How would you feel/react if a new man said the following about your body after sex?

[honkytonkwoman]

(1) "It's too bushy." Said about easy-to-guess bits, which I had (I thought) trimmed very neatly the evening before.

(2) "Your clitoris is not very easy to find."

(3) "Ooh, your legs are a bit stubbly - you need to Immac." Said, again, while cuddling in the early hours of the morning, and at the very early stages of grow-back - I'd shaved the morning before, less than 24 hours previously.

I want to know how others would respond or react to this, before I say anymore. Thanks.

See, that was my gut instinct. You simply don't say this kind of thing to someone, especially not someone you've just had sex with for only the second time.

The context was cuddling up after some good sex. I'd shaved about as realistically close to the "date" as I could, short of shaving twice a day; was all tanned and trimmed and dressed up too - felt I'd made a real effort.

This man knows that in my previous relationship, there had been a recurring sentiment from my ex that I wasn't good-looking/attractive enough. I thought "how bloody insensitive" of him to say these things about my body and told him so. I felt really quite hurt. He has said that I am hyper-sensitive, over-reacting and far too easily hurt, and that the other women he has known/knows wouldn't react as I did (i.e. hurt). And that most men simply don't like stubble, and that I am taking his remarks out of context.

He has also said that he thinks it's important to talk about what each of us likes in bed. I wholeheartedly agree with this, but I would put "up a bit, left a bit, faster" in a wholly different camp to commenting on the imperfections of someone's pretty good body and asking for bits and legs to be more coiffed to "please him".

I am sensitive and easily hurt, so have been thinking that maybe it is indeed me ... but you're saying that irrespective of context and no matter how these things are said, they're just not acceptable, right?

I was f*cking right then. What a sod.

Blimey, that's the fastest-growing thread I think I've been on! (Name changed, of course.)

Best go back and catch up with posts now ...

Say "I'm so sorry I had to fake it, I've never had to before........." and just tail off with a sorrowful look on your face

Do not come on here in a year telling us he is belittling you as we will all refer you to this thread

Control freak. Avoid avoid avoid and TELL HIM WHY HE'S BEEN DUMPED.

(1) your pubes are a bit bushy

(2) not very good at finding my clit are you

(3) your dicks bent

no honestly get rid of him big time get rid if he's like this now......

loose him like you loose the change down the back of the sofa!

'He has said that I am hyper-sensitive, over-reacting and far too easily hurt, and that the other women he has known/knows wouldn't react as I did (i.e. hurt).'

Because other women would have literally kicked his book arse OUT of their bed right then and there.

He sounds like an abusive dicksmack.

I would get him out of your life and make zero apology for it.

Nor do you owe him FA by way of an explanation, except maybe, 'Because I don't go out with fuckwits, so that leaves you out.'

End of. Hang up the phone. Don't give him a chance to respond.

If he does, let him know you're keeping a log of his harrassment.

"most men don't like stubble"

erm, no, my dh would not notice any bushiness, he would just be delighted at all the shags

which is what someone should definitely be doing after only two shags, frankly he should be all attentive and worshipy right now - not starting to put you down already (particularly since he knows it would hurt you)

now, cockwart !

'have you done this before, like with a person. you have? really? '

'well if you knew where to look for it you might have more luck'

'just as well you don't like it as you won't be invited back, try not to make too much noise on your way out... trying to make up for your lack of technique has left me exhausted and i need to sleep'

you are NOT oversensitive.

he is a a fuckwit.

How rude! In response I would have said:

1. As a grown woman I choose not to shave it all off in order to represent a pre-pubecent girl.

1. My last partner hit the spot every time, you are obviously very inexperienced in the art of foreplay. I shall draw you a map to study on the long lonly evenings you will be spending alone.

1. While we are on the subject, you could do with a back, sac and crack wax yourself face ache!

men don't like stubble

which men? never had anyone notice in my whole life! the few tmes i'm apologised about hairy legs to dp he's laughed and told me 'stop being weird'

Love it. Thanks, girls.

I have spent the day letting his calm and articulate "it's all down to you" comments start to sink in. No more!

I was in a looong relationship prior to this, which was subtly undermining over the years in some respects, so I'm still learning to spot the signs. Note to self: trust gut instinct.

This chap is charming and lovely in a lot of ways, but a self-confessed control freak - colditz, you were on the button with that.

Sex with my ex, despite the other crap, was brilliant, and he's enough of a friend now that I could ask him about this: no problem whatsoever locating key areas (he did this perfectly), miniscule stubble never an issue and he thought my bits were perfect.

Why do I attract these sorts? Back to the drawing board ...

Feeling heaps better now, though. Thanks.

DTMFA

dump the mother fucker already.

he's a selfish bastard. you don't need that. no one does.

DTMFA

dump the mother fucker already.

he's a selfish bastard. you don't need that. no one does.

just had to drop by to applaud the responses on this thread.

I especially like 'your cock is hard to find too'!

Eeew, people as nasty as this sometimes turn dangerous. He clearly doesn't like women very much.

"do your dishes on your way out"

and never let him back in.

total total nobcheese arsewipe tosser.

Ah, loving your responses girls.

Feeling a bit sad though that I don't appear to have the automatic self-preserving, self-assuredness you all seem to. The reason I am so easily hurt is clearly because I let hurtful types close enough to do damage, when you lot would have booted them to oblivion. What the heck's that all about? And where do I learn to become a tougher cookie?

Interesting.

you're already learning, honky.

because in your last relationship, you didn't question it for ages - i'm just going off your other posts on here - and here you are a day later, thinking, 'Hmm, this isn't right.'

and you're correct.

so you are getting there.

Fucking hell! He needs to brush up on his sweet talking doesnt he?

Agree with what other's have said.

oh, and my view of his comments:

1. "it's too bushy" = I've watched much porn and have a strange aspiration as to what body hair should look like
2. "your clitoris is not very easy to find" = you didn't seem to enjoy yourself/orgasm easily and it couldnt possibly be my fault oh no certainly not because I've used all my usual moves in bed and they've always worked before
3. "ooh your legs are a bit stubbly - you need to Immac" = I'd like to lay down the ground rules viz a viz comment 1 wrt to how you look and how you groom yourself because i am a control freak and again, i have a warped view on how womens bodies should look.

it's easy to be self-assured on a talkboard, honkytonk - I'm sure in RL some of us would be thinking 'is it a bit bushy?' 'maybe it is really small' and 'hmmm must wax them next time'

he is still a tosser though!

Thing is though, nasty comments like that are not about your body, or your muff-fluff, or anything like that. They are about upsetting you. Especially when the follow-up is 'You're too sensitive.'
He'd probably have shot off in his pants if he'd managed to make you cry.

Female solidarity is a powerful thing. The male ego is equally enormous. Oddly enough nobody's said. "Poor bloke, let's give him the benefit of the doubt." How very dare he !!!!