When an obsessive, controlling, and accusing partner is faced with the end of a relationship, the risk of escalation is high because they are fighting a loss of control. Stalking and harassment at this stage are common tactics used to regain power. 1, 2, 3]
1. Secure Your Communications and Devices
Obsessive individuals frequently use technology to monitor, locate, and intimidate their victims. 1, 2]
- Audit for Tracking Devices: Check your car, bags, and clothing for hidden tracking devices like Apple AirTags or Tile trackers. 1, 2]
- Secure Your Accounts: Change passwords, PINs, and security questions for your email, banking, and social media accounts. Use a secure device (like a library computer or a friend’s phone) to do this if you suspect your device has spyware. 1, 2]
- Mute, Do Not Block: If you feel safe doing so, mute their notifications rather than blocking them entirely. Blocking can cause an obsessive stalker to change tactics or show up in person. Muting allows you to preserve evidence without being constantly disrupted by alerts. 1, 2]
- Hide Your Location: Turn off location services on all apps. If you must call them, dial 141 (in the UK) before their number to hide your caller ID. 1]
2. Strict No-Contact Policy
- Do Not Engage: Do not respond to messages, calls, or accusations, even to say "leave me alone." Any response—even a negative one—signals to the stalker that their behavior successfully gained your attention. 1]
- Prepare Your Network: Instruct family, friends, neighbors, and coworkers not to share information about your location, routine, or well-being with him under any circumstances. 1]
3. Build an Evidence Log
To secure legal protection, you need to prove a pattern of behavior (a "course of conduct"). 1, 2, 3]
- Keep a Detailed Diary: Document every incident with the date, time, what happened, and how it made you feel.
- Preserve Everything: Save screenshots of texts, call logs, emails, and social media interactions. Do not delete anything, even if it is distressing.
- Take Photos: Document any property damage, unwanted gifts left at your door, or physical presence near your home or workplace. 1, 2, 3, 4]
4. Create a Physical Safety Plan
- Vary Your Routine: Change your commute times, the routes you take to work or school, and the places you shop or socialize so your movements are unpredictable.
- Inform Your Workplace: Tell your employer or HR department about the situation. Many companies have domestic abuse and stalking policies to help secure your workplace, monitor visitor access, or alter your public-facing work patterns.
- Home Security: Ensure doors and windows are locked. If possible, install a video doorbell or security cameras.
- Keep Your New Address Private: Ensure your address is omitted or redacted from public records, voter registries, or any court and financial documents sent to your ex-partner. 1, 2, 3]
5. Access Professional and Legal Support
You do not have to navigate this alone. Specialist organizations can help you draft safety plans and navigate legal protections, such as Stalking Protection Orders (SPOs) or restraining orders. 1, 2]
OrganizationContact Details
United Kingdom
National Stalking Helpline (Suzy Lamplugh Trust)
tel:0808 802 0300 0808 802 0300
United Kingdom
National Domestic Abuse Helpline (Refuge)
tel:0808 2000 247 0808 2000 247
United Kingdom
Women's Aid
Live Chat