Date tried to put a hood on me during sex

[solosunflowers]

I've been trying to date and honestly not had the best time so far.

I don't get a lot of free time because I'm a solo parent to my son.
So I went on a date recently. It was a low pressure walk (my suggestion). It went really well and we hit it off a lot better than expected. The only thing was that he made reference to being interested in the D/s dynamic. Can't remember how the conversation came up. I didn't make much of it because that is something I can enjoy, but didn't want to discuss at that point.

So second date we were at his house. He kisses me and things get heated. We're about to have sex and he gets about a hood to put over my head. Apparently one of his fantasies. I said no.

This doesn't sound like a man who's looking for a relationship, right?

I'm not seeing him again!
It's been playing on my mind, that's all. And reflecting on myself.

When you say he spoke to you on the walk about D/s was that a dom/sub thing? And how did that conversation go? I'm just wondering if he thought it was something you were into?

Either way, I can completely understand why it would've shaken you for the hood to come out on a first time with him.

Also, that's quite a full on thing to even get brought up on a first date walk together. Surely?

Different people are into different things.

I'm glad that he put it away as soon as you made clear it was a no.

People can have all sorts of sex in relationships, we just don't know what's going on in other people's houses. No hoods here but it'll float some people's boats. Not yours though so as someone else put it you're not sexually compatable.

As a side note, I don't think being from a well respected farming family has any impact on what sexual fantasies or preferences that person would have.

Anyone who actually understands and frequently practices a D/s relationship would have discussed wishes, boundaries etc beforehand. He just sounds like a horrible chancer.

@solosunflowers it sounds like you dodged a bullet here, well done. I wanted to add that it is really tricky with online dating as there is usually an expectation of sex on date 3. I got caught out on date 2 recently as he offered to cook, which sounded nice, but one thing led to another, I was in the mood etc but he was so rough it was painful so I got up and walked out. In future, I won't be going to a man's home before I'm ready and I'm going to try to leave it until I know they're relationship material. Sex for sex sake isn't bad but the experience made me realise how vulnerable women are during sex and my friends said that I was lucky to get out of that. No wonder there are so many more men than women on online dating websites and many women avoid them!

I hope that you’re ok OP.

I’m in my forties and OLD, really think that the availability of and extreme content of pornography has ruined sex for a lot of women.

He's a cheapskate loser who is too entitled to pay a pro who knows what she's on about.
He wasn't from Fab, was he? Site's full of these creeps. However, it's more logical if he was.

I worded it badly about his family.
I suppose, what I meant, is that it gave me a false sense of security that he could be trusted.

It's making me wonder about dating at all because my judgement is clearly very poor.

That would seriously freak me out.

OP, I know this is an unpopular opinion with some, but what kind of man do you think enjoys doing that or hurting women during sex? Sex is not as divorced from men's inner opinions about women as a lot of women would like to think. Be careful.

Precisely.

Ah yes, he's mentioned Fab at some point. Said a colleague suggested that he join, although it wasn't for him. Probably on Fet, too.

Sorry posted in wrong thread

Well no, he could equally find a like-minded adult and agree the parameters of sex beforehand. But he didn't. He just decided to chance his arm without discussion and that's a massive red flag.

Good on you. I'm much older than you and grew up reading Nancy Friday "My secret garden". It's about women sexual fantasies not really wanting to make the fantasy into reality.

Er wrong thread?

online porn has a lot to answer for. A lot of young boys/men will have developed these "preferences" before they have ever had sex with an actual person.

What does his family reputation have to do with the price of cheese?

He’s dangerous. Consent and conversation is key. Clare’s law if you even need to think about this guy further.

Block and block again.

The only thing was that he made reference to being interested in the D/s dynamic.

Red flag #1. He said this at your first meetup while on a walk.

So second date we were at his house.

Giant red flag. You went to his house for sex after meeting one time where he mentioned D/S.

You ignored big red flags in hope of having a relationship.

You're being awfully cavalier with your personal safety especially considering you're the only parent to your child. Your child could have lost his mom because of your poor risk assessment and ignoring red flags.

Research dating and personal safety. Get therapy for your poor self esteem.

Tbh that would terrify me, unless it was something you'd openly discussed beforehand.

🤮 total creepy weirdo !! Dump. Block. Run !
and don’t go to men’s homes for a second date

Exactly my thoughts.

There are men into BDSM, and there are men who say they are into BDSM but just mean that they want to be shitty towards their partners.

Was just going to say this. One of my friends is into it and posts a lot about it. She says consent is a huge part of it.

He needs enthusiastic consent - it it doesn’t happen.

This!

I was by no means a ‘no sex until marriage’ brigade but sex on the second date when you’re looking for a relationship not a ONS? Why?

You're spot on. I was desperate and ignored red flags looking for a relationship.

You really missed the big red flag Op, a man who wants to talk about his sexual fantasies on the first date is telling you something important, he's not interested in you as a person, if you're not into his kinks he'll soon move on. Good for you that you've dumped him first