He brang my daughter's sex life in an argument - feel sick - what to do?? Handhold please

[SavageStoneAge]

Need to vent somewhere as can't talk to family and friends as it is so disturbing / disgusting.

I have been with "D"P for 2 years. It has not been plain sailing. He has been abusive to me, mostly verbal but really vicious things.

I said, in desperation really, that if DD (who's 23) told me her boyfriend treated her like he treats me I would tell her to end it. Because he just couldn't see how the latest thing he had said, to upset me, was so nasty.

He replied saying if "I had a son I would also tell him to get the fuck out [if son was treated badly by someone like me] but I would be a good father and not go out and get drunk with my son and let him fuck like rabbits with 2 or 3 men in a month. Thank God I will never be a father and I won't leave another monster behind 👹, who doesn't have a sense of reality 🥰🫶"

I just feel absolutely sick. It is true I have gone out with DD and had a few drinks. But she is 23!!!! And he knew she split up with her long-term high-school boyfriend, dated someone else, then ended up with her current partner, who's lovely. But what is freaking me out is the way he references my daughter "fucking like a rabbit". It's just so abhorrent to me. He's met her, and they've been cordial. And all the while he has been secretly judging her.

Also implicitly calling me a monster and saying I am leaving behind another one (IE, my DD).
I don't know what to do now. Every time I look at DD I feel sick thinking about what he has said about her. I had mentioned her relationship changes in passing because we are very close; but not in any detail.

Please, I need help with how to proceed. I am shaken and devastated. I am seeing him in a totally new light.

Up your standards.

“I have been with "D"P for 2 years. It has not been plain sailing. He has been abusive to me, mostly verbal but really vicious things.”

No need to read any further.

How can you not know what to do?! You have had 2 years to know what to do.

Why would you need to do anything other than ditch him? Its not a relationship you have invested decades in with ties of children, marriage or joint owned home. You can simply get rid of this nightmare.

2 years in and it sounds like it has had more bad times than good. There is no happy ending here, where you enjoy the rest of your life with a good relationship together, just more of this shit if you choose it.

He's an abusive misogynistic arsehole and you need to end the relationship immediately.

If anybody spoke about my adult daughter like this, I'd block them and never speak to them again. Don't get upset, be really angry instead and be grateful that he's shown his true colours so you don't need to waste any more time on him.

If you cannot leave for your self, leave for your child. He is absolutely awful,

Why are you even considering staying with him? Get rid and up your standards

Right so presumably if you have an adult child and this is a young relationship, you aren't reliant on him in any meaningful way. So why are you choosing to stay in an abusive relationship with someone who repulses you? Just tell him to fuck off and don't bother engaging with him anymore. Also it's 'brought'.

He's a horrible pos. How dare he talk about your DD in such a way. Nomore of him please.

Because that's the thing to focus on in what OP has posted. 🙄

Obviously the only way to proceed is to dump this arsehole. You can't seriously enjoy him being in your life?

You do know what to do because you’ve said you’d give that advice to your daughter.
Why are you living in this misery? You aren’t trapped I assume, hopefully you have your own finances.
I have a friend who has recently gone back to an abusive partner.
The last time he went off on one I read his messages - he said I have done everything I can to hurt you and I’ve run out of ideas so it’s your children next, as that will really hurt.
Adult children, not his.
What he was threatening would have blown their worlds apart.
It was horrendous to see the messages were vile and violent.
And now after getting help to leave him the 8th time, she showed her family the messages, they were devastated and all of us were there to help her move out.
They are now renewing their vows and I have lost my friend.
Don’t be that woman. You get one precious life.

Oh bore off. Nobody thinks you're clever.

Hopefully you don't live with him and then it's as easy as blocking his number!

Repulsive that he even thinks about your daughter’s sex life. Count yourself lucky you don’t have children with this man and please leave.

My (stb)exH was equally as vile in how low he would stoop. He would apologise if I was lucky, then retract it in the same breath. He was never sorry and he was evil. I am so glad to be away from that misery.

It won’t change, so do what you need to do to get out.
Tell your friends and family - you have nothing to be ashamed of and you will be so overwhelmed by the support.
Do you live together? If not, change your locks and block him. Contact women’s aid and get some support. I’m sure he has destroyed your self esteem but you can get out of this!

Yes I’ll be honest this would make me feel sick too. It’s just really icky that he thinks of your daughter in this sexual, judgmental way. I couldn’t really see him in the same way anymore. He’s crossed the line there.

He's a grade A arsehole and you should
LTB
ASAP
HTH 💐

Done. He's an abusive piece of shit, kick him to the kerb.

“Lamelie · Today 11:31
“I have been with "D"P for 2 years. It has not been plain sailing. He has been abusive to me, mostly verbal but really vicious things.”
No need to read any further.”

Please end it, OP. This should have been over ages ago. He’s horrible.

He is now your ex partner.
Do you live with him?
I hope not. Just say, this was the end, bye bye. Abd if you live with him, get your things together to leave or chuck him out.
Life is too short for this type of thing!

I've reported.

There's always one 🙄

You’ve answered your own dilemma. If this was your daughter (or sister, mother, friend, etc) telling you she had been treated in such manner, what advice would you give her? Make sure you’re safe and get out ASAP. If you need help, do you have anyone around you that you can trust, and also seek professional advice/support if needed. Verbal abuse is still abuse and possibly the gateway for other types down the line. You owe yourself better x

I can't stand people who's only contribution to a post is to highlight someone's spelling/grammar mistake.
I see it often. Just one word posts containing the correct spelling or highlighting the incorrect one.
Does it make them feel better/smug/superior?
Arseholes

it is time to block this man and take some time out for yourself. he’s highly abusive

Hi everyone
Thank you so much for the posts.
I appreciate them all ❣️

When I read his messages I did block him immediately: on WhatsApp and on my phone. I even blocked him on Spotify.

I have even blocked him on Facebook although we weren't friends (my suspicion is that people might have warned me about him if they'd seen we were friends or I was appearing in pictures on his feed).

He had an Instagram but he said he deleted it, and it was gone from my friends list but I think he deactivated it. As has now messaged me on there.

He has also texted my mum which is horrible. He already had her number but he asked her to ask me to call him. So she sent a vague reply saying she'd pass the message on. I have asked her not to tell me if he messages her again and to just grey rock him.

I have belongings of mine at his and I have keys to his and I don't know how to return them. I sent him something in the post once, 1st class recorded and he "wasn't in" each time they tried to deliver it and then it was to a sorting centre literally 5 mins drive from his but he didn't collect it then he was saying it was my fault. I don't know any of his friends and he doesn't know mine so we do not have a go-between. Also I have 2 credit cards he gave me as he was always wanting me to be relying on him financially but I never used them. Anyway so I am scared to post. The only person I can think of is a beautician he knows who is the wife of his friends.

I don't want him saying he needs his keys and credit cards back. I don't think he will turn up to my door. He also said how much money he "wasted" on me and I don't want to feel like I owed him anything. I was always insist on going half's for meals out etc. but sometimes he would buy me a present e.g. a manicure or something and in the past when we have fallen out he'd suddenly demand money. E.g. he paid for a very expensive Uber trip then said he couldn't afford it. I think he juggles his credit cards a lottttt despite him also wanting me to be beholden to him e.g. he told me to quit my job and he would support me financially but then he had the option to pull the rug out.

Sorry for all the information in one big post I don't want to "drip feed".

Lastly I fear revenge porn.
Thank you