The Dating Thread 63 Crisp air & Warm ♥️🧡💛

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

I am finding OLD difficult, 51 and any match I get when they send a message its just hi gorgeous or some sexual reference early on . I have on my bio no ONS etc , yet still seem to be attracting or matching with men who aren

It was a very entertaining summary!

If they pull that shit block them immediately xxx

I get this too. Anyone that sends me an actual sentence gets a reply.

I'm a similar age & after years saying not for me, just dipped my toe in the strange- swipe the Argos catalogue of shopping for human connections, OLD pool of often toxic contents, 2 wks ago, (straight bloke) & yeh it's an interesting experience.

No sex refs but some equally crap chats tbh.

But mostly nice ones, one ghosting. One utter mental. Couple of entirely pleasant dates. Both dates actually liked me 1st, which as an entirely average looking middle aged chap was great, almost pointless me sending likes I feel, surely an attractive woman in my age range gets hundreds?

I think I'll see tonights date again. She was lovely.

Glad your OLD experience is going well!

Don't assume women are getting loads of likes though. I sure some are, but I don't. Granted, I am not that hot, and pretty average. But nearly everyone I meet with is keen, so I must have something to offer.

One thing that I got burnt out with is having to be proactive all the time. I get that men are also a bit battle worn, sensitive to rejection and worried about not being respectful, but women in this age category are also coming to the experience with their own scars.

Personally, I would love to see a bit more boldness from the men I meet up with, rather than them waiting for me to take the next step all the time. Maybe this is unique to me though!

@Clarabella77 it is not unique to you and women always downplay their looks so I expect you're gorgeous.

Welcome @CallmePaul 😁

Very quiet on date reports and how are all the poorly folk?

No dates for me though I have one tomorrow if I'm well enough.

Isn't attraction a funny thing, I just saw a pic of Beered on fb and thought "wow why did I fancy him?!"

Hi all - busy few days - so loads to catch up on!
OLD stories - so many, it became the point of OLD to extract a story from it haha!

Once Upon a time, a very long time ago, I met a guy who was actually quite a bit thinner than my preference, though Mr TS us first Dad bod guy I dated. I say thinner - so on his pics he was.
Reader, I did not recognise him to start with the added 10 stone and shocking clothes - I should point out clothes have to be exceptionally eye catching before I notice them.
As I’m polite I went in the pub - spent 2 hours looking at the bottom of a few lager glasses whilst he talked and talked and talked. He’d been a firefighter in Canada and a millionaire but was now unemployed in Derbyshire as his MH I tgink.
I felt safe enough to acceot a lift home - I’d seen him have 3 halves. After 5 minutes he asked how much further and would there be cops around. So turned out he had been to several other pubs that day and when he went off outside to smoke, pre smoking ban and I smoked so I found it odd but naive not to note he was smoking weed.
I obviously then thought OMG I’m going to die now - but didn’t as you can see!
He messaged next day to comment on amazing date and connection we had - obviously a drug induced delusion that one! He messaged 2 years later to say he’d lost weight - which I’d not even mentioned!

I have many more but fear of death keeps it in mind I guess haha!

Mr TS update as I reverted to type Friday night on beer! We were arguing about something he said on way home - he’d apologised but I kept on and on and on lol - first active row we ever had though tbf it was me running it not him.

Back at his I was classy enough to say, ‘Well whilst we are fucking rowing anyhow let’s fucking row about your other woman too’

So he just said she’s a long time friend - no sex, or sexual content and nothing emotional- and he didn’t say as well idk I mightn’t have liked it - I said nothing I have done indicated I wouldn’t be ok with it actually but either way he didn’t give me the chance to choose that for myself. He said he wants to see how we might develop.

I mean obviously he’s gone as far as acknowledging what I ‘know’ - as he had to really rather than debate it and I guess it looks better to do that - but he insisted no more but obviously I had no concrete info on that to challenge it. He’s incredibly genuine when he talks with me - so idk - I’m no further on but at least I’m not holding what I felt was a secret and I didn’t like that.

Idk next as no one ever would believe that’s not more than a friend but I’ve accepted it really I guess so that’s on me - I can’t keep going over the points that we actually settled - yes he has a good friend - I can’t keep badgering for a better answer to who she is - I said look just say and I can’t be arsed telling her or anything and I think you know me well enough that I won’t actually. Obviously it’s a hard one to say - but he’s been more attentive on text - sigh at me!
The row went on linger but essentially that’s the summary - way to go huh haha - please all never take dating advice from me lol!

Ahh I think you did alright. And glad it’s off your chest now.

@MsJinks you are perfectly classy so worry no more about that.

What was his explanation for not telling you about her?

I'd like to go back to the four value pillars i think you, @Nosdacariad mentioned?
Were they standard religion money, politics, family or something more unique? How did you prompt AI? Im curious about this. I wrote an 'ideal man' list and when I think about it I'm not sure any real life man could exist who would fit every category, so i need to whittle it down to what's really critical. Perhaps then I can find the motivation to get back on the apps...

On that note - how do you choose whoch app? I dont mind running two, but I think when you get to more than that it becomes impossible to keep on top of them all. And i don't want to just go back to ones i've used before if there's a better option. Any thoughts?

The pillars weren't me, maybe @Ilovelurchers or @empirebiscuits12 ?

I found Match good but you have to pay. Also they do this very annoying thing where you can't delete your account from a phone (in this day & age!!).

Thanknyou!

I havent used match before. How much does it cost? I have heard of a couple of real life relationships formed on there though

I can't remember - sorry.

To my chagrin I joined in my cups to have a look at Crashing's profile and gave up my account when the week or fortnight ended.

But not before meeting Mr Tennis on there. Second date tomorrow!

@MsJinksI’m glad you finally raised it with him. What do you think he meant when he said he wants to see how you and he might develop - is he keeping his options open? It doesn’t sound like he said much to actually reassure you.

Been chatting to a new iron Mr Bay, who funnily enough turns out to be. keen surfer (just after I posted the other day about wanting to meet a surfer with abs of steel on my upcoming beach trip!). So far he seems nice and quite genuine, although of course he lives 2 hours away 🤦‍♀️

Trying to tee up a date with M Charismatic this week before he goes away on holiday - he’ll be back just as I’m leaving for my trip to Australia. He’s been busy the last couple of weekends so I haven’t seen him for two weeks.

@Nosdacariadand @BoxOfCats- well I raised it after several truth serums so it wasn’t the most coherent!

He told me nothing I don’t know though just accepted what I did know without debate - he didn’t tell me as I might not like female friends- he has had no indication that I am anything but chill and not over interested in anything he does, like I don’t ask where are you, what you been upto questions much.

He said he really likes me a lot, it’s perfect, he hopes to see what might develop with us - basically again what you might expect at nearly 6 months I guess from anyone with it without added female friends!

Straight from leaving him Saturday am I went on a counter protest - which was a big event and a heightened type of day - and just after that was done then a friend had shocking news - so tried to help her a lot of evening and today just shattered and idk even what to think about - and also so today all the Mr TS stuff feels very irrelevant if you get that. It won’t stay that way I’m sure lol so I’ll have to consider it then - you’re right nothing effectively changed but right now I don’t even care that much after yesterday - perhaps I should take advantage and leave it at that.

Ooh - what about his abs? I need to know this haha.

It’s hard with Mr Charismatic in the background isn’t it to be anything but meh - but abs may help lol?! The holiday might as well in more seriousness and space.

Is this the tennis with Mr Tennis? I hope it is a good game in every way - maybe a match?

Are you looking forward to it?

Yes @MsJinks tennis with Mr Tennis. I am looking forward, if I'm well enough.

Your full life is absolutely to your credit and your superpower in this ♥️💙♥️

Really appreciate the support and advice ive had on here. Im doing my best to catch up/keep up with everyone's irons so I can make salient comments but im struggling a little ! 😆

Do you think it's unfair to go on a dating app if im still experiencing strong feelings for the beardy ex? Or is the fact that ive accepted its over and know i could never go back enough?

Yes I think that’s enough.

You don’t have to meet anyone till you’re ready. I haven’t as I’m not quite ready and I’ve been on a month.
mr sweet is getting close though. He’s consistent and not applying any pressure

I think there are a number of things that are more unfair IF you're positioning yourself as someone looking for an LTR like not having a job or home or having an addiction and not mentioning it.

So no it's not unfair but very scrupulous of you to think of it.