Date tried to put a hood on me during sex

[solosunflowers]

I've been trying to date and honestly not had the best time so far.

I don't get a lot of free time because I'm a solo parent to my son.
So I went on a date recently. It was a low pressure walk (my suggestion). It went really well and we hit it off a lot better than expected. The only thing was that he made reference to being interested in the D/s dynamic. Can't remember how the conversation came up. I didn't make much of it because that is something I can enjoy, but didn't want to discuss at that point.

So second date we were at his house. He kisses me and things get heated. We're about to have sex and he gets about a hood to put over my head. Apparently one of his fantasies. I said no.

This doesn't sound like a man who's looking for a relationship, right?

I wouldn't see him again. This kind of thing needs to be discussed and consented to properly beforehand. That he did this with a brand new partner is super fucked.

Oh god, how awful. I would be running a mile away from this man in your shoes.

Bloody hell. First time? No thanks.

Yikes! You need to dump and block immediately!

As an old millennial, I know I'm hopelessly out of date, but it's scary how many men (and women) now consider this totally normal. OK, choice, consent, I know, and IF he and OP want to do this on a first date, it's not my business, and if he stopped straight away when she made her opinion clear, well I'm glad about that, and that he didn't assault you, OP.
A lot of younger people find it weird that we actually chatted people up, and would have found the idea of using a dating app wrong.

I’ve been married for a long time, Dh still checks I’m ok with everything we do, I can’t imagine that any man who actually respects you and doesn’t think of you like some sort of sex doll would do that.

This is the danger OP.

We've probably all done this. I certainly have and lived to regret it. I know it's hard dating and so tempting to only focus on the positives. Sadly, the truth lives in the darkness we'd rather ignore. It doesn't make it go away though.

It can be a boundary nudge that you explain away as something else. That weird comment you dismiss as him being a bit tipsy or first date nerves. The micro expression you just caught but don't want to admit to yourself that you saw. An inconsistancy in a story that you gaslight yourself into thinking you got wrong and it's not him telling you a lie. It's floating the idea of a sexual fantasy involving a hood that he tells you about on the first or second date......

Even if you are open to a bit of role play and fantasy you still need to excercise the same level of caution. Health, safety, boundaries and respect are not just the cornerstones for vanilla sex, they apply to all flavours.

Stay safe OP xx

I agree with you @Namemechangey . As I frequently say on MN I am glad I am old nowadays. We did one night stands or even had sex on first dates in my youth but bloody hell things seem to have gone too far these days. A hood 😱.

If he can try and do this without talking to you first/permission on the first hookup, imagine what he would want from you a few dates in.

Dom/sub?

There’s a lot of weirdo’s out there. Recently I’m sure I remember a MN thread where the man put a penis mask on his head and wanted her to straddle it! Such weird things. What’s happening to good old fashioned loving relationships?

Sorry if I missed it @solosunflowers —did you have sex with him after the hood incident?

Yes, I was already swept up in the moment.
I never went round to his with the intention of sex. I was at the end of my period, so it wasn't on the cards, in my head.

Penis mask WTF?

I'm picturing some kind of Pinocchio situation. That's when I'd be whipping out the hood for me to wear so I can't see how fecking stupid he looks.

This ^.
Unless you know a guy either from work, friends, hobbies or whatever IMO you need several dates in a neutral area before you start going to their houses.
If he isn't agreeable to this, then bin him because he obviously has no idea about how women can feel vulnerable in such a situation.

me too.

Dear god. What a fucking weirdo.

Id be out the door faster than Hussain Bolt!! Scary as hell. No way Id have went to his house.

Exactly. Clearly this guy is into BDSM. and folk who are into fetiches also want love. Wanting sex on a second date would be my first red flag (but that's just me) and trying to have you submit to quite a scary sexual submissive rol without having the conversation before shows he's a creep with little empathy. I would throw this fish to the water asap.

Focus on your child

A man telling you his kink fantasy on the very first date surely is a red flag? Surely? Aren’t first dates to find out if you broadly get on, have similar senses of humour, mutual interest in pre-raphaelite art, French wine and pub quizzes?

Exactly this. I'm pretty open-minded but there is no way I'd be entering into any D/S role-play until I completely trusted the person and we'd had a conversation about it. Anyone who is actually into BDSM will know this and want to make sure they've discussed it first.

This guy actually does sound dangerous as he's forced that situation upon you with no prior discussion. Some women would feel unable to say no in that situation out of fear or coercion and that is terrifying. If you hadn't said no he would have put you in a very vulnerable position without checking it was something you even wanted.

Any man that would put you in that situation without prior consent is a threat. He is quite clearly showing you that you are an object rather than a person with her own wishes and desires. Clearly he's been watching too much porn but that's how these creeps start.

Yes I think it was a rubber mask with a dildo attached! Absolutely horrible 🤣

D/s relies on communication. Without that there is no consent. He fell at that first hurdle. Don’t give him a second attempt.

Stop being nasty.

I had this once with a date who put HANDCUFFS on me without consent. I pretended to be in to it, and then said I needed to go to the loo but would put them back on again after. And ran the hell out of there.