Would you date someone who does not drive

[Dancemom1]

Would it put you off from dating someone if you found out they didn’t drive?
after a nice first date with a man (40)
i found out he didn’t drive.
i do drive myself and couldn’t be without my car as i have w busy life with kids.
he has no kids so its a bit different.
he also lives around a 20 min drive away.

No unless there was a good reason (epilepsy, sight issues etc.)

Wow. You sound nice. I can drive now but I wasn’t ready then. Good job my DH isn’t a massive bellend like your sounds like. I’m very grateful for that at least

Agreed, I never found it constraining to take my various musical instruments back and forth on public transport. My school trombone came on the underground with me many times!

I did give it up eventually, but that was because I was rubbish

My incapable and child like non-driving husband did two school runs today, one hospital appointment and then a dentist appointment with our son, when that was done he took him to buy some new school shoes and bought stuff for tonights dinner. He also went to my favourite cafe and didn’t buy me a cake, knob.

Well that means that either you live in a walkable place like I do, a place with excellent public transport, or you are wealthy enough to afford taxis. Good for you.

Nope, ick.

No I wouldn’t date someone who doesn’t drive. If I wanted a job as a chauffeur I’d go and get one.

I don't drive and still took my children to everything using either public transport or taxi's.

Not for lack of trying, though. I have severe anxiety round it so have never been test ready. I couldn't afford to run a car at the moment anyway (or take more lessons).

My boyfriend doesn't drive. He was in a bad crash as a teenager (passenger) and avoided cars for a good few years. He's perfectly capable of getting himself around on his bike or public transport and he'll happily splash out for a taxi if we're going out. It's never caused an issue and he's learning to drive now (aged 40) as where I live doesn't have the best public transport links.

I don't think there's anything wrong with not driving as long as you can get around by yourself without relying on other people, either to transport you or to do all the travelling. If he started expecting me to ferry him around everywhere I'd be unimpressed!

Having said that I'm quite a confident driver and I don't have an issue with public transport. In your situation it might be more of an issue. We can all give our opinions but it's your life and you know what you can and can't put up with!

@PrettyLittleRose however I do understand your DD's frustration if he always expects her to drive. He should be paying for taxis for nights out etc if she is having to do driving for other things.

I wonder if her reconsidering the marriage will get him to start trying?

@UniquePinkSwan Well I married someone who wanted what I did. Very nice cars and an adult attitude to life and not a dependent one!

Nope I wouldn’t date someone who didn’t drive.

My life has never been constrained.

Yes, it was. You just told us how it was.

Stopping playing a musical instrument because you couldn't transport it without a car is a dictionary-worthy example of your life being constrained through lacking car access. You stopped the cello and everything that cello playing lets you do (play for an orchestra, form a string quartet, learn Bach's fabulous solo cello sonatas) because your parents weren't driving you. You might be OK with that constraint on your musicianship, but that doesn't make it not a constraint.

Erm, Lurker stopped playing cello because it was too much hassle to transport by bus. She literally said that.

The trombone is a much smaller instrument. I've seen people cycle with trombones in rucksack type cases. That wouldn't work with a cello.

Well it's not impossible, though I wouldn't want to try it myself

https://i.pinimg.com/736x/bd/54/16/bd54160aba3658aa99f0b16cc4d1c28a.jpg

Never, ever would I date someone without a car again. Obviously disregarding those who can’t for medical reasons (and not including those like my brother who has a licence but cannot afford a car or lives in a city centre with a tube etc), a fully medically fit man/woman with a job and other responsibilities but whom hasn’t even got themselves a licence, imho shows a massive lack of maturity.
In the culture we all live in, going through the process of getting your licence and if you can afford it, acquiring & running a vehicle, is part of being a responsible adult.
Yes, of course there were fully responsible adults in the days pre-cars but I’m referring to today’s culture. The way the world operates these days, a car is needed for full independence or at least a licence if you’re ever needed to move a vehicle or operate one as part of your job.

I just find it incredibly off-putting that an adult man without medical prohibition, wouldn’t have even bothered to get a licence! 🪪 I’d wonder what other responsibilities he’s shirked……

What level of mental gymnastics have you done to come to that conclusion/declaration!?

It might put me off him a bit, but the hypocrisy is that i don’t drive.
I can drive, and used to have a car, but my epilepsy just wiped it out.

Every is going to hurt herself with all those contortions.

That's not going to end at all well if she falls off, and she is limited to cycling in a very upright "dutch bike" riding position.

No, I wouldn’t, personally. I know a couple of older men (60s+) who don’t drive and I love them (family friends), but at my age and stage of life, there’s no way I’d commit to being the only driver. It would always be on you to go to them or pick them up etc.

The people I know live in cities with great transport links and I don’t look down on them for not driving. But I wouldn’t date someone who didn’t drive (or didn’t have their own car either).

@Dancemom1 I haven't read all seven pages. I can only tell you that I went out with a non-driving man for seven years. I was 21-28, he was 31-38 during this time. At the time, I found it fucking annoying, that I was always the one having to drive; the icing on the cake was that he couldn't map read (before smart phone days). Essentially, he was bone idle. Literally so. I luckily made my escape, and since then he hasn't lifted a finger - first found a rich woman, who eventually dumped him, then lived on loans from friends, then benefits, then waiting for his dad to die. Now on benefits again. Still hasn't learnt to drive.

Nope.

Preferring to walk, live centrally, use public transport etc., all good. I do that too.

But not even knowing how to drive or having a licence is a level of ineptitude up there with not being able to cook a meal or manage one's finances and I just can't respect a man who doesn't have his basic shit together.

I know you don't like it, selfflagellating, but the fact is that not-driving has never constrained me or affected me negatively in life. In fact it's been great - cycling everywhere has been amazing, even with the trailer. And no, I never ask for lifts. I don't need them.

Really is!
Capable, intuitive and in control - Innately manly/masculine I guess.