Would you date someone who does not drive

[Dancemom1]

Would it put you off from dating someone if you found out they didn’t drive?
after a nice first date with a man (40)
i found out he didn’t drive.
i do drive myself and couldn’t be without my car as i have w busy life with kids.
he has no kids so its a bit different.
he also lives around a 20 min drive away.

No, it's a complete turn off.

no one who can’t drive is going to live anywhere with no public transport (unless they’ve suddenly developed a disability that debars them from driving, which is a whole different scenario).

Or their parents, who can drive, chose to live there, so the emerging adult didn't get a choice.

Read my posts that came after. I play the piano and the recorder.

I used to play the cello. But gave up as a teenager because transporting it on the bus was impossible.

Driving would have absolutely enhanced you by allowing you to keep playing the cello.

Thank you for proving my point.

it also leads to lack of spontaneity as you’re hidebound by the constraints of public transport

I was a teenager!

Well, I grew up in the country but left for university before driving was a possibility, and have lived in cities since — I’m talking about people who are in the position of choosing where to live.

My point was the wooshing sound over your head. I'll try to aim it better this time.

You stopped doing a worthy activity because transporting the equipment by bus was too hard. Had you been able to drive, or someone been willing to drive you, you could have continued playing the cello.

I don’t think driving actually enhances anyone.

Yes it does, by enabling you to do other things that involve equipment.

The boat journeys etc aren't ruled out by having a car.

I was 15 and thank you for telling me I am just stupid - “was the wooshing sound over your head”.

Some people on MN are just so rude. Please
DoNotRepy!

@MNLurker1345 · Today 10:36

All of those fixated on having a partner/DH that drives might be missing out on the great train, bus, boat journeys of life. And the joys of walking, even cycling together. There are so many other ways to travel and in some respects the car is the most mundane. It is just a means, I don’t think driving actually enhances anyone. It is just a convenience.

Tell me you have never lived rurally without telling me you have never lived rurally.

A car is absolutely essential where I live. No buses, ever. It's 5 miles to the market town and almost everyone works in the town, and many work miles away from the village.

My DH works 16 miles away, and I work 10 miles away, we do NOT want to be cycling 10 miles and 16 miles to bloody work thanks very much. (And then back too!) In all kinds of weather! Nor can we schlep a ton of shopping 5 miles on foot from the town.

So much ignorance about rural living.

I do know one thing though, we are fitter than many people who don't drive, as many of them walk far less than us. They don't walk to bloody work, they get the bus, or cadge a lift! In our spare time, DH and I walk some 25 to 30 miles a week, all around out glorious rural area, (and sometimes drive to beautiful places and park up and then walk or 7-10 miles.)

Non drivers can't do this, because they can only go where the buses go, (and the trains and their extortionate fares!) And we have more time for walking, as we only take 15 minutes to get somewhere in the car, that non drivers take 55 minutes to get to on a bus!

A cute little bike ride with hubby may be nice now and again for shits and giggles, but the very idea of cycling and walking everywhere is farcical. Our closest hospital is 17 miles. Like hell am I am cycling there with DH when I'm ill. Absolutely batshit.

Being able to drive brings sooooo much freedom. Even from an early age I wanted to drive, and I learned as soon as I was able! Passed in my early 20s!

I'll try to aim it better this time.

Would be an indication that I consider your failure to understand to be my fault.

You need to try harder. Go on give it another shot!

That’s a great pity because it’s one of the sexiest things on earth when a man puts his arm around a passenger seat and looks behind him to reverse the car.

Don’t ask me to explain why,it just is.

True fact

I'd rather he put his arm around me whilst not driving.

I live in a little village in Kent. No shop, only a pub. People that don’t read the full thread and jump on with presumptions are one of the bane’s of MN.

🙄

Exactly !
Two adults they take turns as any other couple would . Boils down to whether he is expectant of others .

So your life was constrained by your parents not driving you, it’s kind of the same point? If my kids played cello we’d drive them to school those days, much as I firmly believe in children getting themselves to school via train /tram in high school I’d make an exception for things like cellos.

My life has never been constrained. Living in London and being 15 in 1981 not
many parents even drove much less drove
their children to school.

I still play the piano and the recorder. Thankfully I don’t need to transport my piano and the recorder, well nothing more said.

You do know it's not 1981 now right? It's a different world now. The majority of people do not live near where they work, more women than ever work, and in minimum pay jobs with anti-social hours, and some people can't get their children into the local school, and cannot get them to school without a car, as there's no public transport - or none at the times they need it.

Also, more people than ever live miles away from family, and not around the corner. We're not living in Coronation Street! Some people do not live on a bus route or near a train station. I live 17 miles away from one myself, and I have NO public transport, as I live in a tiny rural village. And as has been said, not everyone who lives rurally with no public transport is well off and middle class.

Also, 1 in 5 workers work 10-15 miles or more away from where they live, many people live rurally and have little or no transport, and even those who do have public transport have it infrequently, and not for the times their job starts and finishes. Not everyone works 9 to 5, not everyone works from home, and not everybody lives in London! Some people have disabilities, and mobility issues and are unable to walk to work, walk to the school, walk to the shops, walk to the doctor etc etc... And don't even get me started on getting to hospital. Many people have a hospital that's miles away from their house!

Many people could not possibly function without a car.

Your post smack of privilege and ignorance.

.

No! I married one and he still didn’t learn to drive and I became his bloody chauffeur

Are you still married to him?

Im thinking of binning my bf off cos of the driving issue

I with my privileged and ignorant self do thank you for telling me that it is not 1981 anymore, no I did not know.

I live in the middle of nowhere, we have two
cars. We have no local shops, we drive, we drive everywhere. I really do think you have
taken my post out of context because you and people like you just like a cause a pile on on MN.

I am privileged and ignorant according to my anonymous accuser, but I will say that you are very stupid to get into such a rage over a MN debate, conversation about whether the OP would date a man who doesn’t drive.

Now please go away. I need to nurture my ignorance in my privileged peace.

I will not respond to any more of your posts because you can have the point, and I couldn’t be bothered.

It’s a bit of a red flag in my book. It makes me think of my partner (I ignored every red flag with him)

he had two kids with two different women- kids lived in different towns and he didn’t drive. His dad would drive him to see his kid in the other town.

the new woman made him learn to drive and get a car- as she had 5 kids with 5 different men and they needed a big car for all those kids.

then he came to me, but at least he could drive 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

so looking back not driving at 40 is a bit odd. But also he’s probably stuck in his ways by now.