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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How would you feel/react if a new man said the following about your body after sex?

303 replies

honkytonkwoman · 08/07/2008 23:29

(1) "It's too bushy." Said about easy-to-guess bits, which I had (I thought) trimmed very neatly the evening before.

(2) "Your clitoris is not very easy to find."

(3) "Ooh, your legs are a bit stubbly - you need to Immac." Said, again, while cuddling in the early hours of the morning, and at the very early stages of grow-back - I'd shaved the morning before, less than 24 hours previously.

I want to know how others would respond or react to this, before I say anymore. Thanks.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 09/07/2008 00:14

Listen.to.madamez.

She speaks sense.

chubbymummy · 09/07/2008 00:14

Next time he contacts you to arrange a date say in your most apologetic voice:
"To be honest with you I'd rather not, it's just that you're not really very good in bed. Your penis is very small compared with what I'm used to and I like a man who is good with his hands. I know it's not your fault, you're obviously just very inexperienced. I'd offer to teach you but my calendar is so full at the moment, what with all the waxings I have booked. Anyway, I'm sure you'll find someone who would be quite happy to spend the rest of their life having mediocre sex. I wish you all the best and I'm sorry things didn't work out between us."

chubbymummy · 09/07/2008 00:16

After all, honesty is his strong point so he's bound to appreciate you being upfront with him!

VeniVidiVickiQV · 09/07/2008 00:18

oh yes. Tell him that you couldnt possibly date a man with whom you could never perform oral sex on. ANd you couldnt perform oral sex on him because his penis is ugly and physically repulses you.

expatinscotland · 09/07/2008 00:19

I wouldn't bother arranging another date with him at all.

He's not worth it and it'll just show him he's getting a rise out of you, which is exactly what he wants.

Just don't bother contacting him again and when he does, tell him to take a long walk on a short pier. End of.

If he can't figure out why, he's thick as well as a fuckwit.

Original poster
honkytonkwoman · 09/07/2008 00:22

Do you know what's interesting? When I stood my ground talking about this earlier today, and said I had found him insensitive, hurtful, bolschy and patronising, this chap, for the first time in the two months I've known him, got really angry. He said emphatically that he knows who he is - a soft-centered "pussy cat", apparently, according to his women friends - and that he is not the kind of person I described. He said he felt (and he sounded) angry and that we should have a few days' breathing space. My feeling is that because he flared up so much, that is where the juice is; that I had hit a nerve. He's too proud to even probe it though.

I'm getting all a bit deep for this time of night, but I can trace my reaction back to my teens. I remember being quite a feisty girl with lots of (I thought) well-thought-out opinions, and my dad disagreeing with all of them, regardless of merit, and forcefully talking me out of them. It's history repeating itself. What a useful realisation.

I really do feel so cheered by this thread. I was feeling utterly miserable, flawed and defective before posting, and you've turned that around. THANK YOU.

Night night.

OP posts:
thumbwitch · 09/07/2008 00:24

i only make the effort for the guys I really like?
Im sorry, did we have sex, I didn't notice?
Are you stil here?

xica · 09/07/2008 00:25

for you, honkytonk

expatinscotland · 09/07/2008 00:26

Don't bother contacting this loser again.

Who cares how he views himself, because his actions towards you show he's an utter twonk?

Breating space, my arse.

Delete and move on and when he contacts you again, a simple, 'We're through. Do not contact me again' will suffice.

And if he doesn't like it, tough. He contacts you again and you tell him in NO uncertain terms to stop harrassing you and move on.

As I said, if he can't figure out why he's thick as well as an utter wank stain.

thumbwitch · 09/07/2008 00:26

X post HTW - glad you made the realisation that he is a creep and not worth it.

chubbymummy · 09/07/2008 00:29

Please don't be down on yourself about choosing the wrong sort of men honky, the only reason we are all giving ass-kicking advice is that we have had our confidence knocked many,many times ourselves. You learn from your mistakes and that seems exactly what you have done here! Your ex knocked your feet out from under you and now that you are getting back up again (albeit with a broken heart and bruised pride) you are not going to let this chump do the same thing to you. Unfortunatly you have to sleep with kiss a lot of toads before you meet a prince.

Original poster
honkytonkwoman · 09/07/2008 00:29

xica, you lovely thing. LOL!

Yes, bloody well done me. I'm gorgeous (or so I'm told), good in the sack (again, have been told - head not as big as The Ego's, FFS) and I'm learning I can do so much better than this.

This one is coming right back at you.

OP posts:
chubbymummy · 09/07/2008 00:31

Sorry that was ment to be sleep with. No good at this fancy stuff.

Original poster
honkytonkwoman · 09/07/2008 00:31

Thanks, chubby. Sweet words. I'm off to get laid then ...

OP posts:
xica · 09/07/2008 00:35

aw, honkytonk, nightclubs! I remember those! and dancing! fuck me, I want to go out now

night night

colacubes · 09/07/2008 00:41

Controlling controlling controlling, get the fuck out of dodge before he comes back, if hes commenting on things like this he wants you to feel uncomfortable, and there is only one reason for that so he has the control in the relationship.

He is a prick, get rid!

S1ur · 09/07/2008 00:51

I'd say.

(1) It's too fuckwittery
(2) the door is easy to find
(3) Off You Fuck

hth

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 09/07/2008 08:20

Horrible man! And totally overreacting to your reaction.
No men have ever commented on my leg hair, and only one on my fanny hair but he was a well established boyfriend and did it in a much nicer way.
A man once tried to 'suggest' a sex move the first time we had sex. It put me right off. You have to give things a chance to settle in before getting critical!
He made that comment about your clitoris because he was feeling inadequate about not being able to make you come in 5 minutes (I bet every other woman faked it)
Ditch him!

TattooedGrrrl · 09/07/2008 08:30

aside from the fact (as far as i know) our clits are all in the same place (muppet) I'd wonder how many women he's had lasting relationships with. Unless you specifically asked him his opinions on these things, and he's the type that can't lie, he's a knob.

TheHedgeWitch · 09/07/2008 09:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

WideWebWitch · 09/07/2008 09:38

Agree, tell him to fk off

PinkChick · 09/07/2008 09:39

he soudns like he was making @to do@ list about you afterwards, what a wanker..david brent or what!

greenelizabeth · 09/07/2008 09:40

What KerryMum said. BYE. BYE BYE in fact.

bethoo · 09/07/2008 09:40

i hoped you picked out his flaws and sais something like ''well you're no Adonis yourself!''

CarGirl · 09/07/2008 09:42

I think you have attracted someone who is very similar to your ex (which is our naturaly istinct to do).

He is well out of order there are somethings you just don't say ever, some you would phrase differently once you were in a long term relationship etc etc

It is HIM not you