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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Glam & fab part 7 - from strength to strength

1000 replies

UC · 31/07/2008 22:16

Thought I'd start this one off on a positive spin? Hope you all find it..

OP posts:
Baffy · 06/08/2008 11:43

Thanks Dior

I've already drank a 2 litre bottle this morning and as well as being late for work I've probably spent 50% of my time in the loo!

I never get things like this. It's weird.

Anyway, has anyone read that relationship thread 'should I stay or should I go'. Classic abuse situation by the looks of it but am thoroughly by some of the responses. One of those times when I'm making myself !

lilyloo · 06/08/2008 11:53

I saw that thread Baffy but kept away as i have had many run ins with GND !
She is the one with the warped view on women are to blame for men having affairs for neglecting them!
After last time when she kept calling me 'Lilypoo' i decided to 'step away' too!

Hope it clears soon !

macdoodle · 06/08/2008 15:50

baffy quickie you may need antibiotics for your cystitis - most GP's would prob do a script over the phone (I would) if you drop a sample in...failing that lots of fluid - its probably "honeymoon cystitis" at a guess if you have been "seeing" a lot of H
Am ok but very very very stressed sinking really

Baffy · 06/08/2008 15:53

macd I wish!! No such luck I'm afraid! I did read about that on the internet though. Never heard of it before today!

It's loads and loads better now. Drank 500 gallons of water and cranberry juice and the pain has really eased now. Will keep up the fluids and see how I go.

Thanks so much for the advice though.

Is there anything we can help with?

Dior · 06/08/2008 17:50

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FluffyMummy123 · 06/08/2008 18:57

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Dior · 06/08/2008 19:00

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FluffyMummy123 · 06/08/2008 19:02

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Dior · 06/08/2008 19:05

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Paddlechick666 · 06/08/2008 19:47

cod, it is really difficult to understand the headspace of someone who is willing to completely overlook their partner's affair.

it's akin to saying "if my partner hit me i'd leave immediately" but actually when it happens they stay.

maybe your sister has low self esteem and maybe her partner has been doing some low level mental abuse on her?

at this point her entire world and all her expectations for the future have collapsed.

it's a dangerous place to be coz you just hang on and it becomes about winning and not being left.

isn't there some "5 stages" thing that includes disbelief, anger, acceptance etc. sorry, can't remember the whole thing.

it'll take a while for her to get angry, in fact she might never. there's always the possibility that he will sort himself out and they will make a go of it.

most of the women on this thread are dealing with men who's personality has changed and they have had affairs and so on having been previously good people.

is your sister's partner like that or has been dicking (scuse the pun) her around for a while?

i'd echo what dior has said, you can only support her and be there for her. maybe there will be times when you can let rip with your opinions and tell her how you really see it. on the whole tho, until she's ready to listen, you won't be thanked for slagging him off.

maybe she can get some counselling/therapy for herself?

that might help her work out what she actually wants rather than conceding everything to him due to her fear of being left?

FluffyMummy123 · 06/08/2008 20:40

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Paddlechick666 · 06/08/2008 21:05

two long term affairs with the same person or different people?

FluffyMummy123 · 06/08/2008 22:01

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Dior · 06/08/2008 22:03

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Paddlechick666 · 06/08/2008 22:08

2 affairs, 2 different women = he clearly has issues with fidelity and/or your sister.

if he's not happy with your sister he should have the bollocks to end the relationship and find his own way in the world.

if he truly is sorry and they, as a couple, are willing to seek help then it's quite possible for them to have a future.

shame your brother told her not to make it a spectator sport. telling other people makes it very much more real for both parties.

keeping it under wraps and trying to cover up and move on could mean your sister goes into denial.

happywoman (on hols right now) has had experience like this and both she and her H think it's important to tell people so that the full effect of what has happened can be felt.

FluffyMummy123 · 06/08/2008 22:11

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FluffyMummy123 · 06/08/2008 22:13

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Dior · 06/08/2008 22:13

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Dior · 06/08/2008 22:14

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FluffyMummy123 · 06/08/2008 22:14

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FluffyMummy123 · 06/08/2008 22:15

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Dior · 06/08/2008 22:16

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Paddlechick666 · 06/08/2008 22:21

ILs can be incredibly forgiving. and actually ILs don't actually have to know. in fact not everyone has to know but close friends of both parties should know.

he will need a mate to talk to as time goes by.

your sister is just reacting to first instinct to hold it all together and make it okay.

the fallout will fall out as time passes and the first fight or flight impulse wears off.

as dior says, it's not just for quiche here

macdoodle · 06/08/2008 23:22

Hi Cod sorry not much up to posting at mo - but I guess you must feel how my sister feels - she adores me we are very close and she was close to my H - she is angry for me, hates him for what he has done, and I think wishes I would just walk away - TBH with you it is too hard for me to hear these things from her - I need her to love me and support me and give me great big hugs - but not to judge or tell me what to do or expect me to act in the way she expects ...can you try and do that for her Back with more when up to it promise good luck I think this has been really hard for my sister and I can feel her pain through you

FluffyMummy123 · 07/08/2008 08:19

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