Date tried to put a hood on me during sex

[solosunflowers]

I've been trying to date and honestly not had the best time so far.

I don't get a lot of free time because I'm a solo parent to my son.
So I went on a date recently. It was a low pressure walk (my suggestion). It went really well and we hit it off a lot better than expected. The only thing was that he made reference to being interested in the D/s dynamic. Can't remember how the conversation came up. I didn't make much of it because that is something I can enjoy, but didn't want to discuss at that point.

So second date we were at his house. He kisses me and things get heated. We're about to have sex and he gets about a hood to put over my head. Apparently one of his fantasies. I said no.

This doesn't sound like a man who's looking for a relationship, right?

Yes, that's exactly the sort of thing a colleague suggests, isn't it?

I'd have been terrified, OP, and would have left immediately.

I wasn't aware that choking is now illegal, even if it is 'consenting'. That is very good news.

It reminds me of a legal case some decades ago where a number of gay men, who were part of a sado-masochistic group, were accused of torturing each other, with all parties consenting. They were accused of causing actual bodily harm and their defence was that the victims had consented and, post-event, had no regrets.

They were found guilty.

Where genuine harm has been inflicted or risked, it is very hard to believe that proper informed consent has been given by somebody who is in a fit mental state to give it.

He’s just messaged in fact.
“sorry I’ve not been in touch, my phone broke.”

OMG what you are going to reply to that? More red flags....

Nothing. Deleted it

45

You are more than right OP.

Infact this is a male you need to run 100s of miles from and very early on, he has started to let his barriers down.

Get the hell away from this loser, you could be in danger.

He has revealed a massive red flag, it would not take much for him to over power you and don't be another trajedy in the news.

Block him. He's not safe to talk to.

More keeps coming to the surface.
I tried to lightly hit my face. Like he was testing the waters

I do wonder if he’s not single, although I’ve been to his house

Block him, don't engage and report to the police on 101 as I bet you it won't be the 1st time he's tried it.

Some poor woman is going to end up dead because of him. Choking during sex is illegal, for that alone you should report him.

I think you still want to meet up with him because you haven't blocked him and you're a bit ambivalent about his violence towards you.

I do get turned on by spanking, restraints, submission. I can’t explain it. But now I’m thinking I need to stay away from men completely. I have a coffee date arranged tomorrow evening with someone else. I’m braving myself to cancel that.

That case was utterly grim ('grim' in the real meaning of the word rather than the Mumsnet meaning of the word, such as not hanging up a towel after a shower). I had no idea that people did this stuff through choice.

The single/married bit is virtually a point of detail compared with the choking etc

I bet his wife could tell some tales, no wonder she has left, makes you wonder what she has found out and put up with in the past.

He's testing the waters, He overstepped the mark and you've gone awol so sends that message to see if you're still game. Block.

If you are looking for a relationship then withhold sex until you are sure the guy wants a relationship and is going to treat you with respect and consideration. If it’s casual sex you are seeking why not join a swinging club where everyone knows the rules about consent and respect. I think meeting strangers for sex outside of a club is too risky . Obviously not all men seeking casual sex are going to hurt you but it’s not worth the risk .

I've been to a few swingers clubs and my personal experience was that all those online creeps from the dating apps? I felt i was now in a room with them, and they were naked. I would not reccomend the OP a swingers clubs, i would reccomend her she learns safety, boundaries and develops a strong self esteem.

Don't feel like you need to cancel. Hopefully the date you have us nice and normal, but definately do what's best for you.

Thank you
Life changed plans anyhow. My son has a sick bug!

Sorry for the typos!

This - rape fantasy alert. Ditch him.

Maybe I shouldn't even be on this forum as I am a man but anyway I just joined for some health questions a fair while ago and then have commented on a weight loss thread and popped in here after a long absence to update on the weight loss so just had a bit of a nosey and spooted this thread and title and it sounded 'interesting'
So can I just say what in the name of God would the attraction be to put a hood on somebody? that sounds so weird, run a mile from this creep!
makes me think of that case in France where the husband had half the village raping his sedated wife the poor woman God help her.

What would I report him for specifically?

It's hard to remember what I said in the moment. I remember him saying that fisting makes him feel in total control. I did say no to that and on one occasion he did try to do that.
I know someone mentioned applying for Claire's law? Would this be needed in this situation?

I do remember something else too. So the first time me met, after the walk, he asked if I fancied a drive. I said: "drive where?" He said, "I don't know. Drive round. Drive to a pub"

The thing is, he comes across as so respectable.

Yes, true.
He did mention CNC