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Original poster

He brang my daughter's sex life in an argument - feel sick - what to do?? Handhold please

288 replies

SavageStoneAge · 15/10/2026 09:43

Need to vent somewhere as can't talk to family and friends as it is so disturbing / disgusting.

I have been with "D"P for 2 years. It has not been plain sailing. He has been abusive to me, mostly verbal but really vicious things.

I said, in desperation really, that if DD (who's 23) told me her boyfriend treated her like he treats me I would tell her to end it. Because he just couldn't see how the latest thing he had said, to upset me, was so nasty.

He replied saying if "I had a son I would also tell him to get the fuck out [if son was treated badly by someone like me] but I would be a good father and not go out and get drunk with my son and let him fuck like rabbits with 2 or 3 men in a month. Thank God I will never be a father and I won't leave another monster behind 👹, who doesn't have a sense of reality 🥰🫶"

I just feel absolutely sick. It is true I have gone out with DD and had a few drinks. But she is 23!!!! And he knew she split up with her long-term high-school boyfriend, dated someone else, then ended up with her current partner, who's lovely. But what is freaking me out is the way he references my daughter "fucking like a rabbit". It's just so abhorrent to me. He's met her, and they've been cordial. And all the while he has been secretly judging her.

Also implicitly calling me a monster and saying I am leaving behind another one (IE, my DD).
I don't know what to do now. Every time I look at DD I feel sick thinking about what he has said about her. I had mentioned her relationship changes in passing because we are very close; but not in any detail.

Please, I need help with how to proceed. I am shaken and devastated. I am seeing him in a totally new light.

OP posts:
HatAndScarf33 · 15/10/2026 10:32

Well take the advice you'd give to your own daughter if she was being treated this way and walk away.

It just doesn't have to be this way. There are men out there that will actually treasure and respect you, not abuse you. Bin him and find one! Or just be single and enjoy time with friends and family, there's more than one way to feel love and companionship in your life.

Scottishskifun · 15/10/2026 10:33

Beachtastic · 15/10/2026 10:30

I am seeing him in a totally new light.

Good, the scales have dropped from your eyes!

You know what to do, OP.

This with bells on!

CelticSilver · 15/10/2026 10:34

What do you mean you don't know what to do? You send him back to the Stone Age where he belongs.

Newsprint · 15/10/2026 10:34

So treat yourself with the care you would treat your daughter and end it? Take your own good advice. Be single for a while. Have therapy. Do the Freedom programme.

Harshreality · 15/10/2026 10:34

dontgiveafigso · 15/10/2026 09:57

You are choosing him and to be with him and stuck it out for two years. This is a choice you’re making. Sorry, but this is on you.

💯 this. Why are you still with an abusive vile man. This is on you, you've kept him in your daughter's life. Get rid

LakieLady · 15/10/2026 10:36

He sounds absolutely vile, and sexist with it.

Bin him off, asap.

Newname26 · 15/10/2026 10:36

Op you know you need to end it.

Are you living together?
Who's house is it?

luckylavender · 15/10/2026 10:37

What are you doing with this man? Run.

Oggysfavouritecockroach · 15/10/2026 10:39

"mostly verbal"?

Has there been physical abuse as well, OP?

KTheGrey · 15/10/2026 10:39

It's sort of touching that it's taken him being vile about your daughter to make you realise he's horrible to you. But it's also really grim.

He's never been nice to you from the sound of it.

You can do better - being on your own would be better than with a horrible man.

leperol · 15/10/2026 10:39

People like the OP need more help than Mumsnet can offer.

How many similar threads have I read over the years where the female partner gives a litany of abusive awful behaviour, is still with this man, knows it is an awful way to live, but find they cannot extricate themselves. Then they ask MN.

It's Women's Aid they should be asking. Sorry for the bluntness. Any man at any price is no way to live.

SpottyAlpaca · 15/10/2026 10:39

He doesn’t love you. He doesn’t care about you. He is a worthless abusive arsehole. Dump him.

malefields · 15/10/2026 10:40

He’s abusive and disgusting and you need to dump him yesterday.

But I also need to know if he used those specific emojis please 😭

Copperoliverbear · 15/10/2026 10:40

You know what to do. Pack his bags and block him. Throw him out today you are allowing your daughter and yourself to be abused. Stop it now.

AnonyMumAuDHD · 15/10/2026 10:44

I have been with "D"P for 2 years. It has not been plain sailing. He has been abusive to me, mostly verbal but really vicious things.

Didn’t need to read any further. End it now. All the other stuff simply confirms this is the right decision.

Duckyfondant · 15/10/2026 10:45

You basically told him you know you should end it and he's decided to make it easier for you. Because it is so obvious that it's over. Right?

BillieWiper · 15/10/2026 10:46

I'd just reply that yeah it's true if he had a child it'd probably be a monster if it took after him, that no woman would allow a vile being like him to impregnate them anyway, and fuck knows why he thinks that anything he's ever said or done makes him a potentially good father.

Then tell him to leave. And mean it.

He doesn't know anything about your daughter's private life and is just a misogynistic cunt who thinks shaming woman for having active sex lives is the ultimate soul destroying insult.

Imagine sleeping with two people consensually in a month. Wooo hoo! If that's taboo to him he must lead an extremely sheltered existence. Maybe he's the one with zero relationship with reality?

swimsong · 15/10/2026 10:46

Your relationship will only get worse from now on. Time to separate. He's the monster.

watchingthishtread · 15/10/2026 10:47

How to proceed? You break up with him. You need him out of your life. He's awful.

SabrinaBricklayer · 15/10/2026 10:48

He sounds awful doesn’t he? This is one to definitely throw back. I would never forgive someone talking about my child like that (no matter how old my child was). I would say staying with him is a betrayal of your dd.

YourOliveBalonz · 15/10/2026 10:51

He’s a misogynist, and it sounds like he’s done you a favour in bringing up your DD because you are already putting up with unacceptable behaviour directed at you. Perhaps now he’s displayed that unpleasantness about your DD it gives you enough of a nudge to dump him and want better for yourself.

Harrysmummy246 · 15/10/2026 10:52

SavageStoneAge · 15/10/2026 09:43

Need to vent somewhere as can't talk to family and friends as it is so disturbing / disgusting.

I have been with "D"P for 2 years. It has not been plain sailing. He has been abusive to me, mostly verbal but really vicious things.

I said, in desperation really, that if DD (who's 23) told me her boyfriend treated her like he treats me I would tell her to end it. Because he just couldn't see how the latest thing he had said, to upset me, was so nasty.

He replied saying if "I had a son I would also tell him to get the fuck out [if son was treated badly by someone like me] but I would be a good father and not go out and get drunk with my son and let him fuck like rabbits with 2 or 3 men in a month. Thank God I will never be a father and I won't leave another monster behind 👹, who doesn't have a sense of reality 🥰🫶"

I just feel absolutely sick. It is true I have gone out with DD and had a few drinks. But she is 23!!!! And he knew she split up with her long-term high-school boyfriend, dated someone else, then ended up with her current partner, who's lovely. But what is freaking me out is the way he references my daughter "fucking like a rabbit". It's just so abhorrent to me. He's met her, and they've been cordial. And all the while he has been secretly judging her.

Also implicitly calling me a monster and saying I am leaving behind another one (IE, my DD).
I don't know what to do now. Every time I look at DD I feel sick thinking about what he has said about her. I had mentioned her relationship changes in passing because we are very close; but not in any detail.

Please, I need help with how to proceed. I am shaken and devastated. I am seeing him in a totally new light.

I think you know how to proceed at this point, you just need reassurance having been in this abusive relationship, that you are thinking straight etc

SweetnsourNZ · 15/10/2026 10:55

OMG. You know what you have to do. Get rid. Now. Forbyour sake and your daughter's. You should have left ages ago when the first abuse happened.

ElmBeechOak · 15/10/2026 10:57

I don’t generally say LTB. But this is a clear case of LTB. He’s abusive and it’s only going to get worse.

This is from the NHS website:

//ways to get support:

The Survivor's Handbook from the charity Women's Aid is free and provides information for women on a wide range of issues, such as housing, money, helping your children and your legal rights.//
https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/getting-help-for-domestic-violence/

There is a list of signs of domestic abuse on that page.

Homepage - National Domestic Abuse Helpline

Are you experiencing domestic abuse? You are not alone. Find out how the National Domestic Abuse helpline can support you.

https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/

TheLastSilverSaint · 15/10/2026 10:57

You know full well he's abusive. Why are you still with him? He's a horrible cunt who makes you unhappy.

You've only been seeing this man for two years. He isn't the father of your kids. You're not married. You're not tied to him. You don't really have a reason to stay with him, so why are you still there?

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