The Dating Thread 63 Crisp air & Warm ♥️🧡💛

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

i think you need to be kinder to yourself and not torture yourself with the pretend messaging. So what if he’s on holiday, I’d just either get it out there and tell him you know or ignore his messages xx

I’m not sure what I know for sure - enough I know for me - but I now wouldn’t want to go through the ins and outs of what I have/don’t have so just avoiding that one - like he’s avoiding it lol - it’s just an admin task now and just once a day or every other - it’s ok enough.
Hoping he’ll message he’s never coming back as I’m getting on eith other stuff and refilling my life up a tiny bit - just need a bit longer! Shouldn’t make any odds I know but I do prefer him outside the U.K. lol

But thank you for the message - I appreciate it - actually you’re all so very kind - very helpful and often very funny - such a great thread. 💗

So glad for you - Mr Spanner is the lucky one too - long May it continue and keep popping in to give us all hope lol.

Thank you - very long time since I ever played tennis but some stuck ha!

Limbo has been good to take me to a point I could sit and be at a point where it doesn’t even all matter much - so no shouting or crying over it - and that’s a me I’d prefer him to see if I ever did see him again. Obviously, I think this but reality might be different!

Limbo is grating now though as I want it all done with instead of overthinking it all in a million different permutations fgs - and the one I didn’t prep for will happen! Wish I had an off button for him - seems guys can manage this very well - just turn it on for 5 minutes when you need to and then back off and the woman just doesn’t exist!

Yes very recently. And someone posted "on the dating threads they always say x" and I commented that I didn't think we ever did x.

Crashing actually told me I didn't exist when I wasn't with him so you're spot on😱

Hang in there ♥️🧡💛💚💙💗

@Nosdacariad crashing was awful, what a horrible man.

Question in general for everyone, now much do you want the man to take the lead with messaging etc before a first date?

I’ve usually initiated an equal amount of messages etc but then found out later they just didn’t make that much effort etc. So now I feel like I’d rather let them lead on messaging before a first date, I’ve let the current Fun Bobby message first mostly because he hasn’t confirmed proper plans for the date and it’s this Friday?

Stumps hasn’t literally told me this - but I’m sure it’s true for him ha!

Crashing really was a stupid man - not least for losing you 💗xx

Thanks everyone for getting me through a tough weekend!!

Mr CS was very concerned about my message and we spent a fair amount of time talking on the phone about it on Sunday night. He was hugely apologetic and admitted he's been on his own for so long he sometimes forgets he has someone to check in with. Took full responsibility and told me how dreadful he felt.

We both had yesterday off so he came round and we had a lovely lazy day together.

Think I could have dealt with things a lot better if I hadn't had the weekend from hell at work! But very glad I've at least set my stall out about what I need.

Thanks again. You're all top x

Well - and my advice is now null and void - I was very strict this time round that they ask, they make effort - my very intolerant of guys’ ways’ daughter said I needed to give a bit lol - so I did but only a bit. I still have let stumps lead on majority of stuff tbh - probably suited him well to run a different life.

But I’d still do this next time I think - as previous iterations when I was just upfront and asked if I felt like it left me as managing the whole thing and wondering whether they actually liked me much or just went along with it.

I don’t think there’s a right or wrong but do what feels right.

@AlwaysCarrieSATC are you on the app? I just take turns unless they're boring or weird.

Do you have a boundary about how long before the date you want to know time & place? Hopefully you'll get more than @CountBoscoTheSecondsWife 's 15 minutes!

@MsJinks I'm so glad you guys talked me out of sending the card 💜

@CleanShirt I'm so very glad he repaired that. How do you feel about him now?

Thanks. I really needed up leading on my last one that lasted a few months but then I got frustrated by how much I was doing all the planning etc.

@Nosdacariad I am on the app but I think I’m just bored of feeling like I have to keep momentum going?

So don't. Stop.

Imagine that six months in. Mega yawn!

Other men are available 😘

I think it’s hard once you’ve established a pattern to break that easily. So if you lead a lot they’ll continue letting you and it’s low effort plus you’re managing their emotional and physical diary for them.

One of my kids got caught by being too nice and running fella around to ridiculous levels from date 1 - by time this was irritating it couldn’t be readily changed - he really was a self absorbed twat though.

I was determined not to do this again nor get like my daughter so I was firm on that - but it suited me at the time to know they actually made effort - I mean other stumpy issues came along but well can’t fix it all!

Just remember you are the prize and they need to deserve you.

Ibthink @CountBoscoTheSecondsWife- 15 mins notice may go down in OLD thread legend - and will never be beaten!

Jinks has jinxed that now - there’ll be a whole contest between the Princes to get under this exceptionally low bar!

Thanks all, I love this thread and you are all amazing ☺️

Well...I'm getting better. Chatting to someone giving Crashing vibes. I asked his biggest weakness and he said attracted to women with personality disorders then went on to list them.

Biggest weakness = other people

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

WTF honestly I find this unbelievable. Guys are honestly bat shit 🤪

Must admit I’m finding the apps annoying already and I only jumped back on a couple of weeks ago. 😂

I think there should be another rule

If they say "no drama" they bring the drama and

If they call exes narcissists, they are the narcissists.

I agree. I’ve dated guys who said exes were a narcissist when they absolutely were and the “no drama” guys always cause drama with their knobby behaviour

@Nosdacariad @AlwaysCarrieSATC yes! 'no drama' guys bring it on themselves and you can spot a narcissist because they're always the victim.

Is he trying to be funny? (It's not)

Stumpy avoided these flags too - very nice about his exes and never heard or saw ‘no drama’ - sigh they still find a different low!

Are these going on the rules? We’ll need several posts soon to cover them lol @Nosdacariad

Can’t believe he said this! There’s stupid and well then there’s sausage meat.

This may have been a good question for some of mine - I’m stealing it now with pride lol

I have always been confused by this too! Does my head in.