Date tried to put a hood on me during sex

[solosunflowers]

I've been trying to date and honestly not had the best time so far.

I don't get a lot of free time because I'm a solo parent to my son.
So I went on a date recently. It was a low pressure walk (my suggestion). It went really well and we hit it off a lot better than expected. The only thing was that he made reference to being interested in the D/s dynamic. Can't remember how the conversation came up. I didn't make much of it because that is something I can enjoy, but didn't want to discuss at that point.

So second date we were at his house. He kisses me and things get heated. We're about to have sex and he gets about a hood to put over my head. Apparently one of his fantasies. I said no.

This doesn't sound like a man who's looking for a relationship, right?

DH and I have played with some light spanking and BDSM in our time. There has never been and never would be any choking. Choking gives women irreversible brain damage or kills them. In a domestic violence context, it is regarded as a high indicator for future homicide. So I would never trust a man who wanted to choke. But WTAF with the hood? Talk about wanting to completely dehumanise the woman you're with and just turn her into a body. It's horrifying. This guy sounds really dangerous.

I was asking about the offence of the hood - the OP had not then disclosed the 'choking'

Many years ago an old work colleague used to describe ugly people as ‘double baggers’ as in to shag them he’d need to put a bag over their head and a second bag over his own head in case theirs fell off. That’s what this hood business reminds me of.

I'm the first person to assume someone finds me ugly.
Funnily enough, I do believe he found me attractive.

He's got no experience of consensual BDSM if he reckons you do that without discussing it. Appalling and completely off-putting.

He may well be looking for a relationship. He will be looking for a long time if he keeps this up!

Maybe it was a BOBFOC situation from his perspective but his comms skills clearly lacking if he didn’t explain…

What a grim response! You're saying he thought op is ugly, and he really should have explained clearly that he'd need to cover her face to enjoy having sex with her? It's just his comms that were a problem. Okaaay...

Don't give up the day job.

He just wants a body to impose his fantasies upon. FUCK THAT.
Doesn’t bother to get to know you or discuss boundaries. Wanker.
These fucking porn addled men.

This is recycled. I know you think you're Jimmy Carr, but a) he's sometimes funny and b) he knows his audience. He wouldn't say stupid shit to a woman who's actually just been assaulted because the point is to be funny.

Although you do have another goal as well, I guess. You must be nearly there now? Can you finish up, chuck the tissues before your mum sees them and then get off the stage?

I wonder if he's aware that choking is illegal? I wasn't until today

Jesus.

Sounds like you were very lucky to get out.

wtf is wrong with men?!

This exactly. Deeply concerning. And then to hear she had bruised lips and was choked too. Absolutely terrifying.

OP next time slow things down. Anything you’re not planning to do say no to or say you need some time to think. In my early 20s I’d sometimes go along with things and then immediately regret it.

I now say no if i am not sure because I’d rather say no, then change my mind later than say yes and afterwards regret it when it comes to these kind of things.

I think trying to involve kink on a second date is weird. He barely knew you and already wished to remove your face from sex.

I immediately blocked men on apps who said they were married. I am not interested in being with a married man. I don’t give a shit if they’re separated. Why can’t they wait until the ink dries?

And if it’s because the process has been taking a long time I’d wonder why it was dragging out since I don’t think divorces usually take that long in the UK.

Even if they had a legitimate reason for it taking years and years, I’d still want them to sort their life out and make a clean break first.

Seriously op. Be careful out there. You have a child and barely know this guy. So many weirdos out there

My cousin said he is always suprised when he is out and a woman who turns out to be a single mother of children under 18 invites him to her house for a ONS.

He knows and I know he’s not a creep/psycho - but she doesn’t!

By the grace of god you've dodged a bullet. Somehow you've ended up being the one who got ghosted, please see this for the miraculous stroke of luck that it is

He’s lucky it was you and you seem reasonably relaxed- I would have been contacting the police!!

Jesus wept. None of this is remotely safe. You’ve been in an incredibly vulnerable position I’m afraid.

He almost certainly doesn't care, and from your description of that chat before you slept with him, he is preparing the ground for him to say you possibly suggested it.

He has probably done this before from how easily he seemed to have manoeuvred you into this