Would you date someone who does not drive

[Dancemom1]

Would it put you off from dating someone if you found out they didn’t drive?
after a nice first date with a man (40)
i found out he didn’t drive.
i do drive myself and couldn’t be without my car as i have w busy life with kids.
he has no kids so its a bit different.
he also lives around a 20 min drive away.

This is Mumsnet so clearly the answer depends

a a man won’t date a woman because she doesn’t drive, he’s an arse, not driving is fine

a woman won’t date a man because he doesn’t drive, quite right, he’s a loser

Nope. Big ick.
Fine to not own a car for whatever reason, but learning to drive imo is a life skill.

Yes, it wouldn't put me off. DH doesn't drive, neither do I. I'd be more put off by someone who is car obsessed, I probably wouldn't date someone who drives, I hate cars.

I would if I lived in London maybe, and I also didn't drive. Otherwise, no. If he doesn't live in a very urban like London, it suggests he probably doesn't like exploring that much, so consider that. Or, he's quite tight with money and he's learnt that he can always get a woman to drive him around and save him the cost of repairs, petrol, and the car itself.

@Releasemeplease

Spare us, please 🙄

I lived well over a decade without a car in the centre of a city. NEVER AGAIN.
Not having a car massively curtails where you can go and dictates where you'll work far too much.

Yes you can live a fulfilling life, especially if it's within a big city, but other than that, you need a car to get most places in a practical time span.

Yes, there are other ways of travelling, but I don't want to spend 2 hrs on a bus getting somewhere (with connections) that would only take about 30 - 45mins by car, or be squashed like sardines in a hot carriage with a toilet that's broken down or have people coughing into the back of my hair or my face without covering their mouths. I don't want to look at a timetable if one day I fancy going to somewhere nice at sunset, and then if I'm lucky to actually get there, be looking at my watch to ensure I don't miss the last train or bus back.

Since getting a car, I've been to so many beautiful places in my county I wouldn't have got to otherwise, and I look back now at my car-less 20s and realise how much I didn't see, and how much I missed out.

Of course I would. I think it’s really bizarre to even consider not dating someone because they don’t drive, even more so if you drive yourself anyway.

Why does he not drive? Did he always live in cities where he didn’t need to?

My mum has been married to my dad for nearly 60 years and he doesn’t drive. I learned to drive but didn’t actually drive for about 20 years until I needed to because I had kids. I think it would have been quite strange if my husband hadn’t been interested in me because I didn’t drive.

Drivers tend to be a bit chubbier so by coincidence I find them less attractive than non-drivers (men and women)

Spare us, please 🙄

What do you mean? I was stating a fact.

I think it's pretty unpleasant that OP and others on this thread including yourself, seem to think that people who don't drive are second class citizens and losers.

If you want to drive fair enough. But don't look down your nose at people who don't.

Wouldn't be an issue for me but we are in London and mostly use the tube, the car is only taken out a few times a year.

What an odd thing to say.

I lived in London for decades and had no need whatsoever to drive and own a car. Public transport was usually more convenient than driving in that city, unless you enjoy getting stuck in traffic all the time and paying the congestion charge, and I would get the odd taxi if/when needed.

Where you live is a big factor as to whether a car is necessary or not and ultimately it is a personal choice. Nothing to do with being a 'capable adult'...

No, because I have a camper van and wouldn’t want to be the only driver going all the way to the south of France, for one reason!

A fair number of people can't get themselves anywhere without their Noddy car and think it makes them a big boy or girl

What a load of absolute nonsense. Are you suggesting that all the people who DON'T drive/can't drive, all walk or cycle everywhere? So they're sooooo skinny compared to drivers?

Load of tosh. They either get the bus or train, or cadge lifts off people. The non drivers are not walking instead of driving when they're going somewhere/need to get somewhere! 😂 They're not walking all the places that other people drive to. They don't get any more exercise than drivers do!

Daft comment. I'm embarrassed for you mate. 😬

.

Probably but it would be a big negative

I'm saying people who drive tend to be fatter and physically lazier

I do find a man who is capable with cars quite sexy TBF as a separate matter

But it's not an essential - I don't like driver mentality people

It became a major thing between me and my ex....except not only did he have a license, but has a clean licence as far as I'm aware, and no driving related trauma to speak of. We started our relationship living in the centre of a city, and he basically lied by omission by not telling me that even if we moved out of the city to a rural area, (which we did), he'd refuse to drive.

He also used to say that 'he doesn't need to'. Well I guess he doesn't because he's tailored his whole life around the fact that he doesn't have a car, so that's why he 'doesn't need to', but his world is much, much smaller and less flexible as a non-driver.

That lack of flexibility, that stubbornness is off-putting. For me, it's selfishness. No where is he thinking 'You know what? My girlfriend would love it if I drove. Given the fact that we're going to have kids together, and my children's friends won't all live on a bus / train route, I think it's time for me to drive'.

Nope - it's just about him and what he wants or doesn't want (whilst His Royal Highness uses her driving ability to get him places as his convenience). You can bet it's going to be her doing all the food shopping, all the ferrying the kids around.

I enjoy driving holidays and am my parents’ main carer. I would love a partner who can help out with the driving/doggy daycare pickups or dog-inclusive travel x

Yes, if I wanted to be with him. If I loved him. If I saw a future together. Life isn't all about driving. If you don't want to be in the driving seat all the time, make sure the two of you do lots of activities which don't involve a car. There are plenty.

Yes. I was the non driver until not long ago. No man ever refused to date me over it. I was perfectly capable to get where I needed to get and I absolutely did not need to drive. It is very expensive to learn these days as well so it took me 10 years to be in a position to afford the lessons. I did it eventually because it is something I wanted and just recently got a car as I am pregnant yet I am still nervous to drive as I don’t have experience outside lessons.. If he can come to see you/meet you and doesn’t expect you to drive him around which I assume he won’t considering he survived without it ao far, why would it be a problem? If you were going on a trip or something you need one car/driver anyway.. 🤷

CurdinHenry
I'm saying people who drive tend to be fatter and physically lazier

You can say that but it's a load of nonsense. I am a driver, but I walk 5-6 miles a day for exercise and fitness, and go swimming 2-3 times a week. I am fit and healthy and not 'fat.'

Saying everyone who is unable to drive/doesn't drive, is fitter and slimmer than people who drive is just nonsense.

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Nope

Never again!

No, I wouldn't. If I wasn't a driver myself, that'd be different. But when you're the only one who drives, you'll be expected to do all of it, and be asked to do it when you don't want to. So no.

There are times in my life when it wouldn’t have bothered me- when I was in my 20’s living in London and barely left London except by plane because why would I? ( the countryside was at this stage of literally zero interest to me and weekends were for sleeping and partying) it wouldn’t have bothered me one bit. However, when the kids were small it would have driven me insane to be the only driver ( no longer living in London by then) as I’d have ended up doing more than my fair share of crappy parenting tasks like Sunday afternoon soft play parties. Now the kids are nearly grown I’d possibly consider it again, especially if I was to meet someone now they wouldn’t be my dc’s dad so he wouldn’t have to be driving them round anyway as would have their own dad for that.

Gotta say though, teetotaller with a driving license ( DH) is a big plus.

If it was medical I could probably live with it but otherwise no.. but I'm Irish and everyone drives cause public transport is rubbish.