The Dating Thread 63 Crisp air & Warm ♥️🧡💛

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Yep he had snoozed it. I hadn’t heard from him all night which isn’t like him and convinced myself he had pulled back so I sent a bit of a shitty message (didn’t mention the location change etc just that he’d gone quiet) and he replied straight away.

Now I look like a psycho and feel a bit silly 🤦‍♀️

@AlwaysCarrieSATC you feel like it which I understand but you don't look like it. Why should you not express yourself?

I think women have been trained not to want anything.

@empirebiscuits12 fingers crossed for Mr Tux

@comingintomyown it makes sense that you feel that way. He's not making it easy for you xxx

Thank you I really appreciate that 💐 and yes I agree we’ve been trained to be “cool” and relaxed about everything and I’m just not! x

@Nosdacariad thank you

Well he just messaged and he’s still bad so I will leave him alone for now. Being off work is giving me a lot of time to think. I’d hoped to understand more about how he sees us after our break last week but we didn’t have any relationship convos. By the time I next see him it’ll be 8 months together and I’m going to start asking some direct questions. The thing with that isn’t that I’m worried about not being cool or that I feel I have to pretend I don’t care but that I don’t know if I’ll like the answers to my questions

My more optimistic reading of the situation was that he snoozed his profile and then went quiet as he thought your qu on matches was because you still wanted to be on the apps. But it just sounds like an early dating miscommunication and anxiety on both sides, rather than anyone being psycho. Hopefully you communicate through it!

Sorry I didn’t understand the location thing ? I was on Ourtime which didn’t have that unless you just mean it says on a profile where someone lives ? I don’t think you mean that 🤣

So sorry it went this way, but well done for calling him out on it. You had absolutely every reason to think he was interested. We shouldn't let men just get away with this bloody hoovering, getting their egos stroked nonsense......

Sadly I have had to postpone my date with Cricket, as like Chef I too am ill! Feel like death. Couldn't face going out, and also don't want to give the illness to him, as he is off on a work trip abroad on Friday.....

@Ilovelurchers I'm down too, I feel your pain! Had to cancel seeing Mr CS tonight. Feel better! X

Have we caught it over the internet?

Me too.

Get well soon 💐

Cricket has just now replied to my date postponing text, and been so characteristically sane and lonely about it, I have decided I might be ready to have him over to the flat soon after all.....

I'll have a think. I don't want to wait forever, in case the sex is shit and we are both wasting our time. And he is SUCH a nice man, and maybe if we shag it might make me feel nor bonded to him?

I never usually angst about it so much, I usually just go for it. Sign of getting older?

@CleanShirt, @Nosdacariad, sorry to hear you are both poorly too!

There are tonnes of kids off at our school - attendance was under 90% today apparently! Must be an epidemic....

It's hit me hard - might have to take tomorrow off. I have been fighting this idea all week, as I feel like it's "just" a cold and hence doesn't justify time off, but it's just not shifting and I feel like death. One of my students today told me she had to have antibiotics on the end....

I am looking desperately for advice. I separated almost three years ago and thought of starting online dating a couple of months ago. I prepared a really basic profile on bumble and didn't have the courage to follow up with the likes. However, at some point I liked someone and we started texting like mad, same interests about literature, music, history but also same values in relationships, kids etc. We were both away during the summer and ended up texting each other around 700 times. We agreed to meet once we were both back and when we met we spent 22 hours together. He missed his train and stayed at mine, he left the next day at 13h after again long discussions since 09.00. There was no physical intimacy, no kissing or sleeping together. However, he was really warm at the start but I noticed later that he didn't continue to the same extent with this. I made a couple of attempts to steer the discussion to us but he was quite abstract. I texted him a day after saying I enjoyed it a lot and would like to see him again. He replied "same here" and then asked me about my day, told me about his and we continued exchanging texts for some more days. I texted him a week ago to see if he would like to meet up again and while he read it immediately he has not replied. I am at a loss in terms of what to do. I want desperately to text him and say that I miss talking with him but I am afraid that it will scare him. In the meantime and on the basis of his advice, I thought of updating my profile as I had stupidly told him I had snoozed it because I wasn't sure about dating but got concerned that he may have thought I was expecting things to work out with him. I know he has been dating for longer and felt insecure. What would the wise posters here suggest I do? Can I realistically text him and tell him that I miss talking with him or at least asking him for some closure?

Internet lurgy!

He sounds great!!

Welcome to the thread, lovely!

And sorry to hear you have been going through such a confusing experience. To be honest, he sounds like he is a bit of a head wreck - he isn't being very clear about what he wants from you, etc.

You shouldn't, in my opinion, feel scared to text him or ask him anything. When we do feel like that (unfortunately quite often) it is usually a sign that something's wrong. A man who is worthy of you will not make you feel this doubt and uncertainty......

He knows what he feels - I very much doubt that any text you send now will make him more or less likely to want to keep seeing you. If you want to ask him what is going on, you have every right to! But just be aware you may not get the answers you want or deserve.

(I should add that my love life is a total disaster, so you should probably do th absolutely opposite of whatever I advise!).

Well, I have invited him over next time we are both free, which is a week on Sunday.

It feels like the right thing to do. I do really like him.

Get well soon to all of you feeling poorly!

@Ilovelurchers Mr Cricket sounds promising, I'm excited for you!

@Summertime2012 I agree with @Nosdacariad - I don't think there is a right or wrong thing to do. You've nothing to lose by texting to get some clarity one way or another.

@CleanShirt & @MsJinks How are things going with Mr CS & Mr Tree now?

@Summertime2012 I agree with Lurchers.

I woild ask how you'll feel if you hear nothing. That should inform your decision. That's for you though, you are unlikely to get much sense out of him in terms of closure, sorry to say 💐💐

@Ilovelurchers very decisive and I know your job, PLEASE take time to recover xxx

Oh, sorry to hear so many are dropping like flies with this virus! Sending get well wishes to you all (from a safe distance!!)

@Summertime2012 welcome to the thread and sorry you’re going through so much confusion. And I can see why you’re confused. That all sounds very intense in the run up to meeting and I can imagine there were high expectations….i know I’d have felt that way. The no kissing etc when together for so long is a strange one. Did you want to kiss him? I’m not an instigator on first dates so I’m not saying you should’ve went storming on in there if that’s not your thing.

Personally I would ask him outright what his thoughts are after meeting and whether he’d like to meet again. Instead of giving him something to agree or disagree with. I’m not sure if I would tell him I miss him though because you don’t want to give him another opportunity to just agree. Ask him straight then take it from there 🤍

Thanks so much everyone for the advice, this is much more sane to the threads I have been reading on Reddit about online dating that left me quite traumatised...I did text him just now but before your replies just to see how he is. And he apologised for not replying to my earlier text because he was really busy. But he didn't confirm whether he would be up for a second date. So I guess I am still unfortunately in the same position of uncertainty.

@Ilovelurchers glad to hear things are moving forward with Mr Cricket, so exciting! And he does sound very lovely indeed! I have everything crossed for you that this is finally the man who deserves you and more importantly, who makes you happy 🥰

Did you ask him in your message if he wanted a second date, and he avoided the question?

I am not either an instigator generally, especially for that date as it wasnt only my first but also for some reason, not upon me, happened to coincide with my wedding anniversary. I touched him on his arm that was all. And when we first met he was hugging me for really long time but not when he left, I would like to blame it on the train that was approaching but maybe he changed his mind after seeing me. But then I couldn't understand why he stay at mine until late the next day. I assume that people wouldn't necessarily do this if they are not interested at least to explore things. All these things made me confused.

No I am afraid. I asked him how is his life these days. He mentioned though my earlier text about meeting up again saying only though that he was really busy, nothing else