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Original poster

Surprise birthday turnout embarrassment

184 replies

RGEdin · 18/09/2026 16:02

My dear sister organised a surprise dinner for my 40th last night and I'm beyond grateful, I love her so much.

I'm just a bit embarrassed as all that came in addition to my sister and husband were three friends and four colleagues - most of whom I'm not even that close to. Two other close friends were apparently ill and a third was away on holiday. And my husband didn't think to invite mutual friends, despite the fact I went to their 40ths.

As I said I am so grateful to my lovely sister for all the effort she went to but I'm just a little humiliated that my colleagues must think how sad, why are we here?? Has anyone else had similar experiences?

OP posts:
Skibbgirl · 21/09/2026 13:43

I'd be thrilled if anyone organised a surprise birthday anything for me ... it's not happened yet!

WhatNoRaisins · 21/09/2026 14:01

AllIwantForChrismasIsAKitchenAidStandMixer · 21/09/2026 13:02

No they responded and said something along the lines of “yeah sounds good” but you can’t rely on that as an rsvp…as my DH learnt to his detriment!

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If I did that but then nothing followed about a time or place I'd think that they've changed their mind about having an event or decided not to invite me for whatever reason.

AllIwantForChrismasIsAKitchenAidStandMixer · 21/09/2026 14:25

WhatNoRaisins · 21/09/2026 14:01

If I did that but then nothing followed about a time or place I'd think that they've changed their mind about having an event or decided not to invite me for whatever reason.

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Yes exactly which is what happened!

SweetnsourNZ · 22/09/2026 14:58

It's a shame you husband didn't invite the couples you know and I would have a word with him about that. Maybe he was thinking as it was your birthday it should just be your principle friends, or maybe like so many men seem to be, just useless at that sort of thing.
It sounds like a nice little gathering anyway.
What a lovely sister you have too.

Original poster
RGEdin · 22/09/2026 21:46

JontyGentooey · 19/09/2026 18:42

Oh gosh sorry OP. I hope you still had a nice time with those with did come.

I remember a guy at my work donkeys years ago telling me that he organised drinks somewhere for his 30th, in the days where you made an event on Facebook rather than actually phoning or texting people. Anyway, one person showed up and it was his ex girlfriend. He told me this story in a sort of jokey way but my heart broke for him and I've never forgotten it.

Oh god, what a shame!

OP posts:
Original poster
RGEdin · 22/09/2026 21:54

EmmaB1309 · 19/09/2026 20:02

Don’t over think it OP. There were 11 of you there including four very nice work colleagues and three friends. No one would be thinking anything of it, although your OH was a bit useless! Did you have a good time? That’s all that matters.

Thank you ☺️ I am a bit irked at my husband 😆 I had a nice time but was was very self conscious the whole time!

OP posts:
Original poster
RGEdin · 22/09/2026 21:57

ICouldHaveCheckedFirst · 19/09/2026 20:16

Happy birthday, OP.
My own 40th was many years ago.
DH organised a surprise party for me, in our house. Quite a number turned up - maybe 20? but it was a very odd guest list because he'd omitted a fair few people I would have expected him to invite instead ie people not even on my Christmas card list. He later proudly told me he'd got their contact details from my address book (remember them?) - I've never told him that what he used was an OLD address book, and the only names not crossed out were the people whose details I hadn't transferred to my NEW address book. Which explained a lot!
Anyway, other than about 4 close friends, nobody who came ever invited us to anything subsequently.
I'm not sure surprise parties are a good idea, on the whole.

Oh dear, oops! Like what other people have said it does seem to be more down to the organising who comes, however well meaning it is

OP posts:
Original poster
RGEdin · 22/09/2026 22:00

Nurturegrow11 · 19/09/2026 20:23

I think you could tell your colleagues what happened and they’d understand. I understand how you felt.. your husband should have invited mutual friends.

A couple of years ago it was my 40th. We had a 6 week old baby, so granted didn’t have big plans. But then for my 41st I discovered the day before my husband hadn’t organised anything and we went to a pretentious hotel for lunch which is not me at all (out of his desperation for not booking.) Recently he went to a friends 40th birthday party in Germany (she lives there) and I realised how sad it was I wouldn’t have that.

This is not to say my situation was worse.. it’s just to say I understand! Sometimes partners get it so WRONG!!

Do tell your colleagues - hopefully it will feel better after. And maybe organise something else with your other friends? xx

Thank you ☺️ I was trying to hint to my colleagues that I did have other friends but my sister thought I might be offending them since they'd made the effort to come!

OP posts:
MyRubyPanda · 22/09/2026 22:25

Sorry to hear this OP. I point blank refuse to have or organise parties precisely because of this. It all stems from university for me. My flatmate got it in her head that we should have a flatwarming party at the start of the new academic year. I knew this was a terrible idea as I'm not a popular or likeable person (due to at-that-time undiagnosed autism) but dutifully invited peers and classmates to this shindig. No one came. A young man who I had not been seeing me for a few weeks and who I didn't bother to invite as he kept standing me up did show up to dump me. Spent the evening crying in the toilet. Good times!

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