Page 14 | Date tried to put a hood on me during sex

solosunflowers · 2026-09-30T10:42:44+00:00

I've been trying to date and honestly not had the best time so far. I don't get a lot of free time because I'm a solo parent to my son. So I went on a date recently. It was a low pressure walk (my suggestion). It went really well and we hit it off a lot better than expected. The only thing was that he made reference to being interested in the D/s dynamic. Can't remember how the conversation came up. I didn't make much of it because that is something I can enjoy, but didn't want to discuss at that point. So second date we were at his house. He kisses me and things get heated. We're about to have sex and he gets about a hood to put over my head. Apparently one of his fantasies. I said no. This doesn't sound like a man who's looking for a relationship, right?

PPAPPINE · 01/10/2026 00:47

He sounds dangerous. 1st time with no prior discussion. Unhinged. Please stay well away.

VoiceFromThePit · 01/10/2026 01:01

Serial killer in the making there…

Winterhasbeenandgone · 01/10/2026 01:25

Glad you won't be seeing him again. He should have explicitly asked you, and he didn't because he knew you'd probably say no to his weird fantasy.

Yep, weird is a thing and it is ok to consider weird things weird. He'll be just another useless porn sick man.

And you do need to be more careful about going back to men's houses.

PutItInTheFridge · 01/10/2026 01:36

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

DinoDoughnut81 · 01/10/2026 01:54

A lot of people on here have said BDSM is alright as long as you have consent etc. It reminds me of this article where the woman is a sex addict, meets all these guys from the "kink community". And they end up basically battering her black and blue, almost breaking her arm, she didn't want sex anymore at a point, just to be hurt. So they did it. Consenting adults, "nice" guys who took her at her word. It definitely makes me wonder how many genuinely "nice guys" want to hurt women. I'm personally becoming more than a bit distrustful.
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2026/feb/08/sex-addict-spent-years-meeting-strangers-masochistic-hook-ups

I spent years meeting strangers for masochistic hook-ups. Was I a sex addict?

After a sexually frustrating marriage led to divorce, I chased increasingly extreme BDSM encounters. But I never felt truly satisfied. Had I been looking for the wrong thing all along?

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2026/feb/08/sex-addict-spent-years-meeting-strangers-masochistic-hook-ups

PeonieLover · 01/10/2026 02:55

As you can't afford therapy, do the online freedom programme for £12 because it will teach you how to spot red flags. The NHS talking therapy is free for the first course. You really need to start looking after yourself because if you die during risky sex, your child could go into care.

https://freedomprogramme.co.uk/

https://www.nhs.uk/tests-and-treatments/talking-therapies/

https://womanstrust.org.uk/what-we-do/individual-counselling/

Talking therapies

Find out how to access free talking therapies (psychological therapies) like cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), counselling and guided self-help on the NHS.

https://www.nhs.uk/tests-and-treatments/talking-therapies

iamnotalemon · 01/10/2026 03:54

First date and he’s already mentioning his fantasies. This seems a bit much to me!

mrsturkey · 01/10/2026 03:55

Second date omg no sex!

Any time- absolutely no hood!

He is using you to fulfill his fantasy- of course you got on well first time as he was grooming you for sex.

tiredtiredd · 01/10/2026 07:16

Also wtf is it with all these sickos choking lately. It can cause a devastating stroke or death. Just to get some horrible kick about hurting someone.

EmpressStorm · 01/10/2026 07:50

solosunflowers · 30/09/2026 20:34

I'm the first person to assume someone finds me ugly.
Funnily enough, I do believe he found me attractive.

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But he tried to put a bag over your head and choke you? Op, it doesn’t matter if he found you attractive or not, he was flirting as he wanted to abuse you and thought you’d be willing.

likelysuspect · 01/10/2026 07:52

Crojo · 30/09/2026 12:02

Whether he’s relationship material is the least of your worries here. This could have ended so so badly, maybe let it be a lesson in personal safety and not going to strange mens houses on a second date!

Absolutely this

Of course the bloke's a wrong 'un but where is the personal accountability

Why turning up to someones house on a second 'date'. Its not a date is it, its going round someones house for likely sex

What happened to dates for a few weeks before even doing anything physical with someone.

Lalgarh · 01/10/2026 08:58

Given the attempt to strangle, might be worth getting a medical checkup on your throat, if as mentioned upthread there are risks of delayed effects.

You mentioned he left bruises round your mouth

How old is this guy.40s?

SeptemberSunshineWins · 01/10/2026 09:06

DinoDoughnut81 · 01/10/2026 01:54

A lot of people on here have said BDSM is alright as long as you have consent etc. It reminds me of this article where the woman is a sex addict, meets all these guys from the "kink community". And they end up basically battering her black and blue, almost breaking her arm, she didn't want sex anymore at a point, just to be hurt. So they did it. Consenting adults, "nice" guys who took her at her word. It definitely makes me wonder how many genuinely "nice guys" want to hurt women. I'm personally becoming more than a bit distrustful.
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2026/feb/08/sex-addict-spent-years-meeting-strangers-masochistic-hook-ups

If these people end up dead having given permission to be beaten, tortured or strangled the killer would use consent and
so accidental death........

The bloke didn't see her as a person, just a thing

"I was more of a prop than an active participant. He barely looked at me throughout. The only time I saw emotion in the man was when he orgasmed"

Lalgarh · 01/10/2026 09:11

Yeah. They just want a body. Actually reminds me of the rapists of Giselle Pelicot

NovaF · 01/10/2026 09:17

solosunflowers · 30/09/2026 22:18

I wonder if he's aware that choking is illegal? I wasn't until today

I think this thread has thrown up a lot to digest and things you may not have realised, it is a lot, are you ok OP?

pinkyredrose · 01/10/2026 11:09

Yupstillhere · 30/09/2026 15:56

I don't understand what his family or occupation have to do with this. Women have been raped and suffered domestic violence from men of all professions, policemen for example.

I don't understand why you think the hood means he's not looking for a relationship. Sounds like you showed some interest in his kink. I assume he took your interest as a possible green light and thought he'd try it. He stopped when you protested.

He needs to have more conversation before he tries out his fetishes and you need to listen out if men mention kinks before you have sex.

Oh the woeful ignorance in this post!

EveryoneUsingOutro · 01/10/2026 11:24

pinkyredrose · 30/09/2026 12:07

If he's really into d/s play he'd know that consent is always agreed beforehand and there's an established safeword.

He sounds dangerous.

This is very true.

EveryoneUsingOutro · 01/10/2026 11:31

Somethingsquishy · 30/09/2026 13:01

He waved an enormous red flag right in your face when he started discussing this on your FIRST DATE. Any guy talking about sex at all on a first date is one to be avoided - unless you're both looking for NSA sex, which clearly isn't the case with you.

There's no judgement from me for when you sleep with someone, but if you want a relationship the kind of men who won't just use you for sex are not the ones who want to know your favourite position 10 minutes into a walk through the park.

Exactly. And then a second date at his house??? Nope!!

EveryoneUsingOutro · 01/10/2026 11:34

outerspacepotato · 30/09/2026 13:17

The only thing was that he made reference to being interested in the D/s dynamic.

Red flag #1. He said this at your first meetup while on a walk.

So second date we were at his house.

Giant red flag. You went to his house for sex after meeting one time where he mentioned D/S.

You ignored big red flags in hope of having a relationship.

You're being awfully cavalier with your personal safety especially considering you're the only parent to your child. Your child could have lost his mom because of your poor risk assessment and ignoring red flags.

Research dating and personal safety. Get therapy for your poor self esteem.

All of this!!!

EveryoneUsingOutro · 01/10/2026 11:46

rrrrrreatt · 30/09/2026 14:42

A man who doesn’t seek your consent before doing something like that is always dangerous. No exceptions.

If they start out with little to no respect for you and your boundaries, they don’t improve as things progress - men are generally on their best behaviour at the beginning of a relationship.

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Yes OP, you NEED to recognise this. He and others of his ilk who dismiss consent ARE dangerous.

EveryoneUsingOutro · 01/10/2026 11:50

solosunflowers · 30/09/2026 15:10

He did choking too.

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Oh come ON OP!

Work on your self respect and self esteem before ANY further foray into dating. Please. Your child needs you alive.

StoatMilk · 01/10/2026 11:56

Yesautumniscoming · 30/09/2026 11:44

Wtf, he sounds dangerous.

This…. Absolutely terrifying behaviour…. run like the wind and don’t look back.

Verbena91 · 01/10/2026 12:38

I feel like we (women) often feel like we have to be “cool” with all the kinks etc and even if it’s not our cup of tea just be like “live and let live” etc - but I’m sorry I can’t get onboard with this. What the fuck kind of human being wishes to DEHUMANISE someone that much by literally putting a hood over their head and literally disbodying them - and this is actually what gets them off!!!! For me it’s 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

UnaPersson · 01/10/2026 12:47

Verbena91 · 01/10/2026 12:38

I feel like we (women) often feel like we have to be “cool” with all the kinks etc and even if it’s not our cup of tea just be like “live and let live” etc - but I’m sorry I can’t get onboard with this. What the fuck kind of human being wishes to DEHUMANISE someone that much by literally putting a hood over their head and literally disbodying them - and this is actually what gets them off!!!! For me it’s 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Yes, and if we don't like it, get scolded for 'kink shaming'. When it's always the woman who's at risk of getting physically or psychologically hurt or worse.

Yupstillhere · 01/10/2026 14:36

pinkyredrose · 01/10/2026 11:09

Oh the woeful ignorance in this post!

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I'm not expert on dating. That's just my opinion.