Asking to be exclusive after 2 dates?

[Heyandheytoday]

He seems too good to be true.

Unspeakably handsome. Funny. Intelligent. Has his life together. Warm. Great in bed.

He told me before we met up for the first time that he doesn’t do casual, and he hopes this isn’t that. That’s after speaking for a while before meeting.

I thought this may be a sign of love bombing? He kept saying how he couldn’t believe I was available, how amazing I look, etc etc.

Met up for a walk. Then we had our first date. And then second date (had sex). He has gone away for the week now to Singapore for work and says he’s so happy, and really wants to talk about something properly when he’s back. And says he can’t wait (in an excited way).

Do you think he is going to ask for exclusivity? I mean, I am unofficially giving him that. Not because I feel I must but I just can’t entertain anyone else with him on the mind. He’s lush.

Is it a red flag that/if he wants to move things so quickly?

He seems to genuinely think I am too good to be true. Which is incredibly odd because I think the same about him.

He is like a male version of me, looks aside. He doesn’t just mirror. I’ve mentioned stuff and he’s said he likes the same, and there’s been examples of that happening where he either shows me that thing there and then or shows me on his phone pics of him doing that! So wouldn’t have had time to pretend he likes it etc

Is that a relationship metaphor? A few years ago I had a vintage Morris Traveller and used to cheat on it with a nippy little red convertible. Make of that what you will ;-)

It sounds good to me, it also sounds like you would like this to move on to exclusive. I've been with DP 2.5 years, on the second date we talked about how we both felt there was a good vibe, and I didn't want to look for anyone else. Turned out all good, though it's always a good idea to look out for love-bombing.

Great perspective

"He told me on the actual second date that he doesn’t do casual sex".

But he did - with you. 😐

Hope all goes well!

In doing so he was implying ‘she was different’ - the exception to the rule.

Hope all goes well Monday OP and he doesn’t turn out to be a turd.

Why?

because women his own age wouldn’t fall for any of this nonsense.

‘I don’t do casual sex’ followed immediately by casual sex , and all he had to do was say you’re the only one for him forever.

middle aged men go for young women for two reasons - one is their youth, and the other is there naivety.

currently, you are having casual sex with him. Which is fine if both parties are on the same page. However, you are on the page of ‘it’s not casual sex, it’s true love’ and you have absolutely no idea whatsoever at this stage - as words are easy - whether he is on the same page, or rubbing his hands with glee at how easy getting sex was.

@Heyandheytoday

I understand your excitement and I do hope he's all you want him to be. BUT (sigh, isn't there always a 'but'?) you need to bring yourself down to earth.

No one is usually all they seem to be at the beginning, so it's usually good to keep a pretty healthy dose of skepticism for a while.

I think I'd be curious as to why he's never married or had a long term live in relationship. It's not an absolute red flag though, not every man who hasn't married/partnered up by their mid 30s has 'something wrong with them' or is a 'predator'. My DS2 is very shy and met his partner at 34, so it could be that.

But I'd be a bit leery of a man who has had a series of relationships by age 37. It could be a fault in him or it could be that he has unreal expectations of a partner. Or that he wears his heart on his sleeve and falls out of love as quickly as he falls in.

My concern for you is that you seem to be falling head over heels, something I was wont to do in my younger years. I really didn't have control over my heart (or head) the way I should have and it led to some disasters. Do you feel you have the ability to take a step back (emotionally) and view him with a healthy dose of 'prove it'? You need to give him time (like months) to prove he is who he says he is. And this is important, you need to be able to trust yourself not to ignore or explain away things that may puzzle you or don't make sense about him. And of course, any red flags.

Here's a big one.....someone who pushes too hard or too early for absolute exclusivity. You can say "Right now, I'm with you" without promising 'forever'.

Again, I hope he's all he seems to be. Just keep in the back of your mind that he may not be.

He hasn't actually said he wants to be exclusive yet?
Appears that you may be the one moving things too quickly in your mind? I'd just wait and see what he actually wants to talk about before running away with it

middle aged men go for young women for two reasons - one is their youth, and the other is there naivety.

He's in his 30s.

I’m 51 and described myself a few days ago to my dd as middle aged, and my dd (thanks dd) pointed out that with life expectancy at 80years old (I think it’s even younger for men) - a twenty year ‘middle age’ is 30 to 50 and a ten year middle age is 35-45. Which is a scary thought, but it is in the middle.

Well outside of your daughter, the vast majority for not regard someone in their thirties as “middle age”

I very much hope he is as good as he seems, but if he is it won't hurt to wait a while, just take it gently (as everyone else says, sorry). Good luck

It's good that you have checked out whether the trip is legit. It doesn't mean that he isn't talking (or more) to other people or, like many people who are actively dating, even single.

Many many men will say anything in the early days. The fact that he said he doesn't do casual then did exactly that is a red flag. Keep a note for anything else said, often times men will not be able to keep up with all the facade and lying. But, worse case, there are men who are very good at it. Especially those who seem to be too good to be true!

So it’s Monday evening - did you see him this afternoon @Heyandheytoday. What happened

Yes @Heyandheytoday how was the date?

Did you meet up?

Assuming OP hasn’t reported back because yesterday’s meeting:
a) didn’t go well
b) didn’t happen
c) went so well she’s still up in the clouds

Well has to be one of those 😉

They are still in bed ❤️

😍

Really, really didn’t want to write this post but I will admit… he’s ghosted me.

Met up Monday. Lovely time. Said he’d never felt so comfortable with anyone. How amazing I am. How hot. How utterly delightful I am (he is incredibly well spoken and this phrase did give me a bit of a cringe! Thankfully).

Said this was it. We aren’t seeing anyone else, right? Had sex a few more times. Amazing in bed. He really was.

Now nothing. Last message left on read almost 24 hours ago. I know people will say that’s normal but he’s usually texting me nonsense non stop about how he can’t wait for this and that, how he thinks about me, how amazing it all is to find me.

Think he is gone. What I don’t get is why the need to have love bombed and then disappeared? Like what was the need? He knew sex was important to me, he really didn’t ’have To do all that’ extra waffle. Why did he do that? What was the need? I was already going to sleep with him and had.

Sigh. Never mind. Just got a new delivery of 400 thread count sheets and a new bed on the way. I’ll just take comfort to know that bed is remaining mine and mine alone

Because it’s what these game playing types do. He will probably pop up in a weeks time with some grand drama of why he’s been gone, and want to start it all up it again. They get off on this process, that’s really all it is about for them.

Anyone who lays it on so thickly is love bombing. It’s all empty words and part of their game playing. Hopefully though you will recognise this instantly the next time, and you won’t get sucked in by it.

But all this is about his ego, what’s why they do it.

there will be someone else. Block him now