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Original poster

He brang my daughter's sex life in an argument - feel sick - what to do?? Handhold please

288 replies

SavageStoneAge · 15/10/2026 09:43

Need to vent somewhere as can't talk to family and friends as it is so disturbing / disgusting.

I have been with "D"P for 2 years. It has not been plain sailing. He has been abusive to me, mostly verbal but really vicious things.

I said, in desperation really, that if DD (who's 23) told me her boyfriend treated her like he treats me I would tell her to end it. Because he just couldn't see how the latest thing he had said, to upset me, was so nasty.

He replied saying if "I had a son I would also tell him to get the fuck out [if son was treated badly by someone like me] but I would be a good father and not go out and get drunk with my son and let him fuck like rabbits with 2 or 3 men in a month. Thank God I will never be a father and I won't leave another monster behind 👹, who doesn't have a sense of reality 🥰🫶"

I just feel absolutely sick. It is true I have gone out with DD and had a few drinks. But she is 23!!!! And he knew she split up with her long-term high-school boyfriend, dated someone else, then ended up with her current partner, who's lovely. But what is freaking me out is the way he references my daughter "fucking like a rabbit". It's just so abhorrent to me. He's met her, and they've been cordial. And all the while he has been secretly judging her.

Also implicitly calling me a monster and saying I am leaving behind another one (IE, my DD).
I don't know what to do now. Every time I look at DD I feel sick thinking about what he has said about her. I had mentioned her relationship changes in passing because we are very close; but not in any detail.

Please, I need help with how to proceed. I am shaken and devastated. I am seeing him in a totally new light.

OP posts:
Dollymylove · 15/10/2026 10:12

Ugh what a foul waste of skin. Get him out of your and your DDs life asap

MozzieFreeZone · 15/10/2026 10:13

It must be better being single than being in such a dreadful abusive relationship @SavageStoneAge
What will you daughter think if she ever finds out that she was spoken about in this way and that you stayed with him?

Lifeomars · 15/10/2026 10:14

i would have been enraged by his comments and never want to see him again. If you don't break up with him he will just get worse as you will be giving him permission to let his whole vile self out all the time

NoHangoversToday · 15/10/2026 10:14

DoAWheelie · 15/10/2026 09:46

He's abusive to both yourself and your child. There is nothing redeemable here. Throw the whole man away.

100% this

Error404FucksNotFound · 15/10/2026 10:14

He's revolting.
Do you live together?

Italiangreyhound · 15/10/2026 10:15

Just break up with him. Nothing else to do.

sesquipedalian · 15/10/2026 10:17

“I have been with "D"P for 2 years. It has not been plain sailing. He has been abusive to me, mostly verbal but really vicious things.”

So why on earth are you still with him? He’s abusive to you, he’s vile about your DC - just what, exactly, are you getting out of this relationship? Time to leave, OP.

Slightyamusedandsilly · 15/10/2026 10:18

@SavageStoneAge he is scum. Dump him. Probably just by text and then block him, so he can't reply with text abuse. And be careful. He sounds like a nasty piece of work.

WhosGotTheKeysToMyBimma · 15/10/2026 10:19

He's a nasty piece of work & you need to get rid. Today.

How DARE he say that about your daughter.

UnderMirkwood · 15/10/2026 10:20

Well obviously you end the relationship, that is what any sane, self respecting person would do. The real worry is why you were prepared to be in a relationship with a man who "has been abusive to me, mostly verbal but really vicious things".

Even before he made the judgemental comments about your daughter the relationship was unhealthy. Why have you tolerated being regularly verbally abused by a contemptuous prick? That is what you should be focusing on and maybe getting some therapy to look at why you stayed so long in a bad relationship?

Please end the relationship immediately, he is a tosser.

AgentPidge · 15/10/2026 10:22

Get a friend to help you leave. He doesn't love you. You are better off alone.

Wotsupmog · 15/10/2026 10:22

You leave him, with support from a domestic violence helpline if necessary.

OffTheMap · 15/10/2026 10:22

I said, in desperation really, that if DD (who's 23) told me her boyfriend treated her like he treats me I would tell her to end it

And that would be very good advice.

So take it… and end it.

Come on OP, only two years in and he’s abusive, misogynist, makes vile judgements about your Dd.

You end this relationship. He will get worse. To you and your Dd.

And he will grind you down , strip you of your self respect and your ability to rescue yourself.

Frankly, it’s already started: try no woman with any understanding of a healthy relationship would consider anything but END THIS RIGHT NOW.

What are you expecting us to advise you?

arethereanyleftatall · 15/10/2026 10:23

I’m not understanding what you need help with in how to proceed, or why you’ve stayed in a relationship with someone so vile.

we can help you if you let us know the reason you haven’t left already.

blinkingpeck · 15/10/2026 10:23

What on earth does this vile man add to your life? Value yourself because no one else will if you don’t.

Yupstillhere · 15/10/2026 10:24

How to proceed? What do you think your options are? Block him or block him. He's vile.

wizzler · 15/10/2026 10:26

Run and keep on running

WinterBlues26 · 15/10/2026 10:26

I have been with "D"P for 2 years. It has not been plain sailing. He has been abusive to me, mostly verbal but really vicious things.

Why are you still with him? Get rid, do The Freedom Programme and find some self worth.

CactusPeach · 15/10/2026 10:27

He is abusive to you, which is reason enough to end it. But that is a relationship ending comment because it is so mean spirited and judgemental.
If you stay with him, you are telling him it's okay to think and speak about you and your daughter like that, and he will continue to do it, his judgements will likely get more condemning and that will lead to him being more openly critical. If your daughter finds out he thinks about her that way, or sees him being abusive to you, then you are showing your daughter by your actions that being treated this way is acceptable.
You already know you need to leave because you know you would advise your daughter to leave, why are you staying in a situation you know you would advise others to leave?

diddl · 15/10/2026 10:28

I don't know what to do now

Yes you do-something you should already have done!

speakball · 15/10/2026 10:29

sweetheart you absolutely need to work out why you would rather stay and argue with someone who neither likes or loves you then end this cruelty. he might think he’s nice, he probably knows he isn’t. either way he doesn’t want a relationship he wants a living feeling meat sack to be nasty to when he realises what a lousy piece of shit he is. don't be his meat sack. you didn’t survive everything thus far to be someone’s dog to kick.

Beachtastic · 15/10/2026 10:30

I am seeing him in a totally new light.

Good, the scales have dropped from your eyes!

You know what to do, OP.

JustMyView13 · 15/10/2026 10:30

Part of the joy of a healthy mother / daughter adult relationship, is being able to go out and enjoy each others company. That includes grabbing a drink in a bar. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Her sex life is nobody’s business but her own. So what if she does have an active sex life? What a gross thing to even bring into the conversation. If you don’t live together this is a pretty easy exit. Just bin him.

speakball · 15/10/2026 10:31

he’s thought about having sex with your daughter. you know that dont you.

Thundertoast · 15/10/2026 10:31

I cannot stress this enough.
This man doesnt like you. He might say he does, because he knows thats what he's supposed to say to keep you from leaving him, but he very clearly does not like you. This is not how you treat people you like. There is literally no point staying with a man who doesnt like you. Any good times you have, you would have 1000x more AND no abuse, with a partner who actually likes you and treats you well.
Dont scrabble around for scraps mixed with shit when you can be free, and leave room for joy to come into your life.