Asking to be exclusive after 2 dates?

[Heyandheytoday]

He seems too good to be true.

Unspeakably handsome. Funny. Intelligent. Has his life together. Warm. Great in bed.

He told me before we met up for the first time that he doesn’t do casual, and he hopes this isn’t that. That’s after speaking for a while before meeting.

I thought this may be a sign of love bombing? He kept saying how he couldn’t believe I was available, how amazing I look, etc etc.

Met up for a walk. Then we had our first date. And then second date (had sex). He has gone away for the week now to Singapore for work and says he’s so happy, and really wants to talk about something properly when he’s back. And says he can’t wait (in an excited way).

Do you think he is going to ask for exclusivity? I mean, I am unofficially giving him that. Not because I feel I must but I just can’t entertain anyone else with him on the mind. He’s lush.

Is it a red flag that/if he wants to move things so quickly?

He seems to genuinely think I am too good to be true. Which is incredibly odd because I think the same about him.

He is like a male version of me, looks aside. He doesn’t just mirror. I’ve mentioned stuff and he’s said he likes the same, and there’s been examples of that happening where he either shows me that thing there and then or shows me on his phone pics of him doing that! So wouldn’t have had time to pretend he likes it etc

Because I don’t want to do just that? My marriage was over for years before it officially ended. No sex, separate bedrooms. The list goes on.

I spent a good year completely alone but I was alone before that due to living separately anyway towards the end

I know what I’m like as a woman. I have been through a lot. Time to start doing what I want to again (and I don’t believe me dating like this isn’t thinking of my children)

I want a love life

Why the inverted commas? I’m interested to know why you think I’m not focusing on my children by the tone of your post

Yes, I was quite giddy and started a thread about the exclusive thing. As we’ve discussed on this thread, who knows what’ll happen

If he doesn’t ask that question the. Wonder what he does want

plus

if he doesn’t then how will you feel

hopefully he will

I didn’t think I would be worth it. He’s 37. I am 29. I am divorced, 2 kids. Nice to look at and warm/friendly but not much else is going on and I am really quite bland in lifestyle compared to him

Sorry to say this, OP, but you sound as if you think you're bringing nothing to this budding relationship; you also sound very eager to be impressed by this bloke and grateful that he's chosen you to date.

Not sure why people are so worried OP, if it doesn't work out I'm sure you'll survive. Just enjoy the ride and time will tell.

What’s his relationship history?

He may be sincere, OP, but that doesn't mean he knows himself. Repeating - he is head over heels; he loves that feeling - who doesn't? Doesn't mean he's a good long-term bet.
But all your posts tell me you don't want to hear the warnings. One day in the future, If he walks out when you're least expecting it, do pick yourself up and realise it was nothing to do with you.

I do want to hear the warnings. I’m trying to be neutral and answer questions as they come

Again, too good to be true usually is. But I will have to wait and see I think

I hate the term ‘failed relationship’. Just because something doesn’t last doesn’t make it a failing- we learn from every experience. I’ve had several relationships after my marriage that didn’t last, but I’m grateful for everything they taught me, and most of all for them teaching me what I do and don’t deserve in a relationship.

OP, you’ve met someone you connected with- people can give you all the advice in the world but it will only be what it will be. You’ll be hurt if he turns out to be a clown, and you’ll be over the moon if he turns out to be legit. Keep yourself and your children safe until he’s proven that he deserves a settled place in your lives, and enjoy it for however long it lasts. Life is short 🤷🏻‍♀️

F

A lot depends on his acceptance that you come in a package of 3. Are the children with you full time?

Keep the pace slow and fun for now.

They arent worried for her, they are jealous that a guy is so into her and disgusted that she doesn't feel ashamed that her marriage didnt work out. Just normal internalised misogyny

I suppose a question you need to ask yourself is whether you want more kids because it sounds like he wants to have kids.
So is he of Asian culture given who you say he looks like? That could be something else to be wary of if the intention is to make you a housewife and child rearer - especially if you look at his ex partners reason for splitting up with him.

He could be genuine and the love of your life. He could be a fake and destroy your life.

For me, the biggest red flag would be if he wants to isolate you from friends, family and your usual interests. See him in different contexts - with your family and friends, with his, in stressed situations, when you want to do something together that he doesn't fancy doing, when you have to let him down (e.g. if you need to cancel cos your children or a close friend/family member need you).

I think you’re coming across as quite level headed OP. You’re very aware this could be love bombing and you’re doing all you can to protect your children. Safeguard that feeling and intuition for as long as you possibly can until you are settled and safe in the knowledge you do actually know him.

In the meantime, it is also ok to enjoy it too!

Agree completely with this. It's not normal to say you want to 'talk' to someone in 10 days about something, when you've met them twice. It's a control thing. You're meant to be thinking about it all the time. Or posting about it on NN. It seems to have worked too.
I would just back off a bit and see how it goes.

@Heyandheytoday you can put in a Claires law check on him if you even slightly feel there may be something you feel unsettled about and then you can tell quickly if its worth your investment or not

@Bellisma

she can focus on all of those as well as her love life. Hth.

A lot of people on here seem to think OP shouldn’t have a relationship until her kids have moved out! That as a mother who has separated from the father of her kids she has forfeited her right to be in a relationship or date now.

Just wanted to add something positive. Not all men who move quick are love bombing. Some are genuine. When I met my now husband we decided to take it slow. Waited 6 weeks before doing the deed but fell pregnant first time. We got together, moved in together, had an awful pregnancy and had baby in the space of 9 months (Son came early). 22 months later our 2nd son came along. And a little after that we married. We've been together 15years this coming March and married for 10yrs next month. In those first 4 years we went through everything a couple could- redundancy, bereavement, family illness, near death experience etc. He is my person 100%.

Also my friend met her partner online the month after me- they are also still together with 1 child and married 10yrs.

Sometimes you just know early on that they are for you. I wish you all the best ❤️

100% agree.
you have to be very careful of this ‘sweeping you off your feet’ that some men do, to reel you in… especially when you’re a mother!
please do Claire’s law and Sarah’s law on him and check he doesn’t have any convictions.
Also whether he’s the nicest guy or not set yourself some boundaries and keep reminding yourself of them… like he doesn’t meet your kids for a set amount of time, can’t move in, that sort of thing…
keep an eye on the nice ness…. I mean we are all on our best behaviour at the start of relationships, but watch for the ‘it was JUST’ a joke, or the ‘you’re too sensitive’ type comments creeping in!’
my ex abuser used to mostly compliment me and tell me I was too good for him etc… but this turned into coercive behaviour and before not too long he made me feel guilty about going out with friends because he felt I was too good and would meet someone se… so I always felt guilty about leaving him feeling so jealous and insecure 🙄 he really played on me being an empath, and knew he’d ruin my enjoyment of getting ready etc…. In the end it was easier not to go out … so just look for the signs and don’t be afraid to walk away… don’t tell him too much so if it does go south he can’t stalk you!