He brang my daughter's sex life in an argument - feel sick - what to do?? Handhold please

[SavageStoneAge]

Need to vent somewhere as can't talk to family and friends as it is so disturbing / disgusting.

I have been with "D"P for 2 years. It has not been plain sailing. He has been abusive to me, mostly verbal but really vicious things.

I said, in desperation really, that if DD (who's 23) told me her boyfriend treated her like he treats me I would tell her to end it. Because he just couldn't see how the latest thing he had said, to upset me, was so nasty.

He replied saying if "I had a son I would also tell him to get the fuck out [if son was treated badly by someone like me] but I would be a good father and not go out and get drunk with my son and let him fuck like rabbits with 2 or 3 men in a month. Thank God I will never be a father and I won't leave another monster behind 👹, who doesn't have a sense of reality 🥰🫶"

I just feel absolutely sick. It is true I have gone out with DD and had a few drinks. But she is 23!!!! And he knew she split up with her long-term high-school boyfriend, dated someone else, then ended up with her current partner, who's lovely. But what is freaking me out is the way he references my daughter "fucking like a rabbit". It's just so abhorrent to me. He's met her, and they've been cordial. And all the while he has been secretly judging her.

Also implicitly calling me a monster and saying I am leaving behind another one (IE, my DD).
I don't know what to do now. Every time I look at DD I feel sick thinking about what he has said about her. I had mentioned her relationship changes in passing because we are very close; but not in any detail.

Please, I need help with how to proceed. I am shaken and devastated. I am seeing him in a totally new light.

Phone women’s aid today. This is domestic abuse and sexual assault /rape.
they will help you make a plan to rid yourself of this bastard

Perhaps it’s worth taking his keys and credit card to the police station and he can collect from there. Call women’s aid for specific advice, but said kindly the porn you describe sounds like it was produced without consent, which is not legal.

You probably know this, but none of what you describe are traits of a healthy relationship.

More conservative, yet he loves to film you having sex and talks about your daughter’s sex life? Sounds more like a country where men can do what they want with no consequences whilst women suffer through. Disgusting. Feel for you!

If a man said anything awful about any family member of mine (even if I didn't like the person) I could never feel the same again about them. And to say that about your daughter is just disgusting.

Get rid of him , he has absolutely no respect for you and your family. He is vile.

The first sentence would be enough for me to dump him.

Partner (Great not even married)
2 year relationship (Great, not that long)
Not plain sailing (Third reason why he’s easy to dump)

Why the fuck are you with him? Wouldn’t life be better in your own? If you were together 20 years with three kids it’s more of a dilemma, but you’ve had a shit boyfriend for 2 years. Dump him. I don’t understand what you’re asking. If you have any brain cells, surely the obvious thing would be to move on.

Just caught up with your recent posts. So sorry you've had to go through this, but thankfully, you didn't move in as he was pressing you to and its brave to end it too.

Would it help@SavageStoneAge if you work through the things you are worried about one by one and then they each one sends him a step further away. Just think about how it will feel to finally be rid and feeling peace and safety.

eg/ You were worried about some belongings left at his place. Most things like that are replaceable? in which case, forget them. It's a small price to pay not having to deal with him again.
His keys and credit cards. Don't bother to return them.
Hand them into the police and tell them why you don't want to hand them back yourself. No one can accuse you of anything then. Then he can collect them from there himself if he complains about it. the cards may even prove to be evidence.

Contact someone like Womens aid for support. And see if they can recommend someone in RL you could talk to about this. Family are great but you've been through the mill and it would be helpful to talk to someone with experience of dealing with this things.

Warn your DD.. doorbell cameras, changed locks for both of you.
The police will have advice about your fear about the photos etc.he has taken. Wishing you all the best x

I wouldn't worry about revenge porn, you can report him if he sends it to anyone and you could also just tell people it's AI

The whole thing sounds toxic you brought your daughter into it he upped
the anti to get try and get the last word I wouldn’t think too much about it other than it’s over
I don’t think it’s that deep as he’s being judging your daughter he’s lashed out and fired back with this response to deliberately hurt you

I have been with "D"P for 2 years. It has not been plain sailing. He has been abusive to me, mostly verbal but really vicious things.

This is actually enough for me to tell you to leave. The rest doesn't really surprise me - he's a wanker of the first order.

Get him out of the door and out of your head. You deserve so so much better.

I’d really suggest you read at least the OP’s comments/posts in full before replying next time.

Leave this web of abuse that he has created.
Celebrate YOU

OP I'm glad you've dumped him and blocked him.

I honestly think you should do the freedom programme/get some counselling because this guy should never have been in your life for so long - he was giving off red flags like a parade.

You have no reason to feel embarrassed about revenge porn. I know it's much easier said than done but you were in a relationship having sex with your partner. There is really nothing to see there.
If someone sent you a sex video involving a woman you knew would you think "how embarrassing for her" or would you think "what an absolute asshole. This woman had consensual sex with you. How fucking dare you". You are a full grown adult who is allowed to have sex with another full grown adult. Use this as your mantra. Besides, it's utterly ridiculous that a sex video is meant to be humiliating for the woman but not the man.

This is absolutely horrific.
Multiple instances of serious sexual assault.
Multiple instances of physical assault.

You 100% need to talk to Women's aid and consider the police.

I also think you should tell your daughter that he has assaulted you physically and sexually and you have ended things.
Tell her for this reason you want to check if he ever laid a hand on her.

This is so so serious.
He is a very dangerous man that has claimed to have raped you while you were asleep.

You end the relationship, as simple as that. You're not married, you have no children, he is horrible. There's no reason at all to continue the relationship.

I would make a report to the police about his abusive behaviour to date and tell them your concerns around revenge porn. I would also do a Claire’s Law on him, I doubt you will be the first.

Oh shut up. Are you a new account from the other tosser? The guy has abused her in ways including filming himself attempting to orally rape her and claims he already has raped her, you're not clever, funny, superior or whatever else you think you are by blundering in with this shite eight pages in. Go find a place where people think you're cool, it should take you long enough. Whatever way you think you're superior or clever, you're not. Go away and take the rest of them with you.

This.

Not a minute longer with this arse of a 'man'.

Take your own advice and leave him. There is nothing else to say.
Stay with him, and you are a fool.

I don’t think I’ve ever used this word before but WHAT AN ICK omg

I would change your locks in case he has made a copy and call the police, let them know the video he made and that he said he’d filmed himself having sex with you whilst you were asleep. Cut his cards up and bin his keys you don’t want to meet him again to talk or hand hem back. Get your mum to block him.

Sort of threats he has made about how he makes people's lives 🔥HELL🔥 if they cross him, and also he has naked videos of me

Send things back in the post. Recorded delivery so you have a proof, but if he doesn’t collect and loses them then so what? You did your best.

You might want some therapy to help you past thinking you have to solve his, or any man’s, problems for him.

There it is. I wondered what the point of the post was given you’ve already ended it with him.