He brang my daughter's sex life in an argument - feel sick - what to do?? Handhold please

[SavageStoneAge]

Need to vent somewhere as can't talk to family and friends as it is so disturbing / disgusting.

I have been with "D"P for 2 years. It has not been plain sailing. He has been abusive to me, mostly verbal but really vicious things.

I said, in desperation really, that if DD (who's 23) told me her boyfriend treated her like he treats me I would tell her to end it. Because he just couldn't see how the latest thing he had said, to upset me, was so nasty.

He replied saying if "I had a son I would also tell him to get the fuck out [if son was treated badly by someone like me] but I would be a good father and not go out and get drunk with my son and let him fuck like rabbits with 2 or 3 men in a month. Thank God I will never be a father and I won't leave another monster behind 👹, who doesn't have a sense of reality 🥰🫶"

I just feel absolutely sick. It is true I have gone out with DD and had a few drinks. But she is 23!!!! And he knew she split up with her long-term high-school boyfriend, dated someone else, then ended up with her current partner, who's lovely. But what is freaking me out is the way he references my daughter "fucking like a rabbit". It's just so abhorrent to me. He's met her, and they've been cordial. And all the while he has been secretly judging her.

Also implicitly calling me a monster and saying I am leaving behind another one (IE, my DD).
I don't know what to do now. Every time I look at DD I feel sick thinking about what he has said about her. I had mentioned her relationship changes in passing because we are very close; but not in any detail.

Please, I need help with how to proceed. I am shaken and devastated. I am seeing him in a totally new light.

He is awful. It feels good to get it off my chest although I feel very ashamed about it all and have a terrible guilt for letting DD within 6 ft of him

I have signed out of everything however I cannot seem to log out of iPlayer.

Please let this be a lesson not to make porn in future relationships op. Glad you're ending things, even before what's been said about your daughter you should have been out of there. If your ex dh was also abusive, may be worthwhile looking into the freedom programme.

Don't worry about it. Literally nobody cares except one or two people who wouldn't know what mattered if it filmed itself attacking them while they slept. They think they're clever and superior, everyone else knows they're not. Concentrate on what matters, which isn't them.

Yes I am regretting it now

It was the only time I ever made videos with someone and I just really wish I hadn't but in hindsight he was pushing boundaries a lot in all forums of my life including sex.

I don't really know why I stayed so long

I wish I hadn't. I think I will avoid men for a long time and find freedom programme as a few people have suggested.

Work out why you value yourself so little that a man like this can treat you so badly.

Seriously this may have started ok, but it’s going badly now and will only get worse.

Get some advice from the police OP. Tell them everything. You didn’t know this man at all. No friends or family in 2 years a huge 🚩. For all you know he could have a criminal or DV record.

https://www.police.uk/advice/advice-and-information/online-safety/online-safety/non-consensual-intimate-image-abuse-revenge-porn/

There’s also a helpline:
revengepornhelpline.org.uk

OP, he sounds totally vile.

My exH would make "jokes" about my two young nieces' sex lives....a LOT. There aren't enough vomit emojis in the world. And he was an abusive cunt, too.

With your updates, I would now say go to the police.

I'm also wondering if he is an ex of mine. Is he from the ME?

It was someone whose sole contribution to the thread, was to correct your grammar.

Probably still bitter they weren’t head girl at school.

He sounds vile. I am glad he is your "EX" h!!!!!!!!

They're back now

Strange kind of person to be commenting on the grammar of someone who is clearly very distressed and desperate for advice and IN PAIN but 99.9% of people commenting on this thread have been angels

Might be worth putting in a Clare’s law request.

https://clares-law.com

He is from Central America.

Sorry you have an ex like this too 😪

Will he know i have put in a Clare's Law? I am worried sick he would somehow know.

Why are you with him?

Glad to hear you are leaving him OP. Try not to feel too too bad at staying in the relationship thus far, a mixture of someone uncertain in their self and their boundaries plus tending to give others the benefit of the doubt and believing that their partner will genuinely try their best to fix problems does tend to make relationships live longer then they should. If you are someone who would try to fix a problem and will assess yourself and compromise to improve things it can be hard to get your head around the fact that some people don't choose that, basically that they choose to turn away instead of lean into growth.
Plus you have understandable concerns about the repercussions of breaking up with him, that was enough to keep you hanging on but your protective instinct came out in defence of your daughter when he crossed that line.
Lundy Bancroft has a book, I think it's called Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men or something similar, I haven't read it in a long time but I remember finding it helpful to make sense of things at the time.
Regarding sending his stuff, just send it recorded delivery or something (purely because it's keys and/or credit cards) if he chooses not to pick it up from the delivery office that is not your fault. I'm presuming the credit cards are in his name, if they are not then I don't think you need to return them at all, just cut them up.

No it’s private think they tell you not to say anything afterwards. I fear this is not his first rodeo. Think info about it is in the link.

Run no over words needed
He's not what you want or need not your dd

Im so sorry he sounds abusive ,cruel and thoroughly repulsive!
I think you should take your own advice (that you would give to your DD ifshe experienced such treatment) and end it.
Actually its a really sensible test to apply : if someone treated someone you love and care about the way you are being treated ,what would i advice them to do?
Love and care about yourself enough to take your own advice.
Good luck and virtual hugs.

I understand your fear of revenge porn but that's illegal. It might be good to seek advice on this issue from a women's org.

Wishing you the best.

He’s just saying what he knows will hurt. And look it’s hit home. Stop letting him win. Why do you care? Your daughter is sexually active, she’s an adult, who cares. Don’t let him get to you.

Do get rid of him though.