Asking to be exclusive after 2 dates?

[Heyandheytoday]

He seems too good to be true.

Unspeakably handsome. Funny. Intelligent. Has his life together. Warm. Great in bed.

He told me before we met up for the first time that he doesn’t do casual, and he hopes this isn’t that. That’s after speaking for a while before meeting.

I thought this may be a sign of love bombing? He kept saying how he couldn’t believe I was available, how amazing I look, etc etc.

Met up for a walk. Then we had our first date. And then second date (had sex). He has gone away for the week now to Singapore for work and says he’s so happy, and really wants to talk about something properly when he’s back. And says he can’t wait (in an excited way).

Do you think he is going to ask for exclusivity? I mean, I am unofficially giving him that. Not because I feel I must but I just can’t entertain anyone else with him on the mind. He’s lush.

Is it a red flag that/if he wants to move things so quickly?

He seems to genuinely think I am too good to be true. Which is incredibly odd because I think the same about him.

He is like a male version of me, looks aside. He doesn’t just mirror. I’ve mentioned stuff and he’s said he likes the same, and there’s been examples of that happening where he either shows me that thing there and then or shows me on his phone pics of him doing that! So wouldn’t have had time to pretend he likes it etc

It’s so strange. The coldness in his entire body when he said goodbye. Despite still smiling, it was like the person on the first date I met didn’t exist anymore 😔 like he had been switched with an unfeeling twin? I can’t describe it

Makes me feel like that version of him has been taken and being held hostage. I miss it, who that felt like it was! The reality is so different it feels like it was a double act or something

Again, lessons have been learned by me here. Too good to be true is too good to be true!

Normally 24 hours doesn’t count as ghosting, have you texted him?

Oh OP - I'm so sorry. He's been obviously a pathetic scumbag and you're better off without him blah blah, but it still stings when it happens.

I know it's a cliche and I sound like my mother, her mother, and no doubt her mother before her, but the old saying 'why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free' really is so true. It does men no harm to keep them at arm's length for a good while until you get the measure of them. The mask does tend to slip if he's a toe rag, even with the most practised of love bombers, and at that point you've still protected your wee heart.

When you're ready to date again, use this experience to sift the wheat from the chaff. Make him chase you and pull out all the stops for your dates. If a man is really interested he'll let you know by his deeds as well as his words. Anything less is not worthy of your time.

Feck. Sorry to hear the news. The sudden coldness sounds grim. Maybe he needed to top up his recreational drug of choice? It would account for the dual nature of his personality.

Thank goodness he showed his true colours before you got any more emotionally involved with him. Brush yourself down and hold your head up high OP.

Is he a gynaecologist? Does he look like this?

Thank you

We literally live like 10/15 mins apart. I am really worried about seeing him in public, if I ever do. I will feel so embarrassed 😞

@Heyandheytoday YOU have nothing to be embarrassed about. He has. Slimey git.

OP, he sounds absolutely fucking awful. Like some up-himself posh twat who thinks it's fun to toy with single mums. I bet he's a right old narc who thinks he's better than all women.

As for saying, on hearing your kids ages, "Oh I suppose one can at least do something for herself" WTF? That doesn't even make any sense. What a weirdo. Has he never heard of the concept of a single parent? Sounds suspiciously like a neg to me. Is he saying that you parenting alone is the only thing you can do for yourself? Meaning that he thinks you're useless? Sod him! I'd rather live in a nunnery for the rest of my life than date someone who sounds like him, and I don't care how good-looking or good in bed he is. I expect he became good in bed by being a cad and shagging anything that moves. The best men I've had in bed were the best for a reason.

Love bombing is never, ever, EVER good news. Normal, stable men who are good relationship material act....normally. They don't go around sounding like a Mills and Boon novel. 🤮

The ONLY way to protect ourselves in relationships is to take things slowly. Any game players or narcs will soon be off.

Chalk it up to experience and be glad you had some great sex. It's more than many of us are getting! 😁

You have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about. He is not worth any more of your time or attention so don’t let him affect you any further. 💐

Don't - you have nothing tobe embarrassed about! He, on the other hand, should be ashamed of himself.

Practise your 'I have never seen you before' face in case you ever do see the twat again.

Or just smirk as you pass so he will wonder what you are thinking about

You are tying yourself into knots trying to understand him.

” why does he lay it on thick when id have had sex with him anyway ? “
“ why had he forgotten what my job is of that I have kids ? “.

This is his script,it’s how he always acts with women. He doesn’t rewrite it each time or adapt it for a new victim, it’s the same every time. That’s why these guys always text with something like “ darling “ or “ sexy “. It’s so they don’t get the names mixed up.

Run. Now.

I agree you have no need to be embarrassed OP. You had your doubts about buying into all his speil and you haven't gone chasing him since. Chalk it up as a fling with decent sex and don't let your guard down if he pops up in 2 weeks saying his mum was in hospital or his dog ate his phone or anything else because that cold side was real.

@Heyandheytoday he said "one can do something for herself"?

WTF does that mean? It sounds like an incredibly misoginistic comment to me unless I'm taking it the wrong way 🤔

I think you are, it mean the child is old enough to do something foe themselves and doesn’t need full on care.

Thanks for explaining it to me, but that's for the mum to decide if he needs care or not, sounds like he wants to get rid of the kid 😳

@Heyandheytoday

As for saying, on hearing your kids ages, "Oh I suppose one can at least do something for herself" WTF? That doesn't even make any sense

A PP said this, but I do think it makes sense. It makes sense if the reason he's gone so cold is that he's decided that someone with young children isn't for him. And I expect that's what's happened. He's just too much of a coward to admit it to you. Not dating someone with children is a valid choice (one I made for myself in my younger years), but at least have the courage to be honest about it and tell the single parent the truth!

If I'm right, thank your lucky stars that he walked away. You could have found yourself in the middle of the worst kind of 'tug o war'. You would have chosen your children in the end of course, but it usually causes merry hell in the meantime.

And don't worry about seeing him when you're out and about. Chances are if he sees you he'll scuttle off in a hurry to avoid you.

Thanks for all the support

Just in case anyone was interested still, no, he never messaged again

What was the last thing you texted him?

It's not you OP, he's toyed with you and you've dodged a bullet.

Onwards and upwards, if something is too good to be true then it usually is the case.

I just can’t understand the mentality of men like this. It must take so much effort to keep repeating the process and what do they get out of it apart from possibly a sick sense of triumph? I’d say they must have some kind of personality disorder but there seem to be so many (from what I read on MN anyway). They probably aren’t capable of maintaining a healthy relationship so they are the losers in the long term.

You have conducted yourself with dignity OP, so I hope you have moved on and aren’t still dwelling on that twat 💐

im sorry he was a disappointment, so many of them are. But it will all lead you to where you’re meant to be. Keep the faith, and don’t lose your belief in romance x

Sounds like a right player, just cherry-picking women, love-bombing them until he finds out their situation, sleeps with them then disappears. In your head you just pretend that you used him & now you're not interested.