The Dating Thread 63 Crisp air & Warm ♥️🧡💛

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Oh I have a job, a home, no addictions (unless you count sea salt chocolate and violent crime dramas) and five dependents.
I definitely come with some challenges, even ignoring the romantic hang ups. But i guess I need to rey to see if I'm there yet, so Hinge profile restored and ill let you know.

Already had one very promising potential who turned into a hard 'nope' when the hidden message popped up.

@MsJinks bravo for finally challenging TS!! Shame his response wasn't more revealing - didn't the OW's FB comments suggest they'd been an item in the past? ( I know she many not be the Other Woman but it's just shorter to refer to her as such. I guess TS kind of defended his reasons for not telling you - that he didn't know how you'd react to a female friend, not that you've given him any reason to think you might be the jealous type. And it prompted him to clarify how he feels about your relationship, in a positive way, which is good.

@ThreeMogsAndCounting if you're still feeling strong feelings for the Beardy Ex are you likely to automatically compare any prospects to him? Or are you at a stage where you can measure someone on their own merit?

I had my second date with Mr Unphotogenic tonight, who is really objectively a good-looking man. Tall, dark, fit, tanned from sailing. Kind, if a little over-earnest. But I just feel no spark at all. So annoyed with myself!

@Chocolatefreak you can't force it...

And as for wood chippings @MsJinks if he said he wasn't sure how you'd react to a female friend then that's quite a gaslighty excuse for being economical with the actualite.

Im divided on this,because warmth can grow, but I've also experienced that immediate spark and im not sure i could continue without it, so you'll have to follow your gut I think.

I rejoined Hinge last night.
Got a couple of conversations going but oh my goodness there's some lame profiles. The ones that basically say the same thing three times, the ones that exclude almost everybody, the ones that hide that they're looking for ENM u til you get to the hidden note and the one who seems to be using it as a platform to advertise his landscaping business by 'at work' photos of him wearing a branded tshirt with phone number.

Sigh.

Theres also one who had a great profile, but who's so hot i nearly didnt bother because I didnt fancy my chances. But then I reminded myself that that rarely stops men so I sent him a message anyway 😆

Hahaha good question! He sounds like a fairly active guy but who knows. I’m actually enjoying the chat with him for once, although he has suggested moving from Bumble to What’s App. Given he lives 2 hours away, I may just suggest a video call. I’m not really up for spending ages messaging someone.

Mr Charismatic actually does have abs of steel which definitely makes this all harder…! 🫣

Well done @ThreeMogsAndCounting and @BoxOfCats 💐💐💐

I think a video call is a good idea, I always hated them but this time around I had a match a couple of hours away and 5 minutes into a video call realised we weren’t a fit. (He was really rude about it so I’m glad we never met in person 😂)

Hi all

I thought this might be a good place to ask - has anyone else been having an issue with Bumble where it keeps showing you the same people, even when you have swiped left on them? As soon as I put my phone down and then go back again, its the same people

I did ask their support about it but when I got past the ai agent I didn't hear back from a real person. I've tried uninstalling and reinstalling the app, clearing caches etc

I always try and do a video call before meeting. It's amazing what it can reveal and some of those things are instant ick at the way they laugh or a mannerisms or something you wouldn't notice or know abput from photos or text content.

Voices are important to me. Its one of th reasons I like Hinge.

Yes I noticed that Saturday.

Quite odd & I didn't know if I liked again they would end up with multiple likes from me, if left swiped then it would clear the like I'd originally given.

Seems to be back to normal for me now, but not looked for more than a couple of mins, not really feeling it today.

Actually just to update, yes it's still doing it for me, if my filter is wider it's OK, but just took it too 25miles & repeating what I've just had, for both likes & lefts. Odd

Loads to catch up on here!

@MsJinks I think you did the right thing bringing it up but I don’t like his response, if there’s nothing in it then he shouldn’t need to lie. But if you want to give him the benefit of the doubt that’s absolutely your right and no judgement 💐

@Nosdacariad think I’ve missed an update about Tennis did you meet again?

im seeing Fun Bobby again tonight, I still feel like it will be a short term thing but am enjoying it for now

@ThreeMogsAndCounting @AlwaysCarrieSATC agree re video calls. I didn't have one with Mr Unphotogenic since we arranged a very convenient first date for each other. However, despite him being a a very decent guy, I can't get past his weird laugh, and also (I know this is really picky of me) his teeth, while all there, are not very clean. Two icks.

@AlwaysCarrieSATC enjoy your date with Fun Bobby and @Nosdacariad enjoy the tennis!

Hi Everyone, newbie here, decided to take the plunge and post due to how maddening OLD is and how friendly, candid and supportive I've noticed this space to be. Would appreciate any advice please

Matched with a guy on Bumble, Mr Festival, close in age to me, who was off on holiday, but kept in contact via voicenote and calls throughout. Although the regular contact was lovely, the pull wasn't there, but I decided to wait and see if in person would make a difference. On his return, we semi-arranged a date for the weekend as he would be in my area. Two days before, he messaged to say that his company was not doing well, lots of heavy meetings so he would contact me later. It was the last time I heard from him. I was surprised, but not distraught.

Soon after, I matched with Mr Stage, considerably younger than me. We spoke on the phone the next day (Wednesday) and... lots of chemistry! We chatted for close to two hours; shared interests, similar humour, all-round enjoyable. He asked me out for a coffee adding it would have to be the following week if that was OK as he would be working the weekend. Later he messaged to say how much he enjoyed talking to me (which I thought was sweet). The next day, Thursday, I sent him a chirpy voicenote, on Friday he messaged to say Sorry, crazy busy at work, will reply Saturday or Sunday. I replied No worries, hope you're managing OK. My reply never turned blue and I didn't hear from him that weekend. I was pretty crushed (compounded by Mr Festival's work/ghosting), but by Monday rallied, deleted his number and continued Bumble scrolling. This morning (one week later) I receive a message from Mr Stage - Thank youu, crazy week, hope you're well. Took me completely by surprise and I don't know what to do or how to feel...

Oh wow, sounds like it totally served its purpose then!

Just catching up - sorry have been AWOL - and just wanted to pause my reading to quickly say WELL DONE for confronting him about it - I think it would have eaten away at you otherwise. It takes a lot of courage tho -proud of you you absolute hero! Xxx

Tennis is tonight! Hope Fun Bobby lives up to his name.

On Sawdust...I hope he didn't say

"You've nothing to worry about" or Crashing's fave "There's nothing going on".

@Shibiscus welcome and I blow a raspberry at anyone who disappears and reappears like that. If you humour Mr Poof! further please have subterranean expactations 😘

Cheers - well I brought it up and now took myself to checkmate as what can be said next - I’m not hunting her down with a telephoto lens into her bedroom haha!
I strangely can’t be bothered - I probably dwelt on it too long but now I’ve said, he said and see what happens.

I just love the sound of Fun Bobby - but honestly my judgement is shite unfortunately lol - but do have loadsa fun later x

It took Dutch courage I guess and a certain amount of I’m cross already so what the hell haha.
I said to Carrie last post, I just can’t be arsed about it now - I’ve probably gone over and over it too much and bored myself. I think I’m probably a bit less arsed with him but not sure if that’s cos of the hefty weekend or not and I’m going away with him next week - which we’ve never done 24 hrs so!
Anyway, more importantly how are you? Hope AWOL wasn’t for difficult reasons? If so hope all ok enough. And how is Mr Cricket going?
Thank you though so much for your kind words xxx

The four pillars were created by me and Gemini - it was something I sort of loosely had in my head and Gemini firmly helped me turn it into a memorable checklist. They are:

1. Spark of physical attraction
2. Respectful communication
3. Some shared interests
4. Degree of financial and domestic stability (basically an adequate home that is not with parents/an ex, and some form of sufficient, stable income).

On this round of dating, I had 13 dates without a second date - most of these were before I implemented the pillars, and was routinely dating guys who met three of these at most. It was basically a waste of my time and theirs, as these are basically the minimum - I cannot have a relationship with a man who fails on any of these four criteria.

I am currently awaiting date 4 with Mr Cricket, who was the first guy to meet all four. His weakest one is number 1 - attraction. There is some there, and it's growing, but it's not hugely strong still. I've actually decided to take the next step and sleep with him (if he wants to) as I feel like in a way it will be kill or cure. If the sex is good I think my attraction will increase - if we are sexually incompatible for any reason then at least I will know. I feel safe around him and comfortable, and enjoy his company, so no part of me is worried about sleeping with him in that sense...... He is a very kind and respectful man. And he deserves to be with someone who really fancies him. I hope that can be me!

Hope it’s a fab game - let us know if it’s setting up well for further dates!
He said she was a friend - like this woman he named I recognised and I’ve seen him say hi to in the pub - lol. But I’m sure yes that he said nothing was going on - I’m so both bored with it and not bored enough! Away next week with him - it’s defo not an adventure though lol

Welcome! And sorry to hear about your frustrations. I have had a few like Mr Stage - where you feel like you really hit it off.... (Anyone remember Mr Law? I was banging on for ages about how compatible we were, I had more of less picked out my wedding dress and the children's names, and then he ghosted me before we had even met for mini-golf.....)

In my experience these guys DO pop back up..... And then they do the same disappearance and reincarnation move again.... And again.....and again.....

Having said that, if you've got nothing better going on, and you REALLY like him, you could give him the benefit of the doubt. My mom always tells this story of a guy who stood her up (before mobile phones) and she refused to speak to him again, then found out months later he had actually had an appendicitis......

If Mr Law popped back up - who am I kidding - I'd definitely entertain it! Well not if Cricket and I are exclusive by then, obviously. But outwith that......