seem as if he is making much of a sacrifice. Especially when you are making huge concessions for him by entertaining having him back. I hope he reads that! By the way, my h stopped going out completely after his affair. I didn't ask him to.........he just wanted to do it to prove his commitment. He goes out with people I know, but not work colleagues anymore. That is much more of a sacrifice than your h would be making.

MHIS - Sorry you cant continue on here but I hope things work out for the future. I can understand your H reading and perhaps showing it to his Mum but the OW....what was he thinking? I have to disagree with Dior regarding OW birthday get together - if it were any other occasions I would say perhaps but if he is serious about putting you first if he were my husband I would need him not to go. I dont get the losing face thing he is not a 14 year old (I assume) he is is a fully grown man if he doesnt want to go then he just uses childcare as an excuse...isnt that what we all do

Unfortunately if you want things to improve with him though you will need to give him a little bit of leeway and make yourself a little vulnerable in the process - guys tend to take things at face value and he may view your strength and control as you not being bothered what happens. Whatever happens...like with Happy Woman this experience has made you a stronger person on the whole because now whilst you know you may not want to live without him that you dont actually need him.

I think I would say the same to you and Ginny...good they are saying the right things - now sit back and see what they do

Hi everyone else - Im still in the midst of a major low - so I may not be about on here so much. I was so tired last night but had a horrible nights sleep which hasnt helped, I have forced myself to stand and chat in the playground today and am trying to give myself a big slap to pull myself together. Now I am trying to persuade myself to get some excercise - I never want to do it but I know it helps lifts the depression

"he just wanted to do it to prove his commitment" EXACTLY Words are cheap...actions are what tell you what is really going on.

Actually...before I go...I have to ask MHIS how old is your husband - im guessing you are younger than us possibly?

I think most men become less bothered by peer pressure and face as they hit their late twenties/early thirties by that point the majority wont f*ck up their whole lives with people they love just so they dont look bad in front of acquaintances.

Sorry Jenk not ignoring your question why do his family view you as taking advantage of him...surely he will only do for you and your family what he wants to? Nice to hear he is standing up to them.

ladylush I don't know why he felt it was appropriate to show them He can't explain why either just apologises for doing so.

However there is nothing on either thread that I am ashamed of or regret saying. I have only ever told the truth on here.

MHIS, I'm amazed at how calm you are knowing that he showed this thread to his mother and OW.

I'd be fuming at the breach of my privacy tbh.

As for going out, fine let him go drinking with his work buddies but not for ow's birthday.

you mentioned something about losing face at work? why would that be? maybe he should ask himself what he'd prefer to lose, face at work or his wife and child?

actually, you don't need to ask him because he's probably read it already!

WW he is 31 I am 29

Hi MHIS. Sorry you have decided to leave us . I can't believe he's shown OW this thread (if only you'd known she was following it you could have thrown a few red herrings her way !). I wish you all the luck in the world and I think you are absolutely right to insist he doesn't go to her birthday do. This is the first thing you have asked him to do to prove his commitment and if he can't do that then you are right, there is no hope.
If you need support in the future you can always name change and maybe email one of us your new name and we'll spread the word. I had to do that before when XP announced my MN name to a load of our friends, at the time I didn't want our problems to be public knowledge so I got myself deleted and reinvented myself (if only real life were like that!!)
It would be a shame to lose the support of this thread at a time when you will probably need it the most.
Good luck whatever you do
x

thanks Ginny I'm sad too. I don't know your email....mine is on this thread tho

WW forgot to say, so sorry that you are feeling low. Hope you feel better soon x

WW his family are strange and have caused no end of rows between us in the past,his sister thinks she can tell all her brothers what they can and cant do and doesnt like me and the two other SIL,s,shes very jealous and cant seem to understand that they are grown men.

his family dont like me,they tolerate me for H,s sake but they view me as a snob which im not in any way,just a mum who loves her kids and wants to do the best for her family,because i dont get involved in the bitching and dodgy dealing that goes on i suppose i come across as that way.