Date tried to put a hood on me during sex

[solosunflowers]

I've been trying to date and honestly not had the best time so far.

I don't get a lot of free time because I'm a solo parent to my son.
So I went on a date recently. It was a low pressure walk (my suggestion). It went really well and we hit it off a lot better than expected. The only thing was that he made reference to being interested in the D/s dynamic. Can't remember how the conversation came up. I didn't make much of it because that is something I can enjoy, but didn't want to discuss at that point.

So second date we were at his house. He kisses me and things get heated. We're about to have sex and he gets about a hood to put over my head. Apparently one of his fantasies. I said no.

This doesn't sound like a man who's looking for a relationship, right?

It's hard to remember what I said in the moment. I remember him saying that fisting makes him feel in total control. I did say no to that and on one occasion he did try to do that

Tbh sadly I doubt it would go very far given actual full blown rapes rarely get prosecuted, but might be good to give him a scare and make him think twice by reporting this and hopefully the police pop round to discuss consent with him.

For example what you’ve described above is an attempt by him to engage in non-consensual sexual activity - you already said no to fisting so why the heck was he trying? That’s actually terrifying he tried to do that. Some other women would’ve frozen in the moment, struggled to say no again and ended up extremely sore, torn and traumatised while he had his way. He was probably hoping that’s the way it would work out with you.

Write down everything in a notes page on your phone or in a notebook, and then consider contacting the police and taking someone if you feel that would help to talk things through.

Yeah fuck that, I don't any to be with any man who thinks or feels he's in total control even my husband of 30 years! You said now and he tried anyway? 😱

It's hard to remember what I said in the moment. I remember him saying that fisting makes him feel in total control.

I thought the whole sanitisation of bdsm was that it was about men ceding control in role play. I'm hoping that means He'd be absolutely terrified of a female stomping all over him

I did google and didn’t see anything relevant - but what is CNC? (With apologies if it’s staring me straight in the face!)

"consensual non consent"

Rape role play.

Basically puts a bland corporate rebrand on it to sanitise it

I googled: "CNC stands for Computer Numerical Control".

Consensual non consent.

You report him for choking which is illegal and for trying to fist you when you specifically asked him not to. So assault and sexual assault for starters.

Yes a Claire's Law enquiry would be a very good idea because it's very likely there'll be something on him. If there isn't then you're doing other women a favour by registering a complaint about him.

Do the online freedom programme to work on your personal boundaries, I posted the link upthread. https://www.goodstarttherapypractice.co.uk/about Affordable therapy

I disengage from any man who brings up anything sexual before meeting or within the first few dates.

On apps I don't even explain. I just unmatch. If we had already met, I would just say I'm not feeling a spark and leave it there.

Lack of decorum and poor perception of what is appropriate for the time, in my opinion.

Thank you