The world was a better place when kink was just for kinky people. It was never something people were supposed to dabble in. Or escalate into because they were bored with standard porn. Or tolerate because that’s just what’s expected nowadays.
I’m a sub, and sex in short timeframe was never on the cards because there was too much negotiation to get through. There shouldn’t be any assumptions, or surprises. It’s talked through, contingency plans agreed, then trust established long before anything risky happened.
I want to say leave this stuff alone, but I think the genie is well and truly out of that bottle now. So if you’re open to a bit of kink, please, please, please educate yourself on what’s supposed to happen before hand and cultivate super high standards for who you’re willing to sleep with.
That’s the crux of the issue though - because women who aren’t intrinsically kinky, and have high standards, filter out these porn addled would-be doms. The very fact you’re open to considering some of these practices should be a warning sign to go on an all women’s retreat at a convent for a year.
It’s not cool to be open minded, it’s risky.
Sorry, op, I’m ranting a bit, and it’s not fair. I just really hate how acceptable practices are now that we’re once considered extreme in bdsm communities. I hate seeing women, who have been “introduced to kink” by boyfriends coming into kink forums looking for advice on how to achieve subspace because now it’s a goal to endure enough pain to dissociate from the trauma. It’s terrifying.