Would you date someone who does not drive

[Dancemom1]

Would it put you off from dating someone if you found out they didn’t drive?
after a nice first date with a man (40)
i found out he didn’t drive.
i do drive myself and couldn’t be without my car as i have w busy life with kids.
he has no kids so its a bit different.
he also lives around a 20 min drive away.

Exactly, what a riddiculous position.

I think it’s fine to not want to date someone who doesn’t drive but to compare not writing with not driving is absurd .

No, unless there was a proper medical reason e.g several of DH's relatives weren't ever able to drive due to eyesight issues.

What a small minded mentality.

No - it would put me off. Have you asked why he doesn't drive?

Hello no, and i love driving, but the fact that someone hasn't seen it a very useful life skill is beyond my comprehension.

Also.. it does speak to traits like commitment and determination

It also can speak of the privilege and good fortune that some people have, such as a parent or older sibling who was able to help them practice in their car and/ or paid for all their professional lessons - no matter how many it took for them to pass.

Yea it still does take work but it’s relatively smooth and easy for some people to get it based on circumstances they were blessed with.

As opposed to the person who had to move out at 18 with little family support or financial backing and all their money went on rent and buses to their job and were not able to start lessons until they were older. Or they started but ran out of money every time like my younger cousin who has had various mishaps draining her money.

Even if it did take someone a lot to achieve a driving licence ( like my friend who passed it at age 36 after taking lessons in between studying her nursing degree and raising young children) fine that’s great - but there’s plenty of other things that can speak of commitment and determination.

To use the same example my friend even without taking her license had already overcame a lot by studying as a mature student with young kids in an intensive placement heavy course. She showed her drive and commitment in many ways!

TDLR: date who you want and don’t date who you don’t want for any reason but don’t be so quick to assume someone has less commitment and determination because they don’t have a certain achievement that you do have.

What about tip runs - I only even needed to do one tip run in my life and it was getting rid of stuff my ex had at my place. Don't buy crap you need to take to the tip is the answer.
What about expected journeys to a&e out of hours. - taxi
What about getting home from a gig in the home counties at midnight. - taxi
What about the big shop - My nearest shop is 7 minutes walk away and I can get there every couple of days and order delivery for cupboard stuff once a month. I never find myself in need of a "big shop".
What about picking up a new appliance or mattress and avoiding a delivery delay/charge - no need to avoid a delivery charge, it's an event that happens once every 5 years and most deliveries are free now.
What about taking your elderly frail parent to an appt. - taxi or hospital transport
What about nipping to big supermarket when the local shop hasn't got the ingredient you're missing. - cook something else or use a bicycle.

Nobody in my family drove when I was growing up and not once have we needed to rely on you or anyone else for a lift. My mum can't even ride a bike and she walks for an hour to get to work and considers it the best part of her morning.

Nope

Driving is a basic life skill, and someone not interested in such skills is of no interest to me!

I remember declining a date with a very nice looking guy, some years ago, because he didn’t drive. It somehow completely emasculated him. I posted about it on MN, and was heavily criticised

I agree with you. People can manage fine without a car. Some MNetters just lack imagination.

My friend was an immigrant single parent, raised 3 kids who all did well at school and went to university and stayed within the law and are decent kind people etc.

She retrained as a teacher since her degree wasn’t recognised here. Also had another degree.

Worked all sorts of jobs to be able to save up to buy her house and pay for travel for her kids to attend a nicer school in a neighbouring area.

The idea that she is lesser or lacks commitment and drive just because she doesn’t drive is absurd.

If anything it took determination for her to get everywhere on buses with the kids! School drop offs, after school clubs and concerts and play dates. And to do her shopping etc - all by bus. With the occasional taxi when she can afford it.

She did try to learn as well as she knew it would be good if she could, but after several lessons off and on she just struggled to get the hang of it and had bills to pay!

Again it’s valid if someone doesn’t want to date her or anyone for that reason lol (just like it’s valid that someone might not want to date her because she has kids or because whatever reason they have! ).

But some of these replies are wild - to suggest someone is lacking in character and disclipine etc, because they choose not to drive or haven’t been able to learn so far is silly.

I agree! I do work with someone (male) who doesn't drive. He's very 'manly' but something always makes me think it's a 'front' and he's actually quite a nervous person. I have wondered if a health issue may be why he doesn't drive. When it's cropped up in conversation he always says he doesn't need to drive as the train network is so good. 🤷

NOOOOOOOOOOO

My friend when she was 35 married her husband aged 38 he didn’t drive. She didn’t mind at all and was happy to be the driver. He tends to take himself on trips to the shops etc by himself but if they are going out somewhere that’s not accessible by train she does drive.

A few years have passed and he’s decided to get his driving licence. Not because she persuaddd him to- she said it’s up to him but because he chose to. The difference is she didn’t find it unattractive or a problem.

OP, simply put if it bothers YOU it’s not going to work. But if it doesn’t bother you and you think he’s amazing otherwise then crack on. It’s not about if someone else thinks it’s not masculine to be a non-driver or if someone else is okay with it.

What do you think??

This is what it comes down to. If they expect you to be their chauffeur, no. If they manage fine getting themselves around that’s OK. If we were going on a trip together that involved driving I’d be offering to pay for all associated costs with the driving to make up for the fact I couldn’t contribute by driving myself.

Dating a non-driver wouldn't bother me. I didn't learn until my 30s.

But if your attitude is anything like this poster's, let that man go asap. My ex never believed it was possible to do these things without a car, despite me doing them without a car for my whole life. She would complain I "relied on" her for things like picking up furniture, when really I'd been ready to pay the delivery fee, and she was the one who insisted on driving, searching for a parking space, and spending more than the delivery fee on parking/petrol.

It's drivers who think their way is the only right way who are a pain in the arse.

Unless there's medical reasons involved not a chance in hell.

Yes as long as I was expected to be chauffeur. He would need to pay for taxis/ bus to get to mine

No I wouldn’t. There may be valid reasons for not driving but I wouldn’t want to date someone with those reasons.

Thanks all,
ive not asked him why but i will.
he is asking for a second date but i dont want to lead him on if irs going to be an issue. Im not sure wether to go and ask him there or aak beforehand.
i live in a city, but having kids im literally in and out my car 6-8 times a day.

I wouldn't think "He doesn't drive? No way!", but I imagine, unless we both lived in a city, it would make many of the getting to you dates more difficult and would possibly make me think it wasn't worth the effort.

I would be reluctant to live with someone who didn't drive in a place where cars made life much easier.

Honestly, don’t do it @Dancemom1

I speak from bitter experience

I have never had a car. I lived in central London for most of my life and it was completely unnecessary.

What about tip runs I have never needed one, though I once asked a friend to take an item when she had booked one for herself.
What about expected journeys to a&e out of hours. Unexpected? it’s a short walk up the road but I’ve only needed it once in 2 decades
What about getting home from a gig in the home counties at midnight. Taxi
What about the big shop I do online or shop in town. I don’t do a regular “big shop”
What about picking up a new appliance or mattress and avoiding a delivery delay/charge. I bring home myself or have delivered. A delivery charge is considerably cheaper than running a car
What about taking your elderly frail parent to an appt. Parents foolishly chose to retire to a distant location hundreds of miles away, in a remote location where there’s no public transport. They became isolated once neither could drive anymore. That’s on them and a stark warning about getting older and choosing to live where you depend on a car
What about nipping to big supermarket when the local shop hasn't got the ingredient you're missing. never happened. Loads of local shops within a 10 minute walk. Or I’d do without

Not having a car is immensely liberating. Particularly when see people completely bewildered when they have to manage if they can’t drive for some reason. It’s like they’ve acquired some sort of disability. There are places that I’d like to visit that I can’t get to easily but that’s very rare.

I’d regard it as a bit of a gap in adulting. We drive to go away for most of our trips for example.

Yes, I would. Presumably he can manage his personal life (work, socialising without you) without needing you to give him lifts places. So I don’t see why it would matter. I didn’t drive until I was 33, and it never caused me an issue. I just (deliberately) planned my life so it wasn’t necessary. I wouldn’t have a problem driving my partner to social activities we planned to do together anyway.

But then I think spending time in the car is quite boring anyway. A car is a tool for necessary journeys to me. It wouldn’t impact on holidays or fun things because I can’t think of anything worse than driving long distance to a holiday destination or driving once there. I’d always rather get a train between cities, and doing a group tour or getting public transport is part of the fun if I want to go outside a city.

Exactly this..

For me, it means you ALWAYS have to drive, you essentially have no workable choice (other than expensive /little public transport - outside cities..... When you're tired/fed up /need a break..there's no sense of sharing the task.. .

Two pals don't drive.... One couldn't get easily to hospital at 3am when her son was in an accident... The other couldn't drive (Londoner) relying on his wife to ferry them around local market town... She had a stroke and could never drive again. They ended up completely isolated... He did a few half hearted lessons... But deemed himself 'too old' to learn (50s..
😱)