The Dating Thread 63 Crisp air & Warm ♥️🧡💛

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Ah, manic couple of weeks at work getting to launch point (this coming week) for a project I've been responsible for.

This is alongside fixing up the house im living in that i bought with the beardy ex and was supposed to be our forever home. Ive done a LOT of work on it already, but there's still some mission critical bits - some of which are weather dependent - and I need them all completed by end of January, preferably before Christmas so I can actually enjoy Christmas, but 1st Feb is my hard deadline so I can put the place on the market.

Due to finances I'm doing as much of this myself as I can, and im pretty handy, but my energy is flagging.

No way I'm gonna get a mortgage on a 4 bed detached by myself, so, need to sell before the fixed term runs out.

That and parenting two kids.

It's just a lot. I just really wish I had another adult pulling with me right now.

Sorry. Bringing the mood down a bit i know.

On the plus side, the kids are healthy and happy and doing well and I enjoy my work and the project is going well. I have amazing friends and family. Just none of them live nearby.

Haha loving MrWellDressedButClueless @NosdacariadPretty much sums it up eh.

Yes @BoxOfCats he said we could drink wine and watch a film. This is relationship territory or at least many many dates later!

@ThreeMogsAndCounting I get you. I go through spells when I wish I had a team mate, particularly when life gets tough. Sending hugs

@ThreeMogsAndCounting I curse my late DH almost daily as I'm left to deal with IT ALL but I think your situation is harder as this is due to beardy's conduct.

I hope you will take a guilt free break and maybe focus on the most important thing after that?

Sending love though. Can you make beardy ex carry more?

I'm following Kate Taylor's advice and watching the movie An Affair to Remember as I recover from three days of lurgy.

Anyone like to virtually join? Apparently the woman has dating nailed!

Just to put the other side, I do have a couple of female friends who are in to very casual, almost anonymous sexual encounters with guys they meet online, who do this - or they will have a guy over that they have never met before. It used to really stress me out - and it's not something I would do myself - but they would point out that women are most often harmed by someone they know well, so statistically, perhaps starting a relationship is more of a risk.....

As I say though, I wouldn't do it (though I don't judge them for it of course) and I am always surprised when men assume we should be happy to do this..... But I assume that, if only say 10% of women are willing to do it, it still makes sense to ask, for those men who are determined that they will not go to the effort and expense of actually dating a woman.....

I think in 99% of cases, an invitation over implies they are expecting sex. I've certainly only invited Cricket over now that I have decided I feel ready to potentially take things to that next level......

Yes @empirebiscuits12 sounds like he'd like to get into a non-relationship thing x

Well he came over a few weekends ago to do some wiring (something I wouldn't trust myself to do!) and it really fucked me up seeing him again. Especially doing domestic things in our home. I havenemailed to tell him I will need him to do a few more electrical bits, but that I can't be in the house when he doesn't it because it messes with me. He hasn't replied but he'll respect that. So yeah, he can do some of it, but the rest of the work needs to be done by the person still living here. Ive made a little progress this morning - have examined the garage door and the frame and determine what i need to buy from B&Q, so at least I have a shopping list and then I'll be able to crack on when I have the time and wherewithal.

Im sorry to hear you lost your husband. Im assuming that's euphemistic and he's not down the back of the sofa 😏

How long have you been widowed? I always assume that dating after bereavement must be a very different kind of headfuck.

I’ve been through similar. And it’s tough.
responsibility of parenting on your own mainly and uncertainties of your home is hard. I thought I’d have to sell the house too but solicitor said to check affordability with mortgage company then he argued for percentage that meant I could stay here with my children.

if you’ve already beyond this and it’s not possible then that’s hard x totally get missing a team mate to share the load.

I understand and well done for making progress.

Would that he WERE down the back of the sofa. He was able to have sex and wasn't a twat which is better than 99% of the people I've met on OLD.

4 years.

Ouch. Damning indictment of OLD, yet not untrue from what ive heard, esp as you go past 40.
I was 35 last time I was on it.
I am hesitantly wondering whether it would be entertaining to ask you all to share an OLD horror story, or whether it might make me more depressed! 🤪

And the ex with whom I share a mortgage is not the kids' dad, nor were we married, so he's already being quite obliging by continuing to pay his half of the mortgage whilst also renting. We got a nice 2.1% fixed mortgage, but i need to find something about 200k cheaper than this house.

On the plus side I can move to the town my kids' school is in which will make it a bit easier for them to be independent and socialise, plus there's more going on there generally. Never know. More chance of catching a wild one.

Hmm thinking horror stories. The guy who I think was married as he would always red button my calls then call me back a few moments later.
the guy that tried a grab at the station. I knew he was dodge.
Ohh the one that drive from 100 mikes away for the date. That was a red flag I missed. He had spoilt his body by excessive weights. imo. Not for me.

otherwise everyone else has been a nice date. Some I saw more than once but v few I wanted to progress with. Till my last relationship and we just hung out all the time.

At this point I'll say I don't agree to any of my posts being used off mumsnet and I may come back in a bit with a story x

@ThreeMogsAndCounting Oh that sounds really hard. Earlier this year I sold the house I bought with my ex and that was hard enough on my own, let alone while parenting two kids. My only advice is to prioritise ruthlessly and just be laser focused on the things that really truly NEED to be done. Chop anything that is a “nice to do” off the to do list.

Ohhhhh what’s going on? Hope you are ok!

Yeah, its been missing bathroom cabinetry. Holes in walls. Missing fireplace. Manky front garden. Peely garage door.

If i get all that sorted then maybe I'll sand the kitchen counters and repaint the hallway....

And it sounds like there are a few tales to be told....
I am in suspenders!

Nothing I just don't want to end up in a trashy mumsnet rip off article, do you see those where you are?

Journos taking the easy option.

@ThreeMogsAndCounting

I dated Crashing not Soaring for eight weeks. Had I done my due diligence I'd have read something he wrote about himself on his last ex's blog which described himself working through the stages of a narcissistic relationship and I'd have known not to bother. He blamed this pattern on his (self diagnosed) ADHD.

He was a 🚩🚩🚩parade but knew how to hide it at the start. He was jobless, homeless, alcohol dependent, had a harem of exes and showed me endless disrespect while maintaining plausible deniability to keep his nice guy image. His own Mum didn't trust him with money. He had sexual dysfunction and zero work ethic. He had no clue, or no interest, in how to behave appropriately in a relationship. He was fiddling his benefits. I ended it when he negged me and I saw the degree of his entitlement, then he tried to get me to join the harem which I declined.

But...he was handsome, charming, articulate, generous and knelt before every dog he met like it was his religion.

This means nothing.
Mr Should-never-have-gone-there was a dog man. I should have realised it was because his ego needed the stroking to soother his massive insecurity.

Oof. Sounds like he should come with health warnings in neon lights.

💯 carefully crafted profile with no mention of a J.O.B. and lots of whimsical codswallop about cooking for others and having an impish sense of humour.

One of the harem the woman he had a year long affair with while married.

Also @ThreeMogsAndCounting don't apologise for bringing your challenges. We're here to support - even if only with stories of our disasters 😘

Thank you. A lot of people are keen to tell me i shouldn't look for a man and should enjoy being single.
Usually people in relationships.
Makes one feel shame for feeling lonely

Yeah I have a friend like that. She's happy by herself, but we're all different.

She does at least challenge me when they score 3/16 on my non negotiables like the guy above.

@Nosdacariad epic analysis. ❤

Yeah sorry I'm trying not to go on about him but he is my best disaster story 😂