Would you date someone who does not drive

[Dancemom1]

Would it put you off from dating someone if you found out they didn’t drive?
after a nice first date with a man (40)
i found out he didn’t drive.
i do drive myself and couldn’t be without my car as i have w busy life with kids.
he has no kids so its a bit different.
he also lives around a 20 min drive away.

No - it's a basic life skill - not driving in middle age smacks of being a loser

No.

Most drivers do very little exercise

You would get more if you didn't drive

Definitely not. People who say they can get themselves around, yes, on a good time of day with planning and good public transport.

What about tip runs.
What about expected journeys to a&e out of hours.
What about getting home from a gig in the home counties at midnight.
What about the big shop
What about picking up a new appliance or mattress and avoiding a delivery delay/charge.
What about taking your elderly frail parent to an appt.
What about nipping to big supermarket when the local shop hasn't got the ingredient you're missing.
You'll tell me you'd manage or make other arrangements, but you wouldn't, you'd rely on me.
Non drivers are a pain in the arse

Wouldn't bother me, unless you live out in the sticks with no buses/Uber.

Does not drive: great.

Can not drive: more tricky.

I do not drive (myself). Don't enjoy it very much and pay someone to do it instead. Usually Uber. But I have a driving license

Lots of hugely successful men were / are non drivers, Ricky Gervais, Noel Gallagher, Robbie Williams ….

Driving is passé now anyway, with driverless vehicles, electric bikes, capped bus fares (!)… the days of most adults driving around in their own vehicle are behind us.

He’s right on trend, soul car occupancy is very uncool.

I’ve been with my children’s father for 5 years, he is only just now about to do his test next month and honestly it didn’t bother me he didn’t rely on me for lifts it would be me offering or occasionally he’d ask me however even when we take our own kids out equally my responsibility he will send me petrol money to my account and tell me it’s for that. He never allows me to do it for “ nothing” no matter how much I protest

What about tip runs. It gets collected here

What about expected journeys to a&e out of hours. We don’t own a car, so we taxi, there also wouldn’t be anywhere to park a car at a&e here.

What about getting home from a gig in the home counties at midnight. No such thing here, but if we go to a gig we’re usually a twenty minute metro ride away and a three minute walk. Sometimes if its a nice evening we forgo the metro and walk home.

What about the big shop. We do our shop online

What about picking up a new appliance or mattress and avoiding a delivery delay/charge. No charges here, or very rare, certainly cheaper than buying a car, insuring it and putting fuel in it to save the £3 delivery for our fridge freezer and disposal of the old one.

What about taking your elderly frail parent to an appt. Well that would involve a flight and neither of us can fly a plane

What about nipping to big supermarket when the local shop hasn't got the ingredient you're missing. Its a seven minute walk

You'll tell me you'd manage or make other arrangements, but you wouldn't, you'd rely on me. No car, no issue doing anything, no need to rely on random internet person.

Exactly this. It's a conscious decision. I actually know someone who told me a long time ago that he was going to stop driving lessons because he would just let his girlfriend at the time ferry him about. He never did get his licence. It's a lazy and selfish decision.

Also.. it does speak to traits like commitment and determination. Think along the lines of getting a degree (in the old days). It takes some people years to pass their test. Others, first time. But point is: being willing to spend the time and effort learning and sacrificing financially to achieve something. Then the responsibility of actually driving, maintaining your vehicle and keeping yourself and others safe.

People who don't drive have no clue what this level of commitment is and just offer petrol money (tell them about the cost of the car, the road tax, the insurance, the oil and windscreen wash!, the MOTs, the constant maintenance, tyres! - pay me for that, not just the petrol!).

Anyway, there's also the biological factor: at my older age.. I won't consider a man who can't or won't look after me. Imagine being stuck at a bus stop or on a night out or at the airport, not really suitable taxi distance, and your man cannot come get you. No, thank you.

I would - I can’t drive due to heath issues and I’d feel awful to be judged for not driving. If everyone drove, a lot of people would suddenly lose their jobs as we wouldn’t need buses, trams, trains, taxis etc.

Nope

My partner walks to the local supermarket and back if I’m not home. He’ll get Ubers everywhere else or trains if he has to. He’s well equipped and is capable of carrying a few bags of shipping for 20 mins equally as capable to spend £5-10 in an uber from the supermarket to home. If he needed a&e I’d take him, if our kids did I’d take them, if I needed it I would and have had an ambulance out previous and then the other time that wasn’t serious I got an uber even when I had preterm labour I was in an uber. He works full time and his mate picks him up on the way to their site. If his mum needs an appointment she’ll ask the child of hers who doesn’t work full time to take her and my partner will visit a lot.

my partner will pay a delivery charge he isn’t tight but if not he’ll get a friend and their van to help transport

tip runs again he has a friend that owns a van so he’d use that however he isn’t wasteful so doesn’t really ever need the tip.

To be the only driver takes it toll

if he has had lessons ans tried and failed and few times then maybe

but to have never attempted it no

I can’t drive for medical reasons and the toll it takes on my husband now being the only driver in the family is HUGE. I feel so guilty. I can totally understand why not being able to drive would be seen as a valid reason not to date someone.

My ex wife wouldn’t drive anywhere. Not even a mile to the local cinema. Not doing that again.

Yes, my wife doesn’t drive. It’s not an issue. I like to drive.

It is a bit tedious to not be able to drive. It's one of those things that everyone should learn.

It's about having options

What about tip runs - council charge £25 for 5 big items and have one or two big free collections each year
What about expected journeys to a&e out of hours - taxi costs about £10. How often do you go to A&E? I've been twice in ten years and one of those was in an ambulance.
What about getting home from a gig in the home counties at midnight - don't live in the home counties but a taxi home from local big venues would be £10 - £25 and maybe a couple of times a year.
What about the big shop - online
What about picking up a new appliance or mattress and avoiding a delivery delay/charge - pay the delivery charge of £25 and they take the old one away. How often does this happen? Also avoids a tip run.
What about taking your elderly frail parent to an appt - they live 2 hours away so I can pay for taxis.
What about nipping to big supermarket when the local shop hasn't got the ingredient you're missing - I'll survive but there's always deliveroo if I'm short of a couple of items.
If you add all of these it's much much cheaper that buying, taxing, insuring and maintaining a car.

No. So many women I have seen become taxi forever and it has impacted on everything from always being the one driving and unable to drink on gatherings/ eves out to the woman carrying the slack with all the car duties from petrol to shopping!

Unless he genuinely wants to learn to drive (which I doubt by now at his age) I would avoid.
I wonder why he has had past relationships end…

No, outside of central London.

Why? I never needed to drive myself around and managed to live without a driving license till I was 38 and moved out of a big city. Never needed others to drive me around either. Walked, cycled and used public transport for most of my life.
In fact, even living in a small town, my car's been parked outside my house for about 10 days now and I've been walking everywhere as nothing around here is more than a 45 minute walk.
No medical issues, hence quite happy to walk places.

I couldn’t. I live in a village where, whilst there are buses, they aren’t direct and so would require a possible change of buses to complete even a 15 minute journey (in the car). So if I was the only driver it would mean I would have to always go their way or collect them.

i did briefly date someone who could drive but chose not to have a personal vehicle and only his work vehicle and they tracked it. He would get the train and I would have to drive the 20 minutes to the station and then back again or that 20 minutes would have been an hour bus journey. And then return him to the station later that day, next day etc.

But if I lived in a big city it would be less of an issue. Different country but my brother lives in Shanghai and doesn’t drive but they live steps from the underground station so unless they want to go slightly further afield on a daily basis having a car would be a waste of money.

(I am not actually single but have experienced the modern world of online dating!)

Not unless he doesn’t drive for medical reasons.

I tried it once, total pain in the arse plus I found the chosen dependence very unattractive.

Of course, if you live in a big city like London I suppose it isn’t such a big deal but where I live we only have buses Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays day times only at that.

It’s drive or stay home here.