Ive just found out im pregnant by my eldest’s dad and I dont know what to do

[Weirdin]

I honestly dont know what to do with this and feel a bit stupid even typing it out. ive got 2 boys, 17 and 3, different dads, and ive just found out im pregnant again.

Me and my eldest’s dad split up when our son was 10. We just werent working as a couple anymore but we’ve always got on really well since. He’s a brilliant dad and we’ve never had the sort of messy breakup where you hate each other and argue over everything. We still help each other out and speak most days.

My youngest’s dad was abusive and that relationship was a whole different thing. It’s over now but it was a horrible time and my eldest’s dad honestly helped me so much through it. He’d have my eldest extra, bring shopping round, help me sort things out when I was struggling. He never made me feel like I owed him anything for it either. I know some people think our relationship is weird but we’ve always just been close.

Anyway my eldest had been away and his dad came round. We had a couple of drinks and ended up sat talking for hours like we used to. One thing led to another and we slept together. It wasnt planned and we havent really spoken about it properly since. We’ve both been acting fairly normal but I feel like there’s this massive thing sitting between us now.

I did a test yesterday because my period was late and its positive. Ive done another one this morning and thats positive too. I actually feel sick thinking about telling him. I know he’s a good dad and wouldnt abandon a child but I have no idea what he’d think about having another baby with me after all this time.

The thing is I dont even know how I feel about him now. I thought we were just friends and I definitely wasnt planning on getting pregnant again. But part of me keeps thinking about whether we could have worked if we’d tried again years ago. Then I feel daft because we’ve both had other relationships and we’ve been apart for ages.

I havent told anyone yet, not even him. I dont want to mess up the friendship we’ve got because he’s been one of the few people I can properly rely on. But I cant exactly keep this to myself for long.

Would you tell him straight away? And am I being ridiculous for wondering if this could turn into something more, or am I getting ahead of myself completely?

You just need to talk to him! You seem to have both grown up since the split. I wouldn't rule anything out but do make a joint decision about what happens next

Oh for goodness sakes 🙄🙄
So nobody on here has ever made a mistake or had unprotected sex ever other than OP?!
She's come on here for advice and support moving forwards, not to be chastised and given great advice in hindsight!

You are being clear and considered about everything.

you are getting a rough ride and some not so good advice from people who clearly live in cuckoo cloud land.

You don’t have easy choices here but every post shines through what a decent man he is. Bite the bullet & talk it through.

as for people saying the youngest will feel left out/the oldest will resent it etc. its your job as parents to ensure they don’t feel like that, you both sound like you are good parents and have put the kids first at all times so I don’t think you have any issues there.

suspect he is going to feel the same as you, he has stepped up to look after you & the youngest to get you away from an abusive relationship & still stayed closed/got involved with your youngest. Don’t be too worried about what he will say.

No excuse for not getting MAP though.

OP I fear that you are pinning your hopes on getting back with him.

If he wanted that, he would have said so by now. He doesn't want a relationship. He may regret the sex or he may just chalk up to a moment that got out of hand but nothing you have said indicates that he's interested in a relationship with you.

I think you are going to be very disappointed.

Congratulations, decide about the baby first then tell him. You can do this on your own if you need to, that’s clear already.

It sounds like he is a really decent guy. Your head and hormones will be all over the place. I would tell him and go from there 💐

But don't people say sorry if they've said something to offend an OP?

It's polite, but kind of unnecessary as you say. And people aren't REALLY sorry if they say ... sorry, but .....

It's not a nice story at all! She has two kids with VERY wide age gaps (I'm completely against big age gaps between children). Now, if she has this baby, there's going to be a poor middle child who has a different dad whilst both his older AND younger siblings have the same one- how is he supposed to explain that? That poor lad! It all sounds trashy and very Jeremy Kyle to me!

@Missxxx I have three kids - two with my first husband and one with my second. First marriage I left due to coercive control.
So my three are 19, 16 and 6 and no regrets here whatsoever. Our little girl is adored by her two much older brothers, and I am so happy that my husband finally got to become a biological father (daughter is his first and last).
Wouldn't change a thing.

Wow. Trashy? What A vile comment to a woman who is seeking support in early pregnancy…

Children, unlike some of the uptight weirdos on this thread, don’t care about a picture perfect family. They care about having good parents who love them. OP’s account is that ex has proved he’s a good and reliable dad. That is more than many, many children have.

Big age gaps are fine - have them in my family and my parents’ families. Everyone will have different experiences but all worked extremely well for us.

Honestly reading your posts OP you come across level headed and it also sounds like there were quite a few stressful factors in your initial split up.

But your not going to know if your ex is on the same page or thinking until you talk to him.
Your just going to have to ask him over to talk and be honest. It doesn't sound like you regret your night together but I think you need to explain about the pregnancy.
Be prepared to go it alone with a newborn should you wish to continue and look at your finances too.

If you do go ahead and he wants to try again take it slowly for a while, keep separate houses etc.

How are you OP? I read your thread the other day and have been thinking about you since. Hope you’ve got your head around it all now x

Well lets put it this way, it's going to be quite hard to hide it, and when he does notice i'm not sure the 'oh yeah i forgot to tell you we're pregnant' is going to sit well with him. Just be honest, if you get on well then he'll support you, whether that relights you're fire for him, who knows, but tell him and take it from there...

What have you decided OP?
Hope you're okay.

Did you tell him?

Termination has it's place in certain situations, but sadly it increasingly seems to be seen as an acceptable form of birth control nowadays, especially on here.

Termination has it's place in certain any situations that a woman needs , but sadly it increasingly seems to be seen as an acceptable form of birth control reason to judge women nowadays, especially on here.

Another womans body and what SHE wants or needs to do with is 💯% not your business

No, PP was correct

Hey good luck with everything.... just womdered if you told him and if theres an update x

Weirdin

I really hope you will decide what you want and then tell the father.

I don't think this needs to have a negative effect on any of the children. My friend has four kids by three dads. All the kids are loved and cared for by their mum, their siblings abndwider family. They all have close relationships despite different dads.

I don't think this has to be a bad thing family wise. Whether your ex wants to get together or not may be up in the air but he can certainly be a dad to the baby.

I think it's a bit late for that sort of comment isn't it? OP is pregnant. She now needs to deal with it. It's an awful situation for her to be in.

Ok rational mind : you are both adults . You tell him , he is his child too and I assume he didn’t put a condom on . Step 2 : you decide what you want to do . You keep it by stay split up, try again to be togheter ( sometimes being older can give you a different perspective) , terminate .
I think that’s what I would do .

totally not rational and just my heart talking : you tell him , he is happy , you keep the baby and you get togheter again and live happily ever after. It’ll be such a beautiful story 😍

@Weirdin

Did you decide what to do?

Hoping all is well.